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El tesoro de las cuatro coronas (1983)
Yes it's bad but hear me out...
Ok this movie is a ripoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark, and yes it's a very cheap movie, filmed with the worst lens, and film stock they could find, and yes you can see the strings, and yes lots of things don't make sense, but if you just watch it and try not to take it seriously it's actually pretty good.
The first 22 minutes of the movie is a bizarre take on the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark, filled with traps, birds, dogs, ghosts, and lots and lots of fire. Yes none of it makes sense, but it's also kinda awesome, and there isn't a single line of dialogue the whole time which makes it even better.
After that people do start talking and we are given the basics of the plot, where are protagonist, whose name is JT Striker, is tasked with retrieving two of these four crowns from an evil cult leader who plans on using them four evil. Then along with four other accomplices Striker infiltrates the cults castle compound.
Now the movie is actually acted fairly well, and as a heist movie it's pretty good, it's only with the supernatural stuff does the movie go really off the rails. But even where it gets weird and crazy it's enjoyable for the simple WTF factor. Things are flying at the screen, there's fire everywhere, and yes you can see all the strings but it's still awesome.
The movie is fun if you just let it be fun and not expect much out of an Italian knockoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Destroy All Neighbors (2024)
Even less fun than listening to actual prog rock
Destroy All Neighbors completely fails to be an interesting movie, much like most prog rock bands. It fails because it has a weak story, terrible jokes, an annoying lead actor with Jonah Hill, and as much as the movie emphasizes music, particularly prog rock, it makes terrible use of it. Most of the sound track is just typical filler music with no actual songs, it has loads of purposely terrible EDM music, one song which is kind of a song but sucks, and bits and pieces of some prog rockish stuff which kinda sounds more like dungeon synth than anything. The actual story is just the misadventures of Jonah Hills character accidentally killing people and then hallucinating that they are coming back to life. It's just a bad movie, and I will never say don't watch a movie, but there are significantly better things you could be watching than this.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Don't listen to the critics or review bombers
Just finished Rebel Moon and here is my honest opinion of it.
I liked this movie, and the critics are totally off in their reviews. Now I'm not some Snyder fan, I do not like what he did with the DCU, he has many tendencies that annoy me that are on full display in Rebel Moon, but he has managed to pull off something that I've desperately been yearning for for years, and that is simply some fun space sci-fi that isn't just another franchise or adaptation of a comic or book. And despite the fact that Rebel Moon is just the Seven Samurai in space, it's actually an original idea with a universe that looks like it would be fun to explore.
Part of the problem people are having with this movie is that they only really have Star Wars or Star Trek to compare it to. I grew up on campy B-movie sci-fi, I've seen Star Crash, Star Chaser, Space Truckers, The Last Starfighter, Fantastic Planet, Gandahar, Battle Star Galactica, and the original Seven Samurai in space Battle Beyond the Stars. And if you haven't grew up on B-movie sci-fi you're not going to get that this is a B sci-fi movie, perhaps unintentionally, but that's Zack Snyder for you.
There's two main problems with this movie: one is Zack Snyder and his inability to understand how to use slow motion in limited quantities to increase dramatic effect, and his inability to understand the less is more mentality of storytelling. The second problem is that this movie is on Netflix and not on the big screen where it could be enjoyed in its full spectacle.
What the movie does get right is that it looks great, it has some great action, the story is mostly good but weighed down by exposition, it has an interesting universe and backstory I would really like to learn more of, and it's fun and different. The movie ironically takes its self so seriously that it verges on camp (not a bad thing in my opinion) and I did find myself laughing at things that weren't necessarily supposed to be funny. If Snyder was more self aware he would have been able to make a significantly better movie by leaning into the natural campiness of the movie.
The acting is ok, but lacks really good actors and what good actors it has like Djimon Hounson, Anthony Hopkins, Carey Elwes, Cory Stoll, and Charlie Hunnman aren't really given much to do. Ed Skrein is probably the standout, which is great because a movie like this lives and dies by its villain. He can be very charismatic and menacing at the same time, and you really love to hate him. Sofia Boutella can throw a mean side eye, but as your main protagonist she's kinda dull and unfortunately can't give the necessary weight behind the huge amounts of exposition she has to give.
3 out of 5 stars. It's above average but not great, which is fine and what I was expecting.
Come True (2020)
It was great until that Terrible ending
I have no choice but to give this movie one star. I've seen some terrible movies, but few movies have pist me off as much as this movie did. The thing is that I was really into it, I really liked it until the end. I suffered from sleep paralysis and nightmares when I was younger and this movie seemed like it was about that, it had some great and terrifying imagery, so genuinely creepy stuff; and I could actually relate to it, but that ending ruined all that.
I'm going to tell you what it was because screw this movie: She was in a COMA! Seriously a coma! Everything beforehand in the movie completely ruined by that stupid twist. Did they just lose interest right at the end? Did they not know how to end it? Could they really not have thought of something better?
I never say don't see a movie, but this movie pist me off so bad I'm willing to say don't watch it. Hope it dies in obscurity and gets deleted off the internet.
Stupid movie.
Dashcam (2021)
Worst character ever written
I don't know what it is about found footage movies that they have to have some of the most irritating characters ever, but Annie might be the worst character ever written.
She ruins the whole movie. Every time she opens her mouth it's spewing some trollish right-wing garbage or some childish vulgarities, and I do mean literally every single moment. It completely ruins the tension in the movie, you can't focus on anything that's happening because you just dread her speaking, and you can't sympathize with her so there's no scares. And the fact that she lives makes the whole experience even worse because you just want to see her die so badly. Even the credits doesn't spare you from her awful rapping and childish sense of humor.
Besides her the movie is a mess in other ways. The camera for one is annoying because it switches constantly between two characters Annie and Stretch, but it's always on Annies phone, and it's not always clear why one is holding the phone and the other isn't. And besides that there's no way that phone would have stayed working, remain on the same app, or not run out of power at some point. I know your supposed to suspend your sense of disbelief, but I only have so much of that.
The other issue is that it becomes difficult to tell where the action is taking place, especially towards the end where just random stuff just starts happening to try and amp up the action, but really just leaves you more confused.
I'll never say don't watch a movie, but this movie will make you hate watching it through out it's meager hour and nineteen minute runtime.
Doom: Annihilation (2019)
A rather faithful adaptation to the video game
I don't understand the hate for this movie, for it's budget it's very good. It seems like people hate on it because the lead is a woman, and because they think its generic and cheap looking. The movie doesn't have much of a budget but it uses it to its fullest. The cgi is good, the practical effects are good, what the hell do you want out of it?
And of course its story is generic, so is the video game. Did you honestly think there was going to be some grand plot here? It's Aliens, but with demons from hell. Thats all that the Doom games are.
The writing is not that bad, the movie has a good flow, the acting isn't horrible, I've seen way worse.
Yeah it suffers from a lack of budget, it could be gorier, I wish there were more kinds of demons, but once again they worked with what they had and delivered some fairly good looking demons, most especially the ones at the end.
This is what the first Doom movie should have been, not the garbage pile of a movie with worse acting, even more generic characters, and monsters that weren't even from hell.
You might as well suck it up people because this is going to be the most faithful Doom movie you're ever going to get.