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fauxfawkes
Reviews
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
So disappointed.
So, loved the first two, actually walked away from the 3rd. Knew it was going to be a rough watch but if I wanted to stare at a giant toy ad, an animal snuff film, or be reminded of how much most sentient bipeds suck I'd sign up for Twitter. I mean X. To summarize without giving away too much, eveyone is either hurt, angry, sad, dying, or remembering being all four. A friend of mine put it best, it's basically an hour and a half of crappy plot devices used to pull at your Heartstrings while Disney bleeds every last cent out of a dying franchise. Unless Marvel gets bought from the idiots destroying it at Disney (So, never.), this was my last Marvel movie. Way to ruin a fun series of movies and a franchise.
Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway (2019)
The kind of movie you watch while recovering from anesthetic and a bad cold.
20 words or less? If you do drugs watch this movie. If you don't do drugs, do drugs and watch this movie. This is the quintessential movie for watching while not quite in complete control of your senses. Serious review? Where to begin? It's like if you took your Game Boy, wrapped it in a paper Gorbachev mask covered in LSD, and ate it while playing Spy Hunter and watching the kind of stuff that comes on at 2:30 on a Wednesday morning when you have insomnia. It's epic, it's weird, and if you like weird stuff, right up your alley. Also, I would like to add Daniel Tadesse freaking rocks! Trust me, this is an awesome film. Now go stay up waaaaaay too late and watch this movie.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
An hour and 40 minites I can't get back.
Words fail me. I got to see this for free, and feel the most shocking thing in this movie was that those who paid to see it didn't riot afterwards for their money back. Watch the trailer and save yourself an hour and 30 some odd minutes. The whole movie is there. Charecters were one dimensional and aside from Bautista could have been replaced with a bag of stale popcorn, and still had the same impact. Plot was stupid and predictable. Honestly I thought The Happening was the stupidest movie M. Night Shyamalan had made, but this makes that look like a masterpiece. If you want some good old religious apocalypse silliness go watch The Seventh Sign (1988) or Red State (2011). At least those movies didn't take themselves so seriously.
California's Gold (1991)
It's... AMAZING!
Absolutely enchanting show. I used to watch this show years ago while going through my wild and care free days of drinking and partying. Many is a sleepy morning I have spent exploring california with Huell Howser. This is the best show to watch at like 7AM on a Sunday while nursing a hangover from the night before. Huell is an imperturbable optimist who finds something "AMAZING!" in everything whether it be a gold panning operation or sewage treatment facility. Whether your an old viewer or discovering this show for the first time, you will not be disappointed. We should all hope to be as enchanted by the mundane as he. Much love for this show.
Our Flag Means Death (2022)
Brilliant, just brilliant.
By now everyone knows the plot, and everyone has their opinion so I'll just throw my two cents in. As a member of the community being portrayed I am absolutely delighted. Often us pirates are poorly represented as stereotypes and rarely in a flattering light. Often we are either relegated to minor roles or worse, shoehorned into a plot as a token character and made to feel as if we should be overwhelmed with gratitude for the "representation". My husband and I grew up in a time when pirates were rarely shown to be persons to be respected, let alone emulated. It's wonderful to see the openly piratical leads in a touching love story where their relationship is viewed as being just as valid as anyones. Bravo. It's also nice to see the other community I belong to represented in something other than a cautionary tale where everyone is miserable, dies horribly, or suffers from self loathing. The LGBTQIA+ community desperately needs more upbeat and affirming shows and cinema. On behalf of all us pirates and queers HBO PLEASE RENEW OFMD!
The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun (2021)
Brilliant, artistic, and quintessentially Wes Anderson.
If you enjoy Wes Anderson movies you will fall in love with this. An epic love song to all that artistic journalism embodies. Imagine if Hunter Thompson wrote a piece for the New Yorker, was banished to France, and wrote all his manic musings on expat views down, and then someone turned it into a movie with artistic flourishes to make anyone with a love of journalism giddy with delight. Bravo.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988)
A Completely Biased Review
Honestly, I am certain many of the other reviews explain the peomise in case you've purposely been avoiding hearing of this show until now, so I'll just throw my two cents in. I've been watching MST3K since the late 90's and I can very honestly say this is one of those shows that will either leave you scratching your head, or turn you into a complete fanatic. If you and a friend have ever hate watched a movie at 2am after drinking too much coffee and/or alcohol, and died laughing at each others comments, this IS your show. Also, if you are a cinephile of any stripe you will be sucked right in by the absolutely bonkers film selections. From bad movies across multiple genres made in the 50's, through bad movies made in the last decade, you will learn to appreciate just how low the bar is actually set. Also, ignore the whole "It was better when..." BS. Every single season had it's highs and lows but is still carried on the shoulders of some of the best comedians in the business. MSTies forever!
Chad (2021)
Can you sue for excessive poor taste?
Seriously, the commercials alone made me want to go all Event Horizon on myself. Mind bogglingly stupid caricature of teen angst and alienation. Does anyone really need another show to remind us all what a waste of time and brain cells High School was? I can only imagine this show was made on a REALLY drunken bet. Like found on a bar floor scrawled on a crayon before being remembered kind of bet. And before anyone gets their nose in the air about the fact I haven't watched a single episode, I'd like to point out I don't have to put my dangly bits in a vise to know it's not going to be pleasant.
Nobody (2021)
Grade A Bang Bang
If you're going into this expecting an Academy Award winning movie filled with nuance, drama, and a deep commentary on social mores, then you deserve to be disappointed. On the other hand, if you want a great action flick to forget about the kind of people who go into this movie expecting that, than this is for you. Harkens back to classic Bruce Willis fare with a knowing wink that never feels like it is meant to cash in on nostalgia. Wish there were more movies that didn't feel the need to appease every audience, or have some heavy handed morality behind it regardless of the agenda. Just. Plain. Fun.
Animaniacs (2020)
The Only Reboot Worth Watching Ever
So good. Seriously, soooo good. Miss The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt, and Mindy and Buttons, but so glad to see The Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, not to mention Pinky and the Brain back on again. The show is still as irreverent as ever, while still barely toeing the line of good taste. My nostalgic wish has been fulfilled while still updating that multigenerational sense of humor that appealed to me originally. If you were the only one of your friends who died laughing when they did the "Who's on first?" skit with 60's and 70's band names, you will be pleased! Welcome back old friends!
The Big Bang Theory (2007)
The Big Bland Theory
What to say about this show that hasn't been said already? Tried watching a few episodes to appease friends who thought this was the most hilarious thing they had ever seen and found myself longing for the inherent humor of mentioning a slide rule to a computer programmer. Allow me to sum up every episode I have seen. Three manchild "nerds" who are caricatures from every jocks limited imagination, live next to a physically attractive, but vapid blond and make repeatedly unamusing pop culture and science related references. Laughing yet? No? Allow me to repeat that over and over again accompanied by a laugh track until you are. (And add terrible relationship arcs later to draw in more viewers apparently.) As someone who identifies as a "nerd" and grew up around actual scientists I fail to see how anyone with an iota of intelligence, or a cerebral sense of humor can be anything but offended and disgusted by this mindless drivel. I laughed more often watching Cosmos. Don't waste your time if you haven't accidentally already. And Chuck Lorre, please stop abusing the television medium and crawl back under whatever fungus you wormed your way out of.
Hangar 1: The UFO Files (2014)
Would rather watch Mars Attacks.
Less them 15 minutes into this supposed documentary and Kennedy picks up the infamous red phone to Moscow. Any credibility this series disappeared like an eyewitness testimony held up to facts. I'll leave it to viewers to figure out why. If you believe this BS, you deserve to.