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Reviews
Hell's Kitchen: A Hellish Food Fight (2023)
What a joke of an episode
I have to rate this one because it's insane! Jason is by far the one that should have gone home. His blind arrogance and that insane way he twists everything into making him the victim, are just unbearable! Gordon outlines how many times he's been up for elimination, points out all his mistakes, the recaps show how oblivious he is to simple instructions, yet once again, he remains. I compliment every chef for their patience because he is truly a person that needs a reality check in the worst way... there have been some annoying contestants on this show over the years but Jason is in the running for the "I had to stop watching this show because of..." top spot. He's the guy that would be given 10 minutes to compliment his crew and spend 9:50 of it talking about how great he is. Zero leadership skills, and shows NO signs of competence to run a restaurant. You put him in charge of quality people, you'll have a lot of quality people available to work elsewhere within a month.
Halo (2022)
Let go of the game and just enjoy!
I've played Halo since the day the original game dropped. Actually had one of the first copies being a buddy ran a game shop. That said, I don't want to sit and watch a show based solely on the game's storyline...it's been played, we know how it goes, no need for repeating Captain Keys' death from a Master Chief punch to his Flood-infected face.
That said, this show brought a lot of throwback by using game sounds throughout. The F/X are well done so those judging it like we need Michael Bay or Stephen Spielberg level CGI are ridiculous. In today's society, people complain just to complain. The Covenant are great looking, the Prophets are spot on, and overall, the gear is straight out of the game.
I do agree the Kwan side story could have been omitted. Not taking anything away from the actress but it does feel out of place like they were worried the viewers needed some "orphaned" folk hero to root for. There is plenty of material without introducing this distraction which at most times feels like it slows the pace of the entire show.
I LOVE the Spartan team and that the actors are all 6'1 or above (even the female actors for Kai and Riz, who are both outstanding in their roles). They bring a dominance to every scene, especially when next to regular characters. I guess size DOES matter.
I truly hope the greedy, never satisfied, tunnel visioned "fans" can get over it not being a 100% translation of the game and appreciate it for what it is. From what I've read, season 2 will at least deliver more game-focused content to appease the masses. Please don't let season 2 be the last, I'm very much looking forward to Halo seasons for years to come.
But yes, cut the Kwan (or any) distracting side stories for add-in characters. And bring out a Scorpion Tank!!!
No One Will Save You (2023)
Refreshing! Serious Sci-Fi horror and suspense from the drop of the hat! Be warned, too love it, you need to think hard to understand the 3rd act!
First off, yes the third act comes off as confused, like they didn't know how to end it but when you stop and put the puzzle together, it's brilliant! From the very opening scene, this movie built itself toward the conclusion. Her "model town" wasn't just a hobby but her fantasy...
If you are impatient and want to see aliens and have the action, you don't have to wait long, or almost at all. If you want SFX that are not budget breaking but very well done, you have it. For me, which I feel many will overlook, the most impressive part is a very strong story told without woods. The entire movie consists of 5 spoken words "I'm sorry, Maude, I'm sorry", yet as you can read, a lot of people understood the entire story.
One review stands out so I won't take credit for the explanation but it is exactly my thoughts when the movie ended; the aliens take over by injecting humans with a parasite. This parasite puts them into a trance where they are living a blissful life (docile and easy to control from here). Once the aliens finally get her and see into her mind, they see that in her mind, that's all she wants. No need to infect her when the rest of the town will become exactly what she wants anyway.
Also, as a creature fanatic I have to give a special shout for the multiple different alien designs! Wow! The large one doing the crazy moves/signals made my skin crawl!
Outstanding performance by Kaitlyn Dever! Have been impressed with her acting since Justified.
Naked and Afraid XL (2015)
Editing into a high school drama
As someone who spends most of their free time in the outdoors, I agree this show's concept is insane. However, the constant editing in of animal clips that are nowhere to actually be seen (at times the clips are of animals not even found in that region) on top of them constantly exploiting the drama is getting a bit old. When you see the outtakes of how they actually get along, eat, etc. You see the potential of how great this show could be. Most of the people on here obviously have solid skills but the "reality tv" approach on editing robs viewers interested in a true survival show.
It would be interesting to see how some of the participants would do on a show like Alone. I would love to see a crossover where they take the top ten from here and do an Alone style contest. Give them clothes and the selection of 10 items and last person standing, wins.
Steven, Jeff, Matt, Laura, EJ, Amber, Melissa, Jake, Luke, Eva...
Unknown Visitor (2019)
Now You See Me 3?
Not sure if any of this is a true spoiler but marked it to be safe.
I thought this was supposed to be a kind of extra low budget Paranormal Activity meets Nest Doorbell movie but it turned out to be a movie about magic. The supporting cast consisted of a bottle of bleach, a pack of smokes, bottle of water, and a sammich; all of which vanish and reappear randomly throughout. The knife tries but manages to move slightly from one scene to the other. Best magic show since Penn and Teller!
Scene:
Bleach and smokes are there
"Jeff?"
((Jeff aims for the fence))
((Lights go out and we get night vision))
Bleach and smokes are gone
::MAGIC::
10/10 for supporting cast of inanimate magic objects
-2/10 for continuity and awkward guy selling his household items.
And WHY does every "found footage" movie need to do the screeching sound, static, video disruption thing?
Resident Evil (2022)
I tried but...
If you make a list of positives and negatives and you get more than 5 negatives before a single positive, turn it off.
Opening title: made on an Commodore 64?
Music: makes your ears bleed
Camera angles: dizzying
Acting: the bunny forgot its line
Opening narrative: defines cliché
If this were the game YOU DIED
Companies like Netflix continue to beat a dead horse in hopes of squeezing one more dollar out of a title.
Thanks for making the decision easy...5 minutes in I turned Resident Evil off and canceled my Netflix subscription.