Reviews

According to Wikipedia, "China has one of the longest histories of continuously recorded martial arts tradition of any society in the world, and with hundreds of styles probably the most varied. Over the past two to four thousand years, many distinctive styles have been developed, each with its own set of techniques and ideas." One of the coolest things about Kung Fu Panda is that it seems to celebrate some of these individual styles, representing them with its own animal. The animated martial arts in the film is lithe and mesmerizing; surprisingly sharp for a kids movie. Teens, parents, and kung fu fanatics will all get their money's worth with this high-spirited and high-energy flick.

The plot is obvious. A fat, lazy panda (voiced by a precisely cast Jack Black) gets a chance to prove his worth as the "Dragon Warrior" who will save China from the wicked snow leopard Tai Lung (Ian McShane). In order to do this, he must be trained by Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman), a deceptively small red panda who has trained the greatest kung fu warriors in all China, the Furious Five, voiced by (*deep breath*) Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, and David Cross. Of course, they all expected to be chosen to be the Dragon Warrior, and here's Chub Fu to take away the coveted prize.

The voice talents are mostly generic. The exceptions would be Jack Black, who brings a slacker panda reminiscent of Kevin Smith comedy to life almost flawlessly, and Dustin Hoffman, doing such a good job as Master Shifu that you won't even recognize his gravely enunciation unless you listen closely.

I recommend 'Kung Fu Panda'. Everyone'll have a blast. Even if it's predictable to the very end, the characters are all likable, and the film has a cartoony animation style but still looks gorgeous.

3/4

"I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective."

Famke Janssen is a joy to behold in this insightful, underrated portrait of an alarmingly cynical woman. 'Love & Sex' takes a refreshingly frank look at the politics of sex between two individuals. Janssen, whom I had only beheld in all her beauty in a few "meh" action flicks, puts mountains of charm and introspection into this performance.

She plays Kate Welles, a jaded women's magazine columnist who finds trouble with her foulmouthed boss for writing an article with step-by-step instructions on oral sex ("When life sucks, so should you!") This pretty much sets the tone for the film, which contains no nudity but some explicit sexual dialogue.

I'm not presenting this as a negative whatsoever. It's almost inspiring, in fact, seeing a romantic comedy (no matter how IFC it is) that is so candid about such matters.

Roger Ebert, the best critic out there, gave the film a negative review, feeling that "In successful screen romance, there needs to be the sense that the partners are happy simply to be there with one another, that there is a physical yearning, and not simply the need to talk fast enough to stay ahead of the one-liners." I would agree, partially. 'Love & Sex' is not perfect, far from it. At times it can seem like a series of one-liners, but would you rather have a train of quick and biting one-liners for dialogue, or a wretched dredge through moronic cheeseball sentimentality? I prefer the former.

Overall, 'Love & Sex' is a shrewd and funny mix of Woody Allen and 'Sex and the City', and I would recommend it to open-minded moviegoers looking a quick and pleasing comedy with satisfying bite.

3/4

Quick review here.

You can breathe, fanboys. 'Iron Man' lives up the the hype (unlike that godawful '300'). Robert Downey, Jr. is effective and funny as Tony Stark the profiteer-turned-mechanical-superhero. The action scenes are truly awesome. Gwyneth Paltrow and Terrence Howard's poorly written roles are outdone by their finely tuned performances. (Although I did laugh harder at Paltrow's "hohoba" rant in 'Proof' than at any time in 'Iron Man'.) Jeff Bridges is especially good (in an equally bad role), as the John Malkovich/Darth Bill Gates villain.

It does seem at times that the screenplay only requires clever dialogue for Downey's character. This nearly lethal habit gets annoying after a bit (I mean after the first five minutes).

'Iron Man' is doesn't contain anything new or original, but the performances are excellent, the special effects are exhilarating and groundbreaking, and the inept screenplay does have its moments with some clever dialogue. This is stuff for a particular audience, if you get what I mean.

2.5/4

The world now seems to be in an odd stage of downsizing, in which objects such as DVD and CD players are steadily decreasing in size. It is obviously much cooler to have a smaller iPod than a larger one. This is not so with theater screens, as is the case with the IMAX, the enormous, widely-known theater system that has stunned audiences upon its release, and to this day. As long as the material's right.

The main problem with 'Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon 3D" is that it uses the huge screen as its main advantage. It is dull, uninformative, and relentlessly eager to please and amaze us with its corny special effects and inspiring quotes from famous names such as Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Another problem with the film is that it doesn't even take the time to sit down and interview those lucky few who have had such an extraordinary experience as to have been to the moon. Instead, the writers have simply pressed COPY and PASTE and hired famous voices such as Morgan Freeman, Bill Paxton, and Matt Damon to imitate their famous quotes. This tactic is unrelentingly repetitive and tedious.

I'd say without one moment's hesitation that I didn't learn one piece of information from the film that I didn't already know.

And it repeatedly insisted on irritating the crap out of me with its insistent sentimentality. Every three minutes there seems to be a cue for Tom Hanks' voice to say something like "Without the contributions of these brave men and women..." Watching the film is like watching a bad commercial. For forty agonizing minutes.

1/4

'Underworld' is a film totally misunderstood by critics nationwide. This is not the kind of movie you take seriously. You will not weep or be shaken with emotion. Instead, with the right mindset (and surrounded by friends each with a bowl of popcorn) you might just have a fun time watching it.

Kate Beckinsale does some great work here. This is no Academy Award-winning (or even Saturn Award-winning) character play, but Selene is such a sleek, lethal vamp that we can't help but just love her to death. Bill Nighy does great things with his vamp as well; Viktor is one of those great villains that Satan would flee from (yes, I just quoted Ebert). Scott Speedman is effective but not amazing. As for Shane Brolly...just try to ignore him. And finally, the lovely Sophia Myles. I actually liked her character quite a lot; her conniving, quietly lustful vampire Erika is great, but I would have liked to have seen more of her scheming ways.

'Underworld' is obvious campy, but it's not boring, which is the number one thing it has going for it. Boring camp is tragic and awful at the same time, but 'Underworld', fortunately, has some nice performances and great effects, and the Gothic environments conjure up memories of 'Dark City' and 'The Matrix' in which no place is safe. Not even for a super-powered vampire princess.

3/4

While I start out with a rather unprofessional title here, I assure you, it's exactly what I thought of this sickly, pathetic new addition to the 'Spider-Man' series. It is obviously crucial that I start out the review by mentioning that I liked the first two films (both 8/10's). I think Maguire was terrifically cast, the special effects are terrific, and I liked the sweet, loving relationship between Peter and MJ. But the third film in the series is like gasoline poured into your favorite glass of milk. It fails utterly and miserably.

I am awarding it a 4 out of 10 for one reason only: the stupendous special effects. Although the effects will no doubt be beaten by the likes of 'The Golden Compass' and 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End', the Sony team does a stellar job of bringing Venom, the Sandman, and Evil Harry to life.

Now. Let's talk crap.

The dialog and relationship between Peter Parker and MJ is grossly miscalculated. When Peter missed poor dear MJ's play in the second film, I actually felt distressed about it. Now, when MJ is ordered by Evil Harry to break up with Peter, it's a barely painful scene to watch. By now, Peter has become so whiny and predictable, I wish he would just hook up with Ursula and be done with it. Just kidding.

But still, it gets annoying after a while. I feel like I would rather have someone like Jake Gyllenhaal playing Spidey now. Maguire is tired out.

And there's also one awful, inexplicably and shockingly stupid scene involving Spidey and his nearly erotic connection to his new black suit. It seems as though the suit not only makes his greedy and extremely powerful, but it also serves as a tool for lusting after beautiful women. This leads to the formerly mentioned awful, inexplicably stupid and shocking scene where Peter/Spidey decides to go onto the sidewalk and dance the day away. Literally, dance. And make suggestive gestures as attractive women.

I chuckle as I imagine the stupefied expressions on the audiences faces as they watch this unbelievably idiotic scene.

But hey, cheer up. There's one scene in the movie that works perfectly. It's after The Sandman (Thomas Haden Church overacting) escapes from prison, and meets up with his angered wife and still-loving daughter. That scene is sweet and realistic, and it works very, very well.

But the rest...just doesn't. Resist the temptation of that shiny cover, and instead pick up the DVD copy of 'Waitress', a much more funny, touching, and real movie than this one.

1.5/4

Juno MacGuff is a sarcastic, cynical, tomboyish teen played by Ellen Page in a fantastic, perfectly tuned performance. After sort-of-spontaneous (but not really) sex with her best friend, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera of 'Superbad'), Juno receives an unwanted package--a pregnancy. Woops.

Juno decides to give her baby to an affluent couple, Mark and Vanessa Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner). All seems well at first, but it will be a bumpy road until birth.

I can spend hours gushing about how terrific a movie 'Juno' is, but I'm not really the greatest writer on the planet, so I'll just express the fact that 'Juno' has a strange effect on you. After seeing it, I almost felt as if I would walk out of the theater and see Juno MacGuff just standing there, as if she were a regular living, breathing teenager. That's how good Page is. In fact, every single performance in the film is absolutely tremendous. I liked how Allison Janney's stepmom character isn't turned into a whiny she-demon like most formula stepmoms, instead, she's far more friendlier (if a little unsure of Juno's odd ways) than we would ever expect. And J.K. Simmons finally gets a role where he isn't a total jerk; instead, he's a sensitive father who truly cares for his wacky daughter.

The soundtrack is awesome, I'll be buying it as soon as possible. The wait for the DVD will be truly agonizing, but worth it in the end. We can see the chain reactions here when a group of truly ambitious individuals (such as Jason Reitman, Diablo Cody, and Ellen Page) get together and make a movie such as this. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.

I give 'Juno' my highest recommendation possible.

Sweeeeet, man. 4/4

It is rare, truly rare, when a film is actually frightening. 'Hard Candy' is one of these films. It gets inside of you. Digs away at your mind. It's altogether creepy.

And at the core of this film is two actors: a then-eighteen-year-old Ellen Page, and Tony Award-nominated Patrick Wilson.

A prior warning: Page's performance is just a wee bit alarming.

She plays Haley, a fourteen-year-old girl who meets "Lensmaster319" on an online chat room, who actually turns out to be a charming, 32-year-old photographer named Jeff. They decide to meet. At the Nighthawks coffee shop, they flirt, and Hayley convinces Jeff to take her home.

They seem to be perfect together. Their conversation flows like running water--until Hayley prepares some drinks.

Before he can do anything, Jeff passes out, and wakes up tied to a chair. A predicament indeed. Hayley tells him she suspects that he is a pedophile.

Hayley, the sweet, charismatic teenager who once seemed so foolish and naïve, is now holding all the cards. And this is just the beginning.

Ellen Page's performance is one of complete, gritty realism and honesty. She knows how to act like a sweet teenaged girl named Hayley, and when to turn into the monster with the same name. The cinematography is fantastic; 'Hard Candy' looks simply gorgeous. And the film's #1 advantage over other thrillers is the fact that it is so scary. I can't stop myself from thinking about this movie, even after three weeks!

I'd be worried about seeing this. It is NOT a film for everyone. If you decide to see it, be warned, certain fears from this film may linger for quite some time.

9/10

It might seem a bit unfair that I already knew what was going to happen in the movie. In movies like this, it shows what would really happen. It picks one group out of the whole. This is a rare thing-a movie truly deserving respect. For some strange reason, I found the movie really, really, weirdly disturbing. The films today, looking to exploit youthful audiences, are far more violent than this film. But for some reason, I found it even scarier than those movies. Maybe it's the black-and-white. Or the indiscriminatingly violent deaths. Or maybe seeing burned corpses picked apart and eaten just really turns my stomach...

Yep, I'm pretty sure it's answer C. Though you might not realize it while you're watching, 'Night of the Living Dead' is truly frightening. Though it was made on a low-budget with unknowns, it has some terrific acting and directing.

I don't think I'll watch it again. I found it fantastically well-made, but not "enjoyable" in the sense of the word. Though it was made in 1968, it's guaranteed to create nausea in everyone.

9 charred corpses out of 10.

It's amazing that they can make a flesh-eating ghoul with scarred blue skin and a tendency to eat the neighbors into a lovable teddy bear named Fido. Though 'Fido' isn't without its slips, by the end of the movie I really didn't give a crap. I loved Fido.

There's no doubt it might just make the cult-classic list, for its lovable characters, cunning wit and brilliant cast. Carrie-Anne Moss still somehow retains her Matrix-y badass persona even as a 50's housewife. There's a hilarious scene where Fido leads her to Timmy, who is in danger of getting eaten alive by a zombie. The dialogue ("What is it, Fido? Is Timmy in trouble?") obviously gave me flashbacks and made me chuckle out loud.

What makes 'Fido' funny is how the film makes itself seem so...cute, even though it is occasionally punctuated by a bloody killing. If you pay attention, you'll notice Moss' character, who seemed to be a sterile housewife at first look, now pulls out her handy snub-nosed pistol and shoots a zombie multiple times. Then, she walks back, and the sweet, Lassie-ish music starts up again. I nearly peed my pants laughing.

And this isn't just a movie for guys. Women will probably outright adore Billy Connelly's Fido, and identify with Moss' character, who deals with her whiny husband daily. The film gets good when she starts to rebel.

I picked this one up from Blockbuster, and I'm sure I'll buy it sometime soon. This is one to add to your collection.

9 rotting zombies out of 10.

Well, 'Grizzly Man' is, overall, an awesome movie. Not only is it entertaining, it also manages to move us with its sad story of a man who only wanted to help one of the world's largest land carnivores, and ended up being slaughtered by one. Damned irony.

Herzog narrates with his biblical "Cherman" voice. He directs the film wonderfully, telling us exactly what we want and need to know. There is a part of the film where Jewel Palovak (a former friend of the grizzly victims', with a splendid name) gives Herzog the tape that recorded the deaths of Treadwell and his girlfriend. You can see the emotion (head in his hands, forehead increasing in pain), and it's probably more powerful than playing the tape itself.

'Grizzly Man' is a terrific role-model for other documentaries to come. It's organized, emotional, and has some truly touching images of nature that I will remember for years to come.

4/4

I don't think The Wild has a single fresh idea. All the plot points are from similar movies. And don't start whining about how "Madagascar stole its ideas from The Wild, not the other way around" you're really just whining because you know this movie would still suck even if Madagascar wasn't released. I mean, just think about it. Watch it again and examine the dialogue.

Every possible line that is spoken in the movie I have heard in another movie before. Kids should not be watching movies like this when Happy Feet and Finding Nemo are in existence.

The animation is great--it's really nice and shiny-looking, and it makes me want to cuddle with a carnivorous lion. It's the only thing that kept me watching this garbage.

Skip this one, please. 1.5/4

As I watched the movie 'Renaissance' last night in my living room, I felt as if I were watching a blank TV screen, not a movie. There was simply no communication between us. The characters in the movie were incredibly wooden and unrealistic, the acting was bad, the plot and dialogue were dumb and riddled with clichés, and the overall film was very predictable.

I have no negatives to say about the animation. It's slick, sexy, and innovative, and it's pretty much the only reason I kept watching for most of the time. I eventually turned it off, and I have a feeling I will never regret it. You'd think a film with this cool, next-gen animation would become a classic, but I see the film becoming forgotten already...

2/4

'Mulholland Drive' is actually a sad, beautiful love story in the guise of a thriller. This film will leave you completely tongue-tied after watching it. I doubt anyone ever figured out the plot on first viewing. There are lots of theories about the film being a dream, and other's where it's not. And there are some where a character is alive, and another where they are, in fact, dead.

So, it will take a while to figure out, but that's the absolute genius of it. Only an absolute master could craft such a film. Kudos also to the excellent cast, especially the leading ladies, Naomi Watts and Laura Harring.

I love this film, and if you look at it the right way you will love it too. It is, in my opinion, one of the greatest films ever made.

4/4

SuperNova is an astonishingly cheeseball TV disaster miniseries--not that I expected much more than that. The acting is truly awful, the plot is utterly riddled with clichés. The Spunky Hero (Luke Perry) has to stop the sun from exploding or something like that. Tia Carrere plays his butt-kickin FBI gal pal. But there's no friskiness between these two--he's got a loving wife and adorable daughter at home.

Who are in danger from (*gasp*) a RAPIST! The series stupidly segue-ways from an exploding sun to a convicted rapist going after the Loving Wife and the Adorable Daughter.

The Adorable Daughter is played by Eliza Bennett, who sadly had to take a stop in this miniseries before she stars in the highly anticipated 2008 fantasy film 'Inkheart,' also starring Brendan Fraser and Paul Bettany. And Helen Mirren and Jim Broadbent.

You get my point. There are probably people with potential talent here, but is is, of course, wasted in this awful film. Don't pick this one up.

'Thunderbirds' is a fun, immature, badly acted film that will probably will be forgotten instantly after it leaves the multiplexes. But it isn't terrible, I managed to finish the entire film, and my little brother loved it. The graphics (that they spent a ridiculous amount of money on) are great, the "Thunderbirds" actually look kind of cool. The kid performances are eager but amateur, and Bill Paxton...should be in another movie.

Overall, this is a feature that definitely belongs on the Disney Channel, but it can be enjoyed by younger kids. 2/4

(Plus, I'm sure die-hard High School Musical fans will be drawn in by Vanessa Anne Hudgens' big screen performance.)

I was stunned by the images in Genesis. They can be beautiful, or powerful, even emotional. I have to say the fishes-out-of-water were my favorite animal here. And the seahorse part...well, I'll just go past that.

Genesis is narrated by Sotigui Kouyaté, an old man who looks like an ancient storyteller. Genesis has solidly atheistic views, but how many documentaries don't? That shouldn't keep religious folks from seeing this marvelous film.

I got more than I expected when I checked out Genesis in my local library. And besides the agonizingly boring seahorse mating scene, I have no qualms about the movie. 9/10.

Final Destination started losing gas in the second film, and now the tank is nearly empty with this pretty awful sequel, Final Destination 3. It's the same shtick, teenaged hero has premonition about horrifically violent CGI crash scene, teenaged hero freaks, gets kicked off, saves friends, blah blah blah.

The miscast teens are all annoyingly bad actors, including Mary Elizabeth Winstead, the damsel in some Death-related distress.

FD3 has the same quality, clever deaths of the first two, but it's really not enjoyable, and honestly, I don't go to the movies to see topless girls screaming in agony as they slowly burn to death.

This is not my definition of fun at the movies. 1/4

This is a great little doc about how the fans of a canceled show rallied together and turned it into an amazing movie: Serenity. It interviews Joss Whedon and the entire cast of Firefly.

They all give their little tidbits on how the film went and how amazing Joss Whedon was. He was dedicated to Firefly from the start, then it was canceled, and he promised that that was not the end, that he would continue pursuing it...

And he did. This documentary, 'Re-Lighting the Firefly' explains all you need to know, and you get to see the whole cast wearing non-Firefly apparel.

Exciting. 9/10

Nine Lives is a moving and mostly realistic drama set within the lives of nine different women. I didn't know what to expect when I rented it from Blockbuster, but I was very surprised, it is sad, but also very affecting.

All of the actresses put in memorable performances, namely Holly Hunter, Robin Wright Penn, and Glenn Close. Hunter plays a woman with a jerk boyfriend who can be a prick to her sometimes. Penn plays Diana, who meets her old lover, Damian (Jason Isaacs) whom she should never have separated from. And Glenn Close plays an older woman who has a picnic in a cemetery with her daughter (Dakota Fanning).

It is a film I will not soon forget, and I am glad to have rented it.

3.5/4