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Reviews
Jason X (2001)
Deep Space Slasher
Really entertaining stuff they've come up with this time. JASON X is not scary at all, but it is both funny and action- packed. A great mix of futuristic weaponry, silly teenagers, badass Marines, cool spaceship surroundings, constant wisecracking, lots of irony, and the massive machete- swingin' Eighties Horror Icon. Some of the CGI- effects are irritating, but it's still way better than the previous JASON GOES TO HELL. What do you get when you mix JAMES CAMERON'S ALIENS and MATT GROENING'S FUTURAMA? The answer is JASON X. You'll get your load of unrealistic cryogenics, robots, stupidity and deep- space soldiers being slaughtered. A film that wasn't meant to be taken seriously.
Red Desert Nights: Making 'Ghosts of Mars' (2001)
Laidback Carpenter directing freaks
This short documentary takes you to the set of 'John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars' on location in the Mexican desert. A lot of stunt- guys prepare for being blown up, beat up, set on fire and hit by trucks. The make up artists put on ghastly make up, and the main actors, Cube, Duvall and Henstridge, are seen practicing their kung fu skills. All this taking place while a seemingly laidback and cigarette-smoking John Carpenter looks like he's having a lot of fun. The actual film 'Ghosts of Mars' could and should have been better/scarier. Look out for Carpenter- regular Peter Jason's death scene. Carpenter is a great guy, and although this documentary takes you behind the scenes of one his least fascinating projects, somehow the good, old Carpenter- feeling is still there.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Hawaiian World War Armageddon
Being a fan of Bay and Bruckheimer's The Rock and Armageddon this movie makes me sad. It is so full of pompous characters, pompous lines, bleeched teeth and music designed to stir certain emotions, it just comes to a point were it ain't funny. Considering what this mess actually cost Disney absolutely nothing is impressing.
The only way they could make it worse would be to cast Ryan Phillipe and Chris O'Donnell in the parts of Affleck and Hartnett.
Had this happened, viewing would've caused deaths.
Point of Terror (1971)
Sleazy, greasy Seventies aesthetics
Tony Trelos is a slick crooner at a nightclub called the Lobster House. Screaming and waking up from a nightmare (of his own terrible, terrible nightclub act) on a secluded beach he meets evil- looking and decadent Andrea (Dyanne Thorne) who's wearing a tasteless bikini. They get involved, as she's the wife of the crippled and bitter head of National Records. After one night of love- making in the pool she kills her defenceless wheel chaired husband. When the beautiful Helayne (daughter of the crippled homicide- victim) arrives, Tony falls in love with her, and he's torn between the two women. Things get outta hand and Tony throws a foul- mouthed Andrea off a cliff when she puts pressure on him for witnessing the murder and refusing his upcoming record contract. Things get even worse when Tony is suddenly shot dead by his waitress ex- girlfriend Sally, who's pregnant with his child. And then the magic starts... Tony screams and wakes up at the beach (it was all a bad dream), Andrea comes up to him, and highlights from the movie follows, only to be topped by Tony waking up and screaming once more!!! THE END. Very original.
This is not a good film. The Lobster House is decorated with tinfoil, Tony Trelos looks like a disturbing mixture of Tony Curtis and musician Herb Albert, and a lot of screen time is used showing him with his shirt off. Note that Carpenter who plays this ambitious Vegas sleazebag is also writer and producer. Scenes of Helayne and Tony horseback- riding is pure (and poor) excess, and Tony's crazy/ridiculous songs are downright awful. Pointless scenes of flashbacks to Tony's unhappy and clichéd childhood are seemingly endless. The ending with it all being a bad dream, and then a bad dream within a bad dream is not clever, just stupid. Some sequences appear experimental. I guess this isn't intentional, but proves a laughable lack of basic filmmaking skills. A clumsy and boring movie. Avoid. Avoid.
Point of Terror (1971)
Sleazy, greasy Seventies aesthetics
Tony Trelos is a slick crooner at a nightclub called the Lobster House. Screaming and waking up from a nightmare (of his own terrible, terrible nightclub act) on a secluded beach he meets evil- looking and decadent Andrea (Dyanne Thorne) who's wearing a tasteless bikini. They get involved, as she's the wife of the crippled and bitter head of National Records. After one night of love- making in the pool she kills her defenceless wheel chaired husband. When the beautiful Helayne (daughter of the crippled homicide- victim) arrives, Tony falls in love with her, and he's torn between the two women. Things get outta hand and Tony throws a foul- mouthed Andrea off a cliff when she puts pressure on him for witnessing the murder and refusing his upcoming record contract. Things get even worse when Tony is suddenly shot dead by his waitress ex- girlfriend Sally, who's pregnant with his child. And then the magic starts... Tony screams and wakes up at the beach (it was all a bad dream), Andrea comes up to him, and highlights from the movie follows, only to be topped by Tony waking up and screaming once more!!! THE END. Very original.
This is not a good film. The Lobster House is decorated with tinfoil, Tony Trelos looks like a disturbing mixture of Tony Curtis and musician Herb Albert, and a lot of screen time is used showing him with his shirt off. Note that Carpenter who plays this ambitious Vegas sleazebag is also writer and producer. Scenes of Helayne and Tony horseback- riding is pure (and poor) excess, and Tony's crazy/ridiculous songs are downright awful. Pointless scenes of flashbacks to Tony's unhappy and clichéd childhood are seemingly endless. The ending with it all being a bad dream, and then a bad dream within a bad dream is not clever, just stupid. Some sequences appear experimental. I guess this isn't intentional, but proves a laughable lack of basic filmmaking skills. A clumsy and boring movie. Avoid. Avoid.
The Swarm (1978)
Deadly bees and stupid people
Once in a while its a lot of fun watching movies were all the characters are acting irrationally. In one of Allen's last disaster epics there are dozens of silly doctors and even dumber army men, moronic kids and old people in love. The African swarm of killer bees is absolutely unstoppable and destroys a missile- base, a nuclear plant, a family picnic, a model train, small town Marysville and the city of Houston. With a little help of braindead G.I's equipped with flamethrowers.
Michael Caine and Henry Fonda are supposed to be the clever ones, but it is not so. And because of the idiot Dr Crane (Caine) most of Texas is uninhabitable for years to come, and the town of Marysville exists no more. The bees' mating-call-signal he overlooked, but the stung, poisoned kid's hallucination seemed obvious.
Dr Brad Crane - most incompetent and snotty bee expert ever to appear in a disastermovie. Unfortunately we met him (Caine) as the incompetent looter/ pirate in crap-flick "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" the following year.
Gojira tai Hedora (1971)
Craziest movie ever!
Something spooky is happening on the Japanese coast; pollution is killing the fish in the ocean, but it also gives life to a monstrous mutated fish-monster. A professor and his genius kid watch it's destructions on TV, and the kid remarks: "- Oh, that was a tadpole-monster." Japan and the entire world is soon threatened by the unearthly Creature, who's named Hedorah by the Professors kid.
At the same time a funky teenage assistant of the professor gets drunk at an absurdly psychadellic disco and has visions of all the party-people being mutated fish. Hedorah inhales polluted smoke from factory- chimneys and seem to get high, the kid is psychic and has visions of Godzilla coming to save the world, and the Professor is attacked by the Hedorah underwater and his face gets malformed. Godzilla and the "Smog Monster" (as it is sometimes referred to as) start fighting only 25 minutes into the movie. The Hedorah mutates from ocean- dweller, to reptile to flying creature, and experts conclude that "He" is probably from a distant Nebula in outer space. Scenes of havoc and the Professor's family is intercut with cartoon- style sequences with strong enviromental messages.
One scene has the Hedorah flying over a group of people working out, and they turn blue-faced and ultimately into gushy skeletons. A man at a construction site screams out (extremely) loud, and then falls to his death. Hedorah has the ability to corrode metal, and people on TV quarrel intensely on the fate of the planet. The Professors assistant knows the end is near, and has a hippie-styled party on top of a mountain; "- Let's have fun as we die!!" The party is interrupted by the space/pollution freak, and most of the kids are melted by its poisonous vomit/droppings when they try to set it on fire.
The Professor's kid has found the solution to defeat the grotesque beast: "- Dry it - it's only sludge!", and with the aid of the friendly Godzilla it finally works. Some scenes, as well as the sounds the Hedorah makes are beyond description; like the scene were it's covering Godzilla with its tons of toxic puke, and at the same time "laughing" diabolically. There are weird crosscutting throughout, the kid yells "Papa" alot and the groovy rock score helps to its remarkably insane mood. The PG- rating should be reconsidered. This one is too dark and demented in so many ways, I don't think a ten year- old should watch it. It's mad nightmarish, art-cinematic style could cause damage.
A TV- reporter calls the Hedorah "a freak organizm" - much like this movie itself.
Dreamscape (1984)
Beware the sight of the Snakeman!
This is an extremely entertaining eighties movie. Right up there with another "nightmarish-possible-end-of-the-world"-like flick such as Cronenbergs "The Dead Zone". The actors are great, the story is imaginative and sort of mystery-driven, and the special effects look so good. (As opposed to the CGI- crap they would insert had this movie been made in 2001.) The post- apocalyptic city and the stop motion Snakeman are possibly the most memorable parts of the film.