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Reviews
Along Came Polly (2004)
Romantic comedy with dubious romance and comedy
With such an interesting and diverse cast (Hoffman, Azaria, Baldwin, Messing, Aniston, Brown), there was so much potential for this film to be really funny. Yet the film just never delivered. In fact, the film was so close to being funny, I'm guessing it's actually due to directing that this film was a misfire. I can only imagine the cast's disappointment when they first saw the film. Subtle points of humor just didn't work in the film. The "risk assessment" aspect could have been a lot funnier. A little more insight into Reuben, Lisa, and Polly would have helped make the plot more believable as well. Although, I applaud the brave effort of Philip Seymour Hoffman... he helped elevate the film above dreck-status. I think this film would have been funnier if the subtle humor were played up and toilet humor ratcheted down a notch or two. Overall, I was just disappointed I didn't laugh out loud once during the entire film.
The Grudge (2004)
Steaming Pile of Excrement
Do you like intelligently-written suspense and horror films? Then the Grudge is not for you. This film has a paper-thin plot, barely makes sense, shoddy-looking special effects, overused flashbacks, lackluster performances, and ultimately makes The Ring look like a masterpiece. Bill Pullman was grossly underutilized, albeit scanty screen-time was written that way in the script for him. I just can't believe Sam Raimi produced this film, because even the Evil Dead films blow this film away. I was one of three people in the theater viewing this film, and the other two left before the film was over. Stay far, far away from this movie. It is definitely not worth shelling out money for. This film leaves too many unanswered questions, including why this film was made.
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
The worst movie ever made
This was the worst waste of $7 I've ever known. I have never seen such an unoriginal, boring, waste of film in my life. If I could award negative points for a film, I'd give it a -5.
The plot was sluggish and the movie at not point had a shred of originality. The entire shootout at the police station looked exactly like the shootout in Phantoms. The entire torture room looked like a tamer version of Dee Snider's Strangeland. The demon wasn't even that convincing.
The editing was almost as bad as the plot points. One moment the car the kids are driving is smashed to bits, the next it looks like it came off of a lot, brand new. The color schemes were horrible, as the colors would suddenly brighten at a moment's notice.
The characters never tried to get remorse from the audience. If something like what happened at the begining happened for real, not a single soul would actually go back to see the crime scene. I heard more laughs in the theatre than screams, or even the occasional "that's gross", because everything in this movie has been seen before. The fact that the girl (I'm not gonna even bother remembering her name) referenced the Scream movies didn't help much either.
Whoever approved of this film being made should actually sit down and think real hard about this abomination that he/she released. The standards for "horror" films have reached a new low.
Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story (2001)
Another poor VH1 film
There may be minor spoilers ahead for those that don't know much about Def Leppard.
In the line of Sweetwater, Just The Two Of Us, and Meat Loaf comes another awful VH1 biopic, Hysteria. This "movie" is a badly dramatized version of Def Leppard's Behind the Music. I am a Def Leppard fan, but I am very saddened by this. It amazes me that they gave Anthony Michael Hall top billing for it, but he was in the film for no more than 10 minutes (if that). The music was badly lip-syched, making it hard to beLIEve that anyone was really playing/singing. The guy that was trying to be Joe Elliot sounded like a clown on helium when he was talking on stage. I've seen indie films with better car crashes than the one they allowed for Rick Allen. The fact that during that scene in which Rick was trying to pass that guy, it seemed to me the same piece of film was used repeatedly.
Everything also seemed very rushed. Behind the Music at least allowed elements of the band to be brought to light. The break between Pyromania and Hysteria was badly portrayed. Steve Clark's addictions were played up, but the just given an American Graffiti-style end in which they just say he died. No funeral scene, no reaction from the band, nothing. The conflict between Savage and Elliot started after Allen's accident, but never was really continued. I cannot continue with the poor aspects of this film.
To VH1 I say this, stick to the Behind The Musics and leave the movies about the rock stars to Oliver Stone and Jonathan Demme.