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mr.slut
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Coup de chance (2023)
Terrible on all levels
Boy oh Boy, please Mr. Allen, retire!
This was the most painful experience to watch in the cinema of this year (2024) so far. Terrible acting from all three main actors, terrible sound design, unfitting music (yeah, yeah, we all know he loves Jazz, but you need to have a feeling when to use tunes like these. I like old jazz, but there are movies where Jazz simply doesn't work), very ugly cinematography and colour grading, very boring script and predictable ending. Every shot looks ugly. And really, really terrible dialogue. Not one redeeming quality in this.... The satire of the bourgeous living style fell flat on its face - simply not funny, not poignant, not clever at all. These 96 minutes felt like 3 hours.
Don't get me wrong, I am a keen fan of several of his older movies - these had wit and were genuinely funny - but this monstrocity of nothingness was likely the last film of his I'm gonny watch.
Die stillen Trabanten (2022)
Truly terrible on most accounts...
Shallow and rather uninteresting characters engage with other uninteresting, underdeveloped characters. Some of the actors employed are usually very good, Martina Gedeck, Charly Hübner, Peter Kurth, but they don't get to show their trade, due to really bad dialogue and story developments in their respective narrative. The film tries hard to evoke a sense of loneliness and depict lost characters, yet fails miserably in doing so, because the emotion is told, not felt. The camera finds some interesting scenes of the nightly Leipzig - as a mirror of the innermost feelings, but it sabotaged by the editing. The film wants to be melancholic, but hesitates to give the images the time they would need.
A truly bland film which aims high but falls short.
Retfærdighedens ryttere (2020)
Terribly unfunny, unemotional and superficial
I like dark humor, I like biting satire. But I can't laugh at jokes about child-rape, forced prostitution or white slavery.
The premise of the movie was indeed intriguing - the ambivalence of how to cope with loss and how to find solice in other persons - even if they are complete strangers driven together by fate.
Yet the emotional side of the story is painfully superficial and never goes to places of deeper impact. All the violence committed seems not really to affect anybody on a deeper level in the film.
Without going deeper into the plot (in order not to spoil any surprises), there is no remorse of the violent action taken - there is no questioning the outcome - all happens rather randomly without psychological or legal consequences.
I read comparisons to the humor of the Coen Brothers - oh my! They (half of the time) deliver quite thoughtful humor - some of it light, some dark.
This film however always stays superficial and is very very shallow - plus - most annoyingly - very reactionary in its tone.
No sir, I didn't like it!.
Maybe my expections were too high?
Greenland (2020)
Dreadfully generic script
I don't expect reality being a necessarity in bubblegum cinema, but it helps to ground both characters and action in some form of realism. This script too obsessed with driving the story without creating an emotional bond to the characters first. Everything is exposition before "the fun" starts.
As with many of these survival thrillers / disaster flicks this is a giant obstacle course for the characters. It gets from bad to worse for them, yet they always seem to succeed against all odds. For me, this was overdone here and kinda felt like a computer game.
And the end was kitch as kitch can be. Nah....
Impossible Dreams (2011)
Didn't capture the essence of the Tim Pratt story...
I know it is not really fair to compare fiction writing to fiction movies, but as I just read the beautiful and deep story, I wondered how the film makers will capture the spirit and atmosphere of the story.
They really didn't and made it quirky romance with a science fiction twist, whereas the original writing, even at only 11 pages, is so much more.
It tells about that deep feeling for the movies. It's not only "love" or "pleasure". It's almost "religous". It's about passion and curiosity - the willingness to dig deep and deeper in film history to broaden one's own horizon.
The written piece used the uchronia aspect to enhance that feeling people can have about motion picture.
The film reduced that aspect, even dumbed down the film historical context of the exposed films in the shop. (I have to admit - that Nic. Cage idea - which is not in the original written story - was indeed funny).
Instead the film focused on the romantic aspects of the boy meets girl story, which indeed is also part of the original story - but completely different.
It is the shared passion, which brings them together, something that grows over a period of a few more visits to the store. There is no immediate attraction - au contraire. That aspect was also disregarded in the film. Ayala Zilberman was much too attractive not to be conceived as "love interest" when she's first seen in the movie. Can't blame her for that, but you can blame casting.
Read the Tim Pratt story instead / or additionally - it is so so much better.
Kleine Germanen - Eine Kindheit in der rechten Szene (2019)
Interesting theme spoiled by its form
While the theme of the documentary is really interesting, the filmmakers messed it up by mixing various forms of narration and artistic forms that do not help the subject matter much. First there is a badly narrated story of a woman deeply rooted and attracted to nationalist idea who is also shown to be not too critical of setting fires to refugee homes in Germany. Obviously she teaches her children the "values" of being of the "noble" germanic race and their ongoing and "important" fight to defend the germanic culture from influences of other races or believes. She only changes her style of life when she starts to get oppressed by her violent husband, thus escapes the clutches of the right-wing small town community.
This part of the film is told in crude rotoscopic animation - with narration by an actress instead of the real person in her own words.
I can only assume the filmmakers used that artistic form of animation, because the real person was unwilling to appear on screen (which is understandable given the circumstances, but there are ways to disguise a person both visually and sonically, so she could have appeared and told her own story to much more effect - IMHO).
A second part consists of on-camera interviews with some main figures of the intellectual (and not so intellectual) new right. They were given a platform offering insight in their own upbringing and their value system that is strictly opposed to a multi-cultural society and clearly anti-muslim.
There is also one person who used to consider himself very xenophobic and far right - also due to his upbringing and thus transported believe-system - who while studying in Canada changed his views radically.
While they are delivering their ideas on why they think it's important to keep a cultural identity as germanic people, there is not much argument that counters their standpoint. The far right views trigger deeply rooted fears: The idea of a vanishing cultural identity that will be replaced by muslim believes. That strong emotional hypothesis is not really countered by facts nor the question why it is bad to be open for other cultural influences from other cultures? Obviously this is not the point of this documentary, as this is about the upbringing and education of children to be proper far right citizens in the future. But the non-discussion of these points triggered by the interviewees left me with feeling of uneasyness.
Additionally there are surplus "audio only" statements by specialists of right-wing extremism who offer their perspective of things. It stroke me odd that they only appear on the voice track and not in person. I somehow feel this was a conscious decision by the film makers, yet it left me also with a strange feeling of discomfort.
There's also hidden camera footage from neo nazi holiday camps for kids, albeit very short.
All in all the film didn't tell me anything I didn't know already. The mix of media and narrative forms didn't do the film any good - au contraire, it distracted me from the actual theme.
I guess in today's documentaries the artistic form - the surface - is much more important, than the content. Or to better rephrase that - it is felt that the content alone is not enough to make a great documentary - you need to have added elements - a lot of stock footage to illustrate EVERYTHING, a lot of superficial music, artistic / poetic narration - to make it work.
I, for one, are content with a well executed argument and information when it comes to documentaries.
Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice (1997)
One for the trampling and high heels fetish crowd only...
Most of his films tended to be a bit boring but they were innovative and weird nonetheless. Astro-Zombies, Doll Squad, Corpse Grinders and co. were entertaining z-grade cinema. A good director should know when to stop making movies. Well, Ted never claimed to be a good director, so it kinda makes sense for him to continue to release films after his heydays are over. Nowadays he uses video, but not really the good kind, where it's hard to distinguish between film or video. His newer productions look like video. They don't care. This is as well the case here, in this abomination of a movie. Don't ask me about the plot, this film does not care about that. After a few stock footage explosions and a long L-O-N-G crawling intro text to explain that this white man with the funny white beard (Ted V. Mikels himself) is a bad man. He forced his black slaves to work hard labor and please him in every way. So now they uprise against him, tie him up, put him on the floor and sit in chairs around him. They hold court, explaining, why exactly he is a bad person. After long L-O-N-G monologues they find a verdict. Before that however, the view must endure ENDLESS scenes of these black women forcing their high heels into his hairy naked chest or simple walking over him. This, I believe, might be the one and only reason, this video production was shot in the first place. For good old Mikels to fulfill his fetish fantasies of strong black women dominating him and trampling him with their high heels. So unless you're into this particular fetish, I would suggest you avoid this "film" at all costs.
And please, people, if you've seen this film, please vote. Obviously only people involved in this movie voted yet. ASTRO ZOMBIES has 2.1, this has 5.2?! Something wrong here!
Ambulancen (2005)
muddled
Two brothers rob a bank to have enough money to get their cancer-ridden mother to a private clinic in Germany, where she could possibly be saved. So it's a noble course for the crime and the subsequent chase of the ambulance the two brothers take hostage during their escape. But is it okay to endanger the life the stroke patient and the female intern for their course? - The trailer for this film suggests it to be an action comedy - where in fact the film really never decides whether it wants to be a family-drama, a witty comedy or an action flick. The idea to limit the film to the ambulance and it's four persons is interesting but ultimately it also limits the characterization of the main protagonists. You'll have to take their work for their ambitions, their life-stories and their motives. Which sometimes does not really work - at least for me. The action is marvelous - in my opinion, the filmmakers should have sticked to straight drama and/or thrilling action. The comedy did take a bit of the intended impact. (P.S.: Extremely nice bleeding effects - VERY convincing. Nope, it does not really matter in the context of the film - but struck me heavy when I watched the DVD. Oh yeah - there is a DVD with English subtitles available in Danmark - see laserdisken.dk for example.)
Omnibus: Whistle and I'll Come to You (1968)
grunt!
-Spoilers ahead- Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I was not in the
mood. Maybe it was too warm today. I was bored to pieces by this
even at 42 minutes way too long "short subject". After the movie
was finished I read the liner notes on the cover and checked twice
if I really got the same film. Hummm. The plot was the same, but
there was absolutely no tension to speak of. Probably nice if you
know the original short story on which the film was based upon,
but as a cinematic experience it's overly blunt. The motives of
sexually repressed behaviour resulting in dementia where not at
all presented here. Nor is a blanket on strings something to be
frightened of for a second. Gimme CARNIVAL OF SOULS any day...
Monster Man (2003)
boring piece of crap
Heard some good remarks about this film as being very gory and frightning, but it's neither. Obviously the screenwriter wanted to do a scary horror film but at the same time inject some teenage comedy for the young target audience. Scares and comedy seldomly result in good films, the same goes for MONSTER MAN.
Not really funny, nor scary or overly enjoyable on ANY other level.
Aproaching 39 years of age I've seen my share of horror movies. I have seen good ones and terrible ones, but the crop of films released these days are so frighteningly mediocre it bores me to watch 'em. The acceptance these days for bad films like this is what really annoys me. Let's face it, they produced a lot of crap in the 70's, 80's and 90's but they were regarded as such then as well. Today they're regarded as "good entertainment". - Bollocks!
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Amazingly boring piece of crap
Oh my! Tarantino really lost it this time. RESERVOIR DOGS was his only really good film in my book, PULP FICTION and JACKIE BROWN were enjoyable but rather derivative. Let's face it! If you know your b-movie history there is hardly anything original or challenging in an Tarantino movie. KILL BILL is even more annoying, as it is really boring and tame compared with the movies it rips of. Give me the original 70s Sonny Chiba films, anything by Chang Cheh or Lui Chia-Liang any day. Hell, even the Flying Guillotine. The SAMURAI FICTION sequence replacing the red background with simply a blue one was the most annoying one for me. I never believes Uma Thurman to be capable of the things she does in the movie. I won't bore you with all the plot holes this movie has. Unbelievably sloppy in any way. And the music (f*cking panflute music of Zamphir, get me the hell out of here!). This, my friends, is no labor of love, this is not even a good puzzle of hommages to other (more capable) filmmakers. And it's boring too, I nearly fell asleep. I can hardly wait to see something original again. I, for one, will not bother watching Vol.2 of this piece of rubbish. Avoid!
Cinema16: British Short Films (2003)
Interesting stuff
A compilation of sixteen short films from British filmmakers: Includes: About A Girl - Brian Percival, Boy And Bicycle - Ridley Scott, Dear Phone - Peter Greenaway, Doodlebug - Christopher Nolan, Eight - Stephen Daldry, Gasman - Lynne Ramsay, Girl Chewing Gum - John Smith, Home - Morag McKinnon, Joyride - Jim Gillespie, Inside Out - Tom and Charles Guard, Je T'aime John Wayne - Toby McDonald, The Sheep Thief - Asif Kapadia, The Short And Curlies - Mike Leigh, Telling Lies - Simon Ellis, UK Images - Martin Parrand, and Who's My Favourite Girl? - Adrian McDowall.
Die Marquise von Sade (1976)
like porn in slow motion on dope
In my humble opinion this is one of the best Jess Franco films ever. Lina Romay is hot as hell, mostly spending her time masturbating away. The film has an eerie hallucinatory feeling to it, like watching porn in slow motion while on dope. Beware: There are two versions on the market, one is softcore and not that good, one is full hardcore and that's the one I'm refering to. Erwin C.Dietrich told me he was given this film as a gift from Jess Franco in gratitude but never really done anything with it. Finally, due to the DVD revolution it's finally out on silver disc, And it's looking absolutely stunning! Check it out!
Helga und die Männer - Die sexuelle Revolution (1969)
entertaining dated sex education made in Germany
This film was part of the legendary german sex education series that started in 1967 with HELGA (available on VHS from Something Weird Video in a dubbed form, funnily enough it never came out on video in it's home country Germany, whereas the sequels HELGA AND MICHAEL and HELGA UND DIE MÄNNER did indeed got a release in the early days of home video). It features Ruth Gassmann as Helga who was very sexy in a natural kind of way. You'll get some nice animated scenes that show how the sexual act works, but of course Helga and Michael get down to it as well, both with each other and other partners, before getting together again. This series was partially funded by the government, so it was actually meant to educate about sexuality. The result is partially campy, but still pretty seriously handled stuff. Nice dated sex education made in Germany.
Ich - Ein Groupie (1970)
Probably THE BEST exploitation movie from Switzerland
This movie has it all: Groupies, psych-rock, drug use, drug smuggling, gratious nudity, camp value, bikers, satanic mess, gore, drug overdose, hippies. Very very entertaining film that was published in various forms. My review/opinion is based on the German video release under the title DAS MÄDCHEN MIT DEM EINWEGTICKET. I saw it in the cinema as well under that title and the cinema print did feature some additional scenes (like main actress Ingrid Steeger walking around London at the opening scenes for example). Now Erwin C.Dietrich has prepared a DVD in the original version ICH EIN GROUPIE. I'm anxious to see this version in comparison to the MÄDCHEN MIT DEM EINWEGTICKET version. - As far as I know, this film did not get a video release elsewhere in the world, which is a shame, as this film beats most US exploitation films by far. Very very entertaining!
Yang chi (1974)
Great combo of kung fu, breasts and schlocky entertainment
This movie rocks. Very attractive 70's chicks fight it out against evil chinese guys. This movie is highly entertaining and makes little sense. I simply loved it. The german director was also responsible for most parts of the infamous german sexploitation series SCHULMAEDCHEN REPORT, aka SCHOOL GIRL REPORTS in the early till late 70's.