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Reviews
The Flash (2023)
Mediocre in every way
I'm a huge nerd who can enjoy something mid-tier if it's entertaining enough, but this film is bad even if you ignore the toxicity of Ezra. I had to fight the urge to look at my phone multiple times during the 2+ hour run time. The first half of this movie is tragically boring, and the second half devolves into a CGI mess of misplaced fanservice shoveled in by the truckload that makes very little sense. I'll never understand how WB, in all their wisdom, can't get it right. They could literally use the animated DC-verse as a template and just put real actors into those scripts, but instead they release these dumpster fires of cinema on us and expect a thank you. Not even from this Keaton fanboy.
I'm so very sorry if you paid to see this, it wasn't even worth the points I spent to see it free.
Ambulance (2022)
Not your best work, Michael.
You can't watch a Bay film and critique it using normal is-it-good parameters, but boy was this a hard one to get through, even by those metrics. I enjoy some good Bayhem, but whoever gave him a camera drone needs to be fired. The script is straight up bonkers. Jake Gyllenhaal is having a complete blast. The movie doesn't so much end as it just stops. And whatever happened to Trent, the Birkenstock wearing crew member after he gets bumped by the car? If this review sounds a bit disconnected, you've got a good idea what to expect from Ambulance.
Strawberry Mansion (2021)
Weird and wonderful
Do you like your movies a bit odd and maybe a little rough around the edges? This is your jam, right here. One of those films that's full of heart and eccentricity, light on telling you exactly what to think about it. I love the retro futurist look, super indie but very charming. Acting isn't bad, either, and fits with the aesthetic.
The Stand (2020)
Spectacularly bad filmmaking
Being a huge fan of both the novel and the original series, I was very excited to see a new much longer adaptation of this Stephen King classic. Unfortunately it became very clear early on that this trainwreck of a show was dead set on getting it all wrong. Every choice they made, from casting to pacing to every female characters lack of depth is just head scratching and bad. The non linear way they tell the story is disjointed and confusing for anyone not incredibly familiar with the book, and even worse if you love the book. Weirdly the terrible writing and structure of the show allow less time to be spent with the characters in spite of an even longer run time. Every main character is done a disservice in Josh Boone's blender style of filmmaking. Just terrible in every respect.
Psycho Goreman (2020)
Incredibly Clever
The team who made The Void have another winner on their hands. Gory, hilarious, and fun, this film has so much heart and soul I can't even stand it. They take some of the greatest tropes in horror and turn them on their heads in some of the most clever film making I've ever seen. Just great fun and entertainment.
Come Play (2020)
Not as clever as it pretends it is
The movie has a decent, but flimsy, premise that sets up some good early scares. The problem is that these characters barely act like people, let alone parents of a pre teen autistic child. Even when the film tries to put a twist on a few cliches in some scenes it doubles down on those same cliches in the rest of the film. Solid CGI and a few good ideas make this horror flick at least entertaining, but too inconsistent to be more than passable.
Bloodshot (2020)
Above average super hero action
Notice I did not say AWESOME or great super hero action, so calm your expectations Marvel fans, what we have here is a very competent PG13 adventure. The story has enough wrinkles to avoid being exactly what you're expecting, and actually treads lightly in satire territory just when you think you've got it pegged. Toss in some decent, sometimes video gamey CGI, and a few very serviceable performances by the supporting cast for a fun action flick. It's as good as some of the best Vin Diesel films, which is pretty much all you need to know. If The last Witch Hunter was your bag, this movie is right there.
We Go On (2016)
I suprising gem of a ghost story!
I admit to skipping this "Shudder Exclusive" a few times, but We Go On is a fantastic ghost story. The acting is great and the film is shot well, but most surprising is how well thought out the script was. Everything just works well, and any fan of supernatural horror/fantasy should give it a watch.
The Mandela Effect (2019)
Fantastic science fiction
Like a more philosophical The Matrix. Solid acting for the lower budget nature of the film. For as exposition heavy as it is the writing manages to keep everything clear and moving, and might even get you asking questions about your own ideas of reality. It's not gonna win many awards, but it's also pretty entertaining sci-fi throughout.