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aisteru35
Reviews
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
my god, this is real?
i have this vague, childhood, recollection of a bizarre star wars show that featured a bunch of wookies. always passed it off as a strange dream. now i (re)discover that it did exist. and it was a Christmas special? i must have been about two when i saw this. why did my parents neglect me so?
i was better off thinking it was a dream. too bad one cannot turn back the clock.
i think i remember something featuring ewoks too. if this also exists, can someone kindly lie to me about it? thanks.
p.s: this might get me banned, but really, the 10 line minimum makes it feel like my comments/reviews are an assignment. don't damn concision!
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
easily the worst of the harry potter films
rushed, chaotic and nonsensical (if you've not read the book). the editing is awful and the script is worse. went in with lowered expectations and were still disappointed. they seem to have taken all the connecting threads of the plot out and focused on the less important aspects of the core story. this movie could have been great in competent hands. instead, we get no character development, no idea of what's going on, no slowly building rebellion against umbridge, no tension and a particularly anti-climatic battle against death-eaters. in fact, you never really feel like harry and his friends are in danger in the ministry. you feel like, if harry hands over the prophecy, they will actually let them go. instead of killing them.
when i think of what this film could have been, especially if cuaron had been handed it, it's a bit saddening. why they thought an 870 page novel could or should be condensed into a 138 minute movie is beyond me. did they think kids who read a near 900 page novel wouldn't have the attention span to sit though a movie that was much more than 2 hours long?
The Norseman (1978)
Is this on MST3K?
If not, it should be. The 6 million dollar Viking! Where are those robots when you need them?
SPOILER warning - There may be spoilers, there may not. I'm not sure, but the warning scared me so I figured I'd stray on the side of safety.
What to say? The acting is terrible, the costuming worse. The Vikings are rather un-fearsome, particularly as they have armor and swords and shields (all painfully obviously plastic) while their foes have bows and, well, pointy sticks. Lee Majors, for some bizarre reason, wears a Zorro-esquire mask under his snail-shell helmet, pronounces Norse as "Norz" and seems to be outfitted more like a Roman legionary. The Vikings throw battle-axes and are wearing sweatpants. Swords appear out of nowhere. You get the picture.
Some one mentioned the plausibility of a conflict between Vikings and Native Americans. Even mentioned Vinland. Sure, except the North American presence of Vikings was in Labrador and Newfoundland. Not Florida. This was filmed in Tampa. There are palm trees everywhere.
Really, really ridiculous, but I can't give it a 1 because there is just so much to crack on in this movie.