Reviews

Hollywood is running out of ideas.

Don't believe me? Check out this horror sequel to a horror film that wasn't even very good the first time around! With all of it's alleged creepyness, "Urban Legends 2" really barely brushes over the concept of the first movie and still manages to suck twice as bad as the first one. (Or so I'm told. I didn't see the first one, because I didn't have to watch bad movies back then.)

With all of it's characters completely interchangable, I'm not going to give you a synopsis of the plot. Quite honestly, about a hour went by and the only character's name I knew was Travis' because he has an important role to play. Or, rather, his character is important to the immense plot hole that sits in the middle of the film. Basically, all you need to know is some people are making a movie based on a psycho killer who's murders mimic various urban legends. As opposed to the first movie's plot which was about a psycho killer who's murders mimic various urban legends.

Other problems moviegoers have to contend with while they are trying to get their scare on include scenes that have nothing to do with the story, only one or two actual urban legends, and buckets and buckets of the traditional guts and gore that has plauged Hollywood's horror reels in the last half-decade.

"Scream" is more witty, "I Know What You Did Last Summer" had more notible actors (notice I didn't say more talented actors), "Final Destination" had real thrills. All of which leave this quarter-assed sequel to a half-assed original in the dust.

If someone put a gun up to my head and told me I had to enjoy something in this nonsense, I'd go with Anthony Anderson (Me, Myself & Irene) and Michael Bacall's incessent banter and a scene in which a real gun is strewn on the ground with twenty or so prop guns as somewhat amusing. But it's only barely enough to salvage this trash from complete failure.

Urban Legends 2 Grade: D-

Cameron Crowe. Unfamilar with the name? He showed a film studio 'the money' when he brought filmgoers the award winning "Jerry Maguire" a few years back. Now, he's finished directing a rather biopic film called "Almost Famous" and it is making many critics including this one very happy it heralds a hopefully better season ahead in the box office.

Patrick Fugit is obviously my fave in this film jam packed with delicious 70's style performances by Billy Crudup, Frances McDormand, Kate Hudson, Jason Lee, and Anna Paquin. Fugit plays a young music critic who eventually lands a piece with "Rolling Stone" magazine. He, at 15, goes on tour with a band called Stillwater and discovers exactly what is up with this "poetry for the drugged and sexually promiscuous" despite his mother's best attempts to keep him sheltered. Also particularly good is Philip Seymor Hoffman as Lester Bangs who periodically gives Fugit's character advice.

A bit "Detriot Rock City" and a little "This is Spinal Tap", "Almost Famous" has only one flaw in my eyes: While we all can *see* Fugit and Hudson are young, the picture seems to prostitute this fact to us more often than necessary. Instead of repeating this fact, there could be a further development of their characters beyond the single demention. The band's performers get three dementions, why not the young stars? Still, I don't think this minor point is strong enough to deduct.

Locations are vivid, songs are enthralling, and there are probably enough sound bytes in "Almost Famous" to outshadow "Maguire's" 'Show me the money' and 'You had me at hello.' In any event, I'll be going back to the theatre to relive this coming of age tale a second time and that's rare for a movie critic.

Almost Famous Grade A+

Some things that I really liked about "The Way of the Gun" are off camera shoot outs, unexpected reactions from characters specifically involving a pregant woman and the overall way the film presented the story with a kind of 'whatever' flair.

Unfortunately, "The Way of the Gun" was NOT directed by Quintin Tarantino and does NOT star Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Uma Thurman, and Samuel L. Jackson. Instead we get prettyboy turned bad Ryan Phillipe (uh.. lesse.. "54" and "Cruel Intentions") and a Antonio Banderes look-a-like act-a-like in Benicio Del Toro. It's no wonder that Taye Diggs playing a cop he's too young to play and Juliette Lewis playing a very pregant woman are my favorite preformers.

In the end, and as expected a rather violent end, the movie does escape so many of the problems associated with the rebellious action genre and proves to be more entertaining than memorable. But that's okay.

The Way of the Gun Grade B-

Directed by a guy who's won awards for music videos, "The Cell" does for the big screen what music videos do for the little: Pushes the visuals to the extreme man! Hell, Jennifer Lopez, who stars as a child pyschologist, is even asked to carry the film's sane side and she's been in several wicked music videos. Nothing had prepared her for this though.

And I'm not really talking so much about the darkness that comprises the entire been there, done that enter-the-mind-of-a-serial-killer plot. I'm talking about the world of acting where one may need to reach inside oneself and not worry so much about how they look when they give their performance.

Since I did mention the dark as sin plot, I guess I should go ahead and admit to walking out of a scene where viewers get to participate in the violent fantasy visuals that comprise the reasoning behind why the pyscho killer is indeed a pyshco. What can I say? I can't stand to watch boys being so brutally harmed, be it real or fake. Others will object to the pyscho's sexual fixation on making his victims doll-like. It becomes obvious very quickly that the film doesn't know how to keep viewers thrilled, intrigued, and visually stimulated without disturbing a majority of moviegoers at the same time.

While a movie can survive without being for everybody, it cannot survive if it has basic problems with it. Over characterization of the one person you can't stand to hear another thing about, selling out reality by having most of the movie occur in a place where anything goes because it's not real, the odd attempt to victimize the antagonist even to the point of romanticising him, and finally diluting the idea on who the real victim is. Is it the girl who's trapped in his torture device, I don't know anything about her. Is it Jennifer Lopez trapped inside the mad man's head, I don't know anything about her, really. Is it the cop? The co-workers?

It's us.

There are so many problems with "Nutty Professor 2" that it pains me to even regurgitate them back to you. Everything from a swiss cheese plot (again with the scientific formula and Buddy Love) and wasted characters (Janet Jackson) to pushing the bounds of good taste (How would you like your 37 fart jokes?) is packed into this comedy-drama that's neither funny enough to be a comedy and not touching enough to be a drama.

Eddie Murphy got jipped when he was only paid once for this film as he DOES deserve credit for playing every other role but his fiancee (Janet Jackson) and young Jason Klump (John Ales). Maybe he should have gotten the cash given the five screenwriters it took to come up with this c**p. Five screenwriters and the best they could come up with was a seriously late "Armageddon" spoof, an oversized Dean raping hampster, and a repackaging of "Nutty Professor 1" but with more sex, more sex, and even more sex. I think the film is inappropriate for the very immaturity it panders to and children under 13 shouldn't be allowed to watch it at all.

Basically Universal Studios wasn't interested in making a good movie. It was interested in was money. But that doesn't surprise me. After all, this IS a sequel.

Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps Grade: F+

Alright spoof fans, it's rare for Hollywood to shoot something directly up your alley. Rareer still is a quality product, and the Wayans Brothers' "Scary Movie" doesn't fail for the most part.

Unfortunately this is one of those films where movie critics cannot tell you much about the flick you want to see. (And if they do, they should be dragged out into the street and shot.) So much of this movie should be kept in secrecy because part of the fun of watching a spoof is to be surprised in which films are lampooned.

An obvious target for "Scary Movie" and the film which most of the nonsense plot is the "Scream Trilogy." Irony has it that the original name for "Scream" was to be "Scary Movie" but I seriously doubt it would have been anything like this.

Starring Shannon Elizabeth, Carmen Electra, a pair of Wayans brothers (Marlon and Shawn to be exact) and a whole lot of crassness, "Scary Movie" is most definitely the one your parents wouldn't want you seeing. Featuring no less than three true-to-life phallic insterments, the Wayans seem to be giving the Farraleys the finger. (Or perhaps saluting them with one, I dunno.)

All in all the film comes together thanks to alot of "Scream" and even more absurd pranks from other modern horror films. A number of jokes fall flat, get tiresome, or are just too bad to be funny. Most of them land one right after the other.

See "Scary Movie" if you are into this sort of thing, pass it up if you aren't.

Scary Movie Grade B+

This import from Spain shares with viewers some of the effects Civil War has on a small town. More specifically the film "Butterfly" is about a young boy played by Manuel Lozano. Now, stop right there. I wanna voice my opinion on foreign film and child actors. Is there some sort of written law that dictates they have to better than their American counterparts? Besides "The Patriot," child actors (13 and under) tend to be well below average.

Anyway, Manuel at first doesn't wanna go to school, but later learns that the teacher doesn't only NOT hit his pupils but can actually become a great mentor and friend in a time of revolution.

The title comes from a lesson the teacher, played by Ferdenando Fernan Gomez, teaches young Manuel in the feilds. He speaks of the butterfly and its long rolled up tongue which it needs to taste the nectar from the depths of the flowers. Other lessons follow, one in particular about not being so shy around females. If you know what I mean...

Eventually the Civil War heats up and those who are for a Free Spain are gathered in the night and paraded through the town. Even though Manuel's father proclaimed viva the Republic he is quietened by his strong wife. Others, however, are not and are led away from the town, presumably to be executed.

"Butterfly" has pure characters, vivid locations, and a torrid sex scene. *blinks* How did that get in there? It also lacks forward direction at times, loses focus on the bond between Manuel and Gomez, and suddenly just stops. Still, it is far and above what I expected and therefore gets a splinded grade.

Butterfly Grade: B+

Being my absolute favorite movie, I could watch "You Are Not Alone" if it were set on repeat. Few movies, and most certainly none of them American, set out to thrash the rules of moviemaking. Bo and Kim are beautiful young lovers and the film taints their love with equally beautiful moments shared on screen. The other boys both support the main story of Bo and Kim as well as expand into their own stories which also include the headmaster of the school all of them attend.