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mortis5555
Reviews
The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)
It's not as awful as the rumors
This movie is not anywhere near as bad as people have been saying. That is not to imply it's a great film or even very good, but this is not worse than, say, Catwoman (2004) for example. The acting is a bit poor and most of the jokes aren't laugh out loud, when they're even there to begin with; but I never had that sense of the movie being actually painful to watch, which is to me the real mark of an awful film that deserves to be trashed at the level this has been.
The biggest flaw of course is that the "Nottie", even with all the makeup they put on her, doesn't look much worse than Paris Hilton; and definitely not gaspingly ugly as she's meant to be. She looks less like a truly ugly person than like someone suffering from drug addiction. Most people see this type on the street all the time and don't think much of it.
The script is basic and predictable, but not godawful. It seems like the kind of thing that might have been a basic-cable made-for-TV type film had not Hilton gotten her hands on it.
Naked Fear (2007)
The stupid! It burns!
I'm giving this film a three, since I have seen "A Night to Dismember" and know how bad a film can really get. This one at least has custom score and actors who talk when their mouths move. Beyond that, this is all kinds of godawful. Apparently realizing that the first 45 minutes of the film are unbelievably boring, someone decided to try to compensate for it with excessive female nudity in the latter 45 minutes. In fact, I've heard that this film was partially funded by the State of New Mexico, and that they were very upset to see the final product because they considered it to be a porno.
The story is like a string of poorly executed stereotypes. An innocent young girl is tricked into becoming a stripper, and forced to remain in the job via methods that are obviously illegal -- no particular reason is given for why she doesn't go to the police. Meanwhile, lots of strippers and prostitutes have been mysteriously disappearing. Surprise, she ends up being taken by the same killer, who seems to like to hunt naked women out in the brush by Rio Rancho. We get to watch her variously run and stand idly around in the nude, until they presumably couldn't convince the actress to tolerate anymore of this so SHE DIGS FOR A SHIRT. Yessiree, it's common knowledge that if you just dig enough random holes you'll eventually turn up an entire wardrobe! She then gets to run around in a shirt that's been slit up the sides so that you still frequently catch views of her crotch and buttocks. Meanwhile, a police officer in town seems to have a lead as to the killer's identity, but he is discouraged from pursuing it because it would be scandalous to damage the reputation of a guy who manages a café, or something. Yes, it sounds just as stupid on the screen.
While I don't think this could reasonably have ever been a great film, I could even see how to improve the story as I watched it. For example, were this Diana character a prostitute from the start, it would not only explain why she doesn't complain to the police about her obviously illegal treatment at the strip club, but also would make her transformation at the end at lot more profound. (I won't give a spoiler -- if you're like me you'll have guessed the ending 10 minutes prior based on the question "How would a third rate Lifetime Original Movie end?") In fact, I have a suspicion this was originally written to be something in the style of a made for TV LMN film, but when it was decided to produce the film independently it was decided to capitalize on all potential for nude scenes, in order to appeal to a broader audience (id est, one that does not consist exclusively of alcoholic housewives.) The film also claims at the start to have been based on a true story. No one has yet been able to identify which story that is, indicating the film either was going the Blair Witch route in trying to lend itself credibility, or else was conceived after hearing something about some man who tried to kill some naked girl somewhere.
Congrats to my friend Matt Sanford, though! Your two-minutes of screen time were the most enjoyable part of the movie.
Camille (1921)
Best Silent Drama I've ever seen!
I recently got to see Camille at the College of Santa Fe. This ranks up with my favorite silent films, along with The Saphead and A Trip to the Moon. Camille has more or less the same plot as the modern film Moulin Rouge, but I found this to be a much better film. I actually cried at the end of this one--always the mark of a good love story. Also the sets and costumes are wonderful, you can tell Natasha Rambova was heavily influenced by Erte. Nozimova (Marguerite) carries the film, but for the Valentino fans, sorry, we're talking maybe 30-40 minutes of screen time, tops.
Demon Seed (1977)
Stupid
I rented this film because I was up for watching a bad horror movie. But this wasn't even laughably bad--it was must have had one thing right about it, because if theres a film and everything about it is bad, it's funny, but if there's one good thing about it it tends to ruin the humor and you just say "This is stupid." The woman in the story really annoyed me, there were so many ways she could have gotten herself out of the situation. If it's on TV and there's absolutely nothing else on I might watch it but otherwise I do not recommend it.
The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
Pretty good
Fast forward through the horrid opening scene with Mary Shelley. That scene alone deducted 2 points from my rating of the film. It has nothing to do with the story anyway. After that, it's a pretty good movie, especially for one from the 1930s. I remember reading the book Frankenstein, Victor decided against making a mate for his creation because he was afraid she might not like him, and that it would make the monster even more angry. I liked that they went with that.
Gone with the Wind (1939)
What's the big deal?
After seeing this movie I could not figure out why everyone always talks about how great it is? Later, I read the book, and found it a lot better, and it also cleared up a few things. Because it was made in the dawn of time it had to be sanitized--they can't even say the word "miscarriage". Scarlet seems to whine a lot more than in the book as well. And she doesn't look anywhere near 16. And the ending is stupid. Read the book. OK.