Reviews

What a terrible film.

It starts well, with the title sequence, but that's about as good as it gets.

The movie is something about rats turning into monsters and going on a killing spree. The acting isn't so much poor, but the script is pointless and the film isn't even scary despite the atmospheric music.

It really is amazing that some group cobbled together this bag of rubbish and thought it would make a good film.

It isn't a good film. It's trash, and I urge you not to waste a minute of your life on it! One out of ten.

I caught this movie late one night and thought I'd give it a try.

I hadn't given up on it by halfway through so I watched it to the end. It's a bit samey all the way through, murder after murder, but it's still entertaining.

It centres on Angela Baker, played to perfection by Pamela Springsteen. She's this goofy summer camp woman with an overbite which makes her look innocent but she's far from it!

Angela is an insane teacher at the camp, but long before she got a job there she killed kids before when she was a child at another summer camp.

It's all far-fetched hokum, but fun.

The murders are grisly and graphic, but there's no doubt the tongue is firmly in the mouth of the director.

Give it a go, it's not a bad horror movie!!

I could not really make head nor tail out of this horror film. Or so-called horror film.

It starts when a bus carrying convicted prisoners to jail, crashes. The convicts escape but take an old doctor with them because a prisoner's brother has been hurt in the accident, and they want to make sure he's okay.

After a lot of needless swearing, countless "f" words (about 1,000), they come across an old village from about two centuries back, inhabited by vampires. It gets dark, the vampires attack and kill the convicts except for the doctor who escapes.

He is then convicted and sent to jail for supposedly murdering the other convicts, but really it was the vampires. If that wasn't bad enough, he is then transported to prison in a van which - get this - crashes.

The same thing happens. Different convicts escaping with the doctor, who leads them all to the same village where the vampires are. Havoc erupts, and err...

I won't spoil the end, but let's just say, this isn't Shakespare. Almost impossibly bad, one of the worst films you will ever see.

Just one out of ten.

I was twelve years old when this thriller was first screened, on Sunday teatime, around 5pm if my memory serves me right. I had just finished eating my Sunday lunch and was checking what was on TV, as my older brother slept a few beers off on the lounge settee.

Soldier and Me immediately caught my attention. It followed a long tradition on both ITV and BBC of showing family dramas on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

The plot was very simple. Two teenagers witness a murder of an old man, only for them to tell the police and the old man turns up alive. Of course he is an imposter, the old man really did died. And as a consequence the two lads spend the following five programmes evading capture from the killers who are spies.

Unfortunately, because of the then UK coal strike, I missed the last episode due to a power cut. I managed to see part of it when the show was re-screened in 1981 - seven years later!! But to this day I have never seen the full last episode.

Ever since Blair Witch Project, movies with little or no plot use a documentary style to fill up the 1 and a half hours, or so, they're given by the film company.

This piece of trash is no exception. It starts off well - the first five minutes a teeny bit scary-ish - but then drops into this very tiresome documentary mode, full of crap interviews, laced with painfully unfunny "humour" and "wit".

The guy hosting the documentary is annoying enough with what sounds like a fake British accent. And the make-up sucks. He's obviously heavily made up to look like someone he isn't. Maybe perhaps a spoof on a real TV news host! Who knows!

And the character Jesse St Clair, played by Rachael Leigh Cook, wears this badly-made blonde wig that's obviously too big for her head. The sets, the script, the plot, the make-up department, not forgetting the embarrassing acting, all make for a movie to avoid at all costs.

I had to steel myself not to get passed the first twenty minutes without whizzing through to the end.

Dire. Zero out of ten if I could give zero. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with a one!

Other members of the IMDb may have rated this "1", and that's up to them, but I thought Leprechaun was a real fun horror movie.

I have seen the other films in this series but the first was entertaining.

Low on budget yes, but never boring and always whimsical. Warwick Davis, the small actor who plays the leprechaun, is very good in this role, as he is in all his movies.

He may be lacking in height but not talent.

A brilliant performance by him, and even Jennifer Aniston isn't that bad, and I usually find her a turn off in movies.

Humour, horror, and lots of pace. I gave it 7 out of 10.

I watched this movie the following morning after recording it on tape, on UK's Film4. It's obvious from the start that the sadistic Asami Yamazaki is a loony: unless the fella looking for a bride is, which is possible.

It's either one or the other. Turns out it is indeed the pretty young girl who captures the attention of Shigeharu Aoyama, pervy middle-aged bloke.

Two things strike me here. Although I don't condone violence or murder of any kind, there was no way I was going to have any sympathy for this weird 50-year-old bloke who, with the aid of his sneaky boss, slyly "auditions" girls for a film that will never be. It's simply an excuse for the pervy pair to look over young girls so that one can have his way with her - sorry with intent to marry her.

As Asami begins to inflict torture on Shigeharu, she says: "you like all the rest; you audition girls, tell them they're no good, then ring them up for sex." And she's quite right. HE DID DO THAT. Aside from the fact this girl is clearly YOUNG ENOUGH to be his daughter, she's unhappy and suffering from some sort of low self esteem, Shigeharu ignores all advice not to get involved, and subsequently gets his just deserts.

Sorry, but I can not have any sympathy for this man. He's truly a slimy specimen. We see this in flashbacks of memory, where Shigeharu has had in his subconscious, pervy thoughts about his secretary, and his young son's girlfriend who's a schoolgirl.

The story, on the other hand, whilst being interesting and horrific, runs on the screen for far too long. I'd like to have duration, 1 hour 20 minutes, rather than the 2 hours it lasts for.

It's stretched out way beyond it's plot...

Nevertheless, 7 out of 10. But was there any need for such graphic scenes? No.

I have never really rated Forest Whitaker as an actor. And this is his best role, because he mainly keeps his mouth shut! The setting is gloomy and almost as if all the characters operate within a half mile radius. The gangsters are about as scary as Mary Poppins, and there's mirth injected for some odd reason - which is internal or not, I don't know.

Forest plays a "successful" bird-fancying (of the feather variety) hit-man who does a hit, which upsets some other gangsters, and basically he becomes the hit. The film is very slow, highlighted only very scarcely with shoot-outs.

It looks as if it was made for TV, or straight to video. I neither found it compelling or remotely watchable, but when I start with a film, I have to finish it.

And the end? Boy, was this tough going. Only 3 out of 10.

Before watching this the second time, I knew it was a low budget film and the special effects pretty sub-standard but good.

I had however somehow got confused with another film, I think also starring Bridget Fonda, about killer crocodiles, but this one was slightly different. The setting was the same, and I think the characters were the same, all except this version ran for about 1 hour 50 minutes; the version I saw last night (August 5th,2006)lasted just 1 hour 15 minutes, and I watched that on TV.

I gave it 5 out of 10. A reasonable film, but the ending was rubbish. Had any of these so-called experts really thought there were only TWO killer crocodiles? Or that there may be thousands of little crocs (which there were, growing in the waters).

No, so both Fonda and Pullman went off into the sunset, no doubt thinking of "other things"...nudge nudge, with thoughts of maybe sharing a bottle of wine and a bed.

And the bloke with the beard went somewhere, too, so he'd had enough! This film could have killed Fonda's movie career. I see from her profile that she made only a handful of film and TV appearances until her retirement in 2001.

All in all, Lake Placid has a weak ending.

Paranoia is a strange mental condition. The belief that others are plotting against you.

If you've ever had paranoia, then this isn't the movie for you. If you're already of stable mind, then it's a 10 out of 10. If you're not of stable mind, it will definitely make you paranoid even more. Much more. Much much more. Incredibly so.

Pinch yourself, is this really your life, to do with whatever? Is your mother your mother, your father your father? Your best friend, your best friend? And even your wife your wife? In other words, are you being manipulated? Does the town where you live in really exist? Do YOU even exist? I liked this film, so what does that make me? Stable, or paranoid? LOL. A great film, amazing. Jim's best when he's acting straight, or even partially straight. A much better actor.