JDOldSchool's Reviews

The Underground Comedy Movie (1999)

1/10

Worst...Movie...Ever

10 December 2004

Imagine the worst skits from Saturday Night Live and Mad TV in one 90 minute movie. Now, imagine that all the humor in those bad skits is removed and replaced with stupidity. Now imagine something 50 times worse.

Got that?

OK, now go see The Underground Comedy Movie. That vision you just had will seem like the funniest thing ever. UCM is the single worst movie I've ever seen. There were a few cheap laughs...very few. But it was lame. Even if the intent of the movie was to be lame, it was too lame to be funny.

The only reason I'm not angry for wasting my time watching this was someone else I know bought it. He wasted his money. Vince Offer hasn't written or directed anything else and it's no surprise why.

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4 Little Girls (1997)

7/10

Solid documentary, but do we need Jesse Jackson?

21 December 2002

To begin, I enjoyed 4 Little Girls. The events of September 15, 1963 should be remembered forever - the four girls are martyrs for the fight against racism. Spike Lee did an excellent job telling the story. The video and photographs of past and present Birmingham set a great scene for those not from Alabama. The Joan Baez song is heart-breaking to say the least. My only problem with the film, and for me it was a severe problem, was the inclusion of modern-day African-American "activists" in a lame attempt to connect with the modern day.

Jesse Jackson was not needed. Reggie White was not needed. Speaking for myself only, but hoping I'm not in the minority, Jesse Jackson has no credibility. He's anywhere that has a TV camera. He's all about Jesse, positively, absolutely, and positively. I don't need "The Reverend" flapping his gums about the ramifications of the Birmingham bombing. I don't need an ex-football player telling me about the bombing either. They have nothing to do with the event, and really have no place in the film.

Generally I'm not a big Spike fan, after all, I hate the Knicks. In all fairness though, the movie was excellent. 7/10.

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A Man Escaped (1956)

8/10

The sound, the sound!

13 November 2002

This movie, perhaps above all others, exemplifies just how important sound is in cinema. In fact, sounds (excluding dialogue) help carry the plot as much as the visuals and dialogue.

The crunching of the gravel under their feet really creates a sense of realism to the story. If you or I were escaping from prison, all the sounds Fontaine must pay attention to we must as well.

I doubt you'll find this film at your local video store, but I encourage everyone to check it out. It's like the Shawshank of the 1950s.

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The Ring (2002)

3/10

Not all it's cracked up to be

30 October 2002

I never expect anything from a horror movie. The "scares" are rarely based on anything truly horrific and instead rely on jump cuts, obscenely loud sounds, quick gross-out shots, and other cinematic devices. In my view, this is much less a sign of great filmmaking and more a sign of a gullible and unintelligent audience.

With that said, The Ring tries. Ultimately, however, all the common editing tricks used in other horror movies are used in The Ring.

The story itself is confusing and leaves a lot unexplained. Sometimes in films, like in Memento or Last Year at Marienbad, this is a good thing. In The Ring, it's a very bad thing. What is unexplained can not really be interpreted and is left too open-ended to satisfy.

And am I the only one that expected the little boy to look at his index finger and mutter "Redrum"?

6/10 - Naomi Watts was good. The concept is good. The execution is flawed.

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The Underground Comedy Movie (1999)

1/10

Worst...Movie...Ever

28 October 2002

Imagine the worst skits from Saturday Night Live and Mad TV in one 90 minute movie. Now, imagine that all the humor in those bad skits is removed and replaced with stupidity. Now imagine something 50 times worse.

Got that?

Ok, now go see The Underground Comedy Movie. That vision you just had will seem like the funniest thing ever. UCM is the single worst movie I've ever seen. There were a few cheap laughs...very few. But it was lame. Even if the intent of the movie was to be lame, it was too lame to be funny.

The only reason I'm not angry for wasting my time watching this was someone else I know bought it. He wasted his money. Vince Offer hasn't written or directed anything else and it's not surprise why.

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Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)

6/10

A different view on the "great" Star Wars

22 August 2002

August 22, 2002. That's today. That's the day I first saw Star Wars. I have one reason for seeing it: I am a film major and before I start this semester I figured I had to see a movie with such historical value. Plus, so many people have put it over as being the best movie of all time. I never had interest in the sci-fi genre, but I figured if it was good, I'd like it.

Nope. Sorry. Now, I only fell asleep once, and just for a few seconds. I quickly woke up, rewinded, and decided it's best to stay awake. After all, it's the last time I'll watch the movie.

I understand completely the historical value this movie has. 25 years ago this film was groundbreaking. The effects were pretty good, even by today's standards. But the movie itself is not very good. It's just average. The plot wasn't very interesting. I was given no reason to care about Luke Skywalker whatsoever. And all I kept thinking throughout the whole thing was "Wow, I never realized how much Independence Day took from Star Wars... but that movie did it so much better!"

I expect a ton of Star Wars nerds to send me hate mail for not totally digging this "Great" movie. WAKE UP people. There's so many better movies out there.

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Crossroads (I) (2002)

6/10

Britney is gold, movie is trite

16 February 2002

I will try my best to give an objective opinion, leaving my bias for Britney out of it.

Crossroads is not the best movie you'll ever see. Crossroads is definitely not the worst movie either.

The story isn't spectacular and the characters are mostly all stereotypes (the smart girl pushed to hard by the parents, the girl who took a wrong turn somewhere and got pregnant, the stuck up snob, and the tall, dark, and handsome mysterious heartthrob), but the acting is decent and Britney looks amazing (there's that bias).

I advise parents to not bring their ten-year-olds to this movie. In my opinion, the movie borders on an R-rating. There is nothing too over the top, however, parents might be disenchanted with their children seeing some of the scenes.

I gave Crossroads a 7. In reality, the movie is about a 5. It doesn't really leave you with a message, or moral, or much lasting thought about the story. On the other hand, the most beautiful woman in the world is in the movie. I have a special attachment to the number 7, so there ya go. 7 it is. Don't believe the 1's, and don't believe the 10's. The movie is middle of the road, enhanced by Britney.

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Reservoir Dogs (1992)

10/10

Less depth than Pulp Fiction, but still better than most

1 February 2002

Warning: Spoilers

Those who dislike "Reservoir Dogs" complain about an over-abundance of gore. Quite frankly, RD is not that loaded with blood and guts. The infamous "ear-cutting scene" is hardly as graphic as you might think. If you are going to watch a gangster movie, expect guns and expect blood. You won't find any gangster movie where they're picking flowers and baking muffins.

Background isn't given on most of the characters, and that's the point. The anonymity of the characters (hence the code names) is important to the movie's plot. These people are mostly all strangers to each other. We know as much as they know, for the most part. Part of Tarantino's genius is his ability to give you only what you need, and nothing extra.

Furthermore, the movie makes you care about the characters. Despite all being "Bad guys," Mr. White obviously has good tendencies, while the main evil character is Mr. Blonde. Mr. Pink is the pro - he's there to do the job and nothing else. While not overly in-depth, the characters are developed enough to make the viewer empathize with them. Anybody who can't see this movie for what it truly is, should maybe watch something a little more suited to their mental capacity: The Lion King.

SPOILER - Do not continue reading if you don't want to know what happens at the end.

Mr. Pink, the only one to escape alive, is the only real professional of the group. Mr. White becomes emotionally attached. Mr. Blonde forgets the point of the job, and occupies himself with the torture of the cop. Mr. Blue and Mr. Brown never escaped the crime scene, so they are ruled out. Eddie died protecting his father, and Joe just HAD to eliminate Mr. Orange. Yet, through this all, Mr. Pink survived. He was the only one who did his job.

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The Fast and the Furious (2001)

1/10

Fast cars, poor acting, no plot... Who made this movie anyway?

27 January 2002

If you like ugly green and yellow cars that drive fast, this movie is definitely for you.

If you like movies with a plot, great acting, and a general purpose... see something else. Try Little Giants or something. The Fast and the Furious is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and not just because I have a limited interest in cars.

I really think someone decided to make a movie about cool cars. Then they realized halfway through making it that they needed a plot. What they came up with was the equivalent of a 5 year old scribbling on a napkin.

Highest recommendation to avoid. See only if you like cars and have no mental capacity for something that makes you think.

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Memento (2000)

10/10

The day after, I'm still pondering what happened! (Spoiler!)

26 May 2001

Warning: Spoilers

When I heard this movie was backwards (there's your spoiler, the movie is backwards), similar to the one Seinfeld episode, I had to see it. I'm glad I did. Anybody who enjoys a movie that makes you think will love Memento. It's the day after, and I'm still pondering what happened! It's impossible to catch everything the first time, so most people will want to see the movie at least twice to pick everything up. Awesome, awesome movie that blows Pearl Harbor out of the water (get the pun?). I gotta get me some of those tattoos!

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