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Reaver80808
Reviews
BloodRayne (2005)
Pants
I'll keep it simple, If you like zena warrior princess, you still won't like this. It has the feel of a very overly long episode of zena without the stupid lines and crap CG monsters to laugh at.
Nobody in this movie seems to care! It plods along never reaching any kind of pitch above a yawn. Loken was so poorly cast its shocking, she looks 10 years to old to play rayne and clearly has NO sword skills. The montage of training clearly displays this. If thats how good she is at the end of her training they would have been better off sending a 10 year old who has watched too many episodes of power rangers in to do battle with the bad guys. The kid coulda ended this film a lot quicker! What were kingsley and Madsen thinking when they agreed to do this??? Money problems I'm thinking. You'd need to be in serious dept to lower yourself to this. I'd become a rent boy before being in a uwe boll movie.
The budget must have been so low. There is a scene where a small armada of boats head towards the brimstone headquarters, and you think "here we go a good battle scene to lift this toss out of the mud" alas no. The battle is never seen, instead a lone survivor clambers ashore and explains that there was a huge battle, but you missed it. The weapons also are as convincing as you'd get in a pound shop. Raynes weapons appear so pointless (literally) that they wouldn't cut butter. This was probably because all involved are so bad at sword fighting they would have hurt themselves otherwise.
Do not see this film. It will anger you just how easy it would have been to make this film better.
Note to all game license companies: DO NOT LET UWE BOLL MAKE YOUR GAME INTO A MOVIE!
Hawk the Slayer (1980)
I agree!
Suffice to say the other review here is spot on. This is possibly one of the funniest films ever made. (for all the wrong reasons) I am in fact, at time of writing, watching Hawk the Slayer on BBC1! Nice to know we pay the ever rising license fee for a good reason.
Sorry however to the the other reviewer but I have to correct you about the repeating crossbow. It did actually exist (another side affect of the BBC....bloody learning zone)
Other than that, very accurate. A collection of wooden sets and gold sprayed tin foil. Also this film wins the award for the most polystyrene looking hammer....ever! I seriously recommend this movie purely because you will laugh/cringe so much, even though you most likely won't last all the way through.
P.s. does anyone else think the sound track is like a porno/western?