Change Your Image
Fulci_Kills
Reviews
Moon ching sap dai huk ying (1994)
It's like Russ Meyer went into the future and meet Takashi Miike and they made this *beep* masterpiece
Watching this film it really did seem like Russ Meyer hopped in a time machine and traveled to the future to 1995 Japan and forced a young Takashi Miike to travel to Hong Kong to make one of the most bizarre and more importantly schizophrenic films I've seen since I watched Eternal Evil of Asia for the first time, which also happened to have been released that same year. Man 1995 was a great year for screwed up " Drama / Horror / Adventure / Fantasy / Comedic...all in one films", that the Chinese audience are so fond of. The Chinese audience really does want to get their moneys worth when they go to see a movie and want to experience as many genres of film in one trip to the cinema as they can.
So let it be known, Chinese Torture Chamber Story switches from a horror film, to Love Story, to martial arts mayhem, to raunchy sexual antics, to slapstick comedy, back to toe cringing horror all in a flick of an eye so be prepared. The title of the film suggests plenty of Torture and trust me you do get that but mainly only at the beginning and end of the film. In between you should be prepared to expect a lot of drama, which can be quite boring when you want to watch a gore film but at least all the love story soap opera zaniness that goes on between Yvonne Yung Hung (Little Cabbage), Lawrence Ng (Scholar),Ching Mai (his wife) and Julie Lee always leads up to some soft-core sex. Which is lustful at times;Scholar and his sexual apparatus enjoying wife or flat out laugh out loud gut busting hilarity; famous Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sex scene anyone? That's what probably makes this movie so good. The hilarious, freaky sex always going on.
For a good idea of what I'm talking about, think about the scene in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where they're running along the tops of tree branches fighting as they defy gravity, only the two characters in Chinese Torture Chamber Story *beep* each other as they fight on top of the tree branches. Very pee your pants funny moment. Maybe not as funny as when it happened in Eternal Evil of Asia. That's why I mentioned that film earlier.
If you're looking for another hilarious martial arts sex movie, pick up Eternal Evil of Asia (1995), directed by Man Kei Chin. Even cooler, the same martial arts sex master from Chinese Torture Chamber Story, Elvis Tsui, is also the same martial arts sex master in Eternal Evil. The movie also stars Julie Lee who also happens to be in CTCS. So be sure to pick that DVD up if you liked this one.
So while the main story is basically a love story between Little Cabbage and The Scholar, it eventually leads to the murder of Little Cabbage's husband whose cause of death was, "death by penile explosion." Little Cabbage and the Scholar are then accused of adultery and murder of Little Cabbage's husband and put on trial. They are then tortured by the court as a way to gain a confession, while the entire time, the two love birds claim innocence, screaming "I am framed". So the film begins with Little Cabbage being tortured and through flash backs the main story is told. Then as a framing device for the movie, snippets of Little Cabbage's torture and court hearing is thrown in.
In the end, i really liked Chinese Torture Chamber Story. Although I now come to think of this movie as more of a sleazy sex comedy then a gore movie. I was definitely laughing more of the time then I was disgusted. The gore is very few and far between, with the best of it occurring during the first five minutes. For the most part as well, the gore and violence was very tame and held back compared to something like Oxen Split Torturing or Miike's Imprint. That's why I mention him before. After watching Chinese Torture Chamber Story, it becomes fairly obvious where Miike got his inspiration for the "to hardcore for TV" Master's of Horror episode Imprint, although I think in terms of violence, Miike's film is far more effective. So if you liked Imprint, Eternal Evil of Asia, Russ Meyer or Kazuo 'Gaira' Komizu's work, I highly recommend this movie. I'd score this movie higher if the gore was more satisfying so if that's what you're looking for I'd rate the gore and violence in this movie a 6/10. It's not that bad. Just not enough and held back to much at times. The exploding member is definitely a gore classic moment though on par with dare I say the bloody end of Nekromantik.
The sexual craziness and plain sheer bizarreness of this movie is enough for me to give it the score of 8/10.
Find this movie at all costs, you won't be disappointed.
Grizzly (1976)
Craziest PG rated movie I've ever seen!!!
This movie is so violent and gory I can't believe it was only rated PG. Who in their right mind would take their kid to see this. They must of had some cool parents because this is totally a balls to the wall, brutal slasher movie but instead of a deranged psycho stalking the campers, it's a 15-18 foot, 2000 pound Grizzly Bear. It's Friday the 13th meets Jaws but only with a beer and at a National Park instead of a beach.
But how gory is it really? Here's just a couple of bloody moments that really stand out and make you wonder how the censors let it slip:
**Spoilers**
Woman gets arm ripped off as it flies across the screen. Blood gushes out of her newly ravaged stump of an arm
Little 5 year old child is attacked and mauled by bear as the mother tries to fend the beer with a broom so it'll drop the kid. Instead the grizzly bear bites the child's leg off. I'll repeat, a 5 (possibly 4) year old child has his leg bitten off at the knee by the grizzly.
In the vein of cannibal holocaust, a REAL lifeless gutted deer is strung up in a tree and used for bait to attract grizzly bear. Later it's half devoured corpse is drug along behind a horse to further bait the bear.
It works and then said horse has it's head ripped off by the grizzly.
That's just a couple of examples of how gnarly this flick is. I had just watched Murder-Set- Pieces before this and Grizzly still stood out as a very bloody, gory, kick ass movie. I couldn't believe it when I found out this was rated PG. But man what a pleasant surprise. Highly recommended.
8/10
South Park: Go God Go (2006)
Funniest Episode of the Season so far
Contains what might be construed as a few possible spoilers but nothing to really worry about...
--South Park episode 1012 Go, God, Go--
Hands down my favorite episode of the season. Great story. Very controversial outing.
Evolution versus Creationism.
The first thing that really struck me about this episode and will probably never be mentioned, is that this episode borrows most of its story from Season 2 of 21 Jump Street, episode 206 Higher Education. The story of that show, just like the story of this episode 1012, is that a creationism believing teacher in a public school decides that he does not want to teach the theory of evolution in his classroom anymore and wishes to teach creationism. So the school brings in another teacher to help teach evolution in the creationism teachers classroom. Which amazingly, just like in this episode, leads to the creationism teacher pooping in there hand like a monkey and throwing it on the evolutionary believing teacher. Well not really but the teacher did bring in a chimpanzee into the classroom with hopes that maybe it would throw its poop around.
In 1012, Ms.Garrison is the creationism believing teacher and in one of her (or his) rants to his/her students, Ms.Garrison sarcastically concludes that we're all fish frogs that turned into a retarded monkey that humped 5 other retarded monkeys.
I've checked out a few South Park forums since the show aired last night and a large majority of the Christian/creationism believing forum members were genuinely ticked off about 1012 Go God Go. Here's a zany quote from an anonymous open minded Christian creationism believer bigot who thought...
"Wouldn't it be interesting if when the atheists who use the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" argument die and get to heaven, God hands them all a plate of Spaghetti?"
Hahahahahahaha...hilarious, well no, not really, just sad.
...But wow, Trey and Matt really ticked off those Christians with this episode. Way to go guys. And it's not even over yet as this is a 2 parter of a 3 part episode. (Well actually the 1st part of a 2 part episode but or possibly the 1st part of a 3 part episode).
The comment from earlier was in response to Ms. Garrisons atheist lover (the teacher who was brought in to help Ms.Garrison teach evolution) comparing god to a flying spaghetti monster. You can't disprove the flying spaghetti monster exist, so just like god, the two must exist. This later leads to Ms.Garrison thinking that god must be a flying spaghetti monster and thus changes her Creationism beliefs to Evolutionary beliefs. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is an actual fake religion that can be found @ www.v e n g an z a. or g. (Remove spaces)
While all of this is going on, Cartman decides to freeze himself to ease the wait of the approaching release of the new video-game console Nintendo Wii in 3 weeks. So Cartman and Professor Chaos hike up a snowy covered mountain where Eric buries himself in the snow and orders Butters to come back in 3 weeks and dig him out. This then leads to a hilarious Buck Rogers in the 25 Century opening montage where Cartman is never found and is only discovered 500 years later where he is unfrozen and he discovers that the new race of humans running the world are all atheists who are at war with another group of rebel atheists. Cartman is then told that he was brought back so that he might travel back in time to stop someone he knows from creating this alternate future world where god does not exist. Just then the Sea Otters begin there attack on the atheists city as the episodes ends, to be continued.
Funniest laughs of the show in no particular order:
Ms. Garrisons mangled breasts
Cartman freezing in snow homage to Stanley Kubrick's The Shining
Post-Op Transsexual Ms.Garrison hardcore sex scene with her atheist lover (which for some odd reason really seemed to offend some Christians viewers as well, go figure)
Best episode of the season. Probably a top ten favorite of all time. I happily give it a...
9.6/10