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Reviews
Earth Minus Zero (1996)
Not the worst kind of bad, just mostly bad, sometimes quizzically bad.
I was half asleep, on a warm lazy sunny Sunday June afternoon when thing thing caught my eye. I couldn't figure out where I'd scene the woman acting like, I guess, some kind of a reporter. She looked familiar. I waited for the credits. How long could this movie be? I checked the channel info. Ugh. A hour and half, just about.
It's intriguingly incompetent. The plot, such as it is, is about an alien (who, according to my 3 year old looked more like a robot) who comes to earth to collect specimens for a zoo. I will give you the whole movie but watch out SPOILER WARNING:
*SPOILER WARNING* Most of the action takes place in one family's Liviing Room, specifically, inexplicably, inside of their TV, or in the case of Pat Morita and Sam Jones, I guess *under* the TV (it's very difficult to tell). Then a horribly, hideously bad special effect happens and the picture is all wavy and suddenly a snowstorm happens somewhere else (another movie as far as we can tell) and then a dinosaur eats a wavy worm and then I guess the credits came on. *END SPOILER*
The woman was Rhonda Shear, of USA Network's 90's show "Up All Night" (sorta) fame. You can look her up, right her on IMDb.com.
You could probably get a similar movie by giving a 3 year old a camcorder, and shouting directions at Trees and Mice.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Finally!
Wow I really liked this movie. A highly entertaining return to a pretty decent story and good characters. Episodes I & II are rendered totally useless (as if they weren't already) by this installment. After you see this, you'll be left a little sad because of that fact. There was absolutely Zero learned from those movies, and absolutely Zero added to the mystique of the series. Really a shame, those two.
But III, ah yes, III - this is the third best of the whole series, behind "Empire" and "Star Wars." Less talk, more action, more magic, more tragic. And Lucas quit having everybody blab on and on so much. The setup for Episode IV is seamlessly woven into the plot. Much is explained as we *see* events unfold. Contrast this with I & II, where they'd explain every damn thing instead of *doing* anything. Here in III the right cool stuff happens. Again, contrast with II: Obi-Wan and that water planet bit was particularly annoying. Here's this great set, fantastic aliens and we get ... a fight with Jango Fett??.
The guy playing Palpatine did a great job and that's not easy in these movies. Same for Natalie Portman. It's not easy saying these lines and these two weather the storm very well. That said, the dialog here is Far, Far Better than I & II.
Now that George has done all that diddling with the original trilogy, I suggest he goes back to the computer, erases I & II, and renumbers again - and release the series as a Quadrology instead.
For Hope (1996)
One of the Worst Movies Ever Made
This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Somehow, in this veiled [auto?]-biographical mess, Sagat actually makes HIMSELF the center of attention! I will summarize the movie: ...
* Mother: "Yes, you're dying. We argued when you were young but now I love you." * Father: "Yes, you're dying. And yes, you argued when you were young but it wasn't that bad." * Daughter: "And now I'm dying!"
Repeat several (apparently) hundred times and you get the idea.
This is a train wreck of a movie, and I use the word "movie" lightly. I was drawn to this in that manner - a wreck on the highway that apparently no one else but me sees ... why is it still there? Won't anyone clean it up? Help?
Planet of the Apes (1968)
One of the Greats
I recently re-watched this, after many, many years. And also after the remake, which I did like for completely different reasons. The remake is clearly not as "good" as the original, but Burton did say it was a "re-imagining". All of this is a disclaimer that I am not one of those Puritanical Types who believes the Original Must Never Be Touched.
I do like this movie, though. It's probably among the smartest Sci-Fi filmes _ever_ made. 2001 is probably ahead of it, but this film is far more accessible than that one.
Well worth a revisit. There is nothing dated about the movie. Even the effects makeup holds up rather well.
A very good movie for the whole family, too.
Auto Focus (2002)
Bad movie from Good People
Nobody in the film can decide whether they want the film to be a black comedy, a docudrama, a morality play or what. The director and the key actors seem to be doing all 3 at once -- unfortunately, none of them at the same time.
But it's an intriguing mess to watch. Kinnear is really pretty good. DeFoe is always good, he's a given. But the story drags and generates no feeling for *anybody*, not even the spurned first wife.
Eh. Left me cold. Appreciate the acting, but the script was weak and the story uncompelling because nobody in it was compelling.
Surprising, because this seems the sort of thing the Shrader should do so well. Writing I mean. He's not much of a director, though I'll give him points for trying, I guess.
Beautiful Girls (1996)
RIGHT(tm).
How long did it take you to Grow Up, and how did you know when you got there?
I find that as I get older, the less I appreciate films "aimed" at younger audiences. I'm 35 now; for me, most "teen" comedies are insufferable, and those that are about twenty-somethings are gradually sliding into that category as well. I begin to wonder: Is it me? Do I just Not Get It? Is it Just My Age?
Then, happily, along comes a movie like Beautiful Girls, which reminds me that when movies are good, it doesn't matter how old you -- or the characters -- are.
We come to know the characters, we come to care about what is happening, and we even forgive them some of their shortcomings. They seem like people we might know. It's not easy to do that in a movie. Hats off to Ted Demme, who sets just the right pace, and lets the story unfold as a sequence of humanly unpredictable events.
The dialog is natural and easy. There are several scenes of enjoyable, realistic dialog that don't particularly forward the plot in any direction -- these scenes (like Timothy Hutton's scene with Uma Thurmann in the Ice Fishing shack) lend depth to the characters by letting them say what a person might actually say. And thus the story seems natural and unforced.
The film takes place over the course of, oh, I'd say about 2-3 weeks. How much growing up have you done over the last 2 -3 weeks?
Pink Flamingos (1972)
RIGHT(tm).
The Divine and Doggie bit at the end is a bit much for me; I have to turn away. But a lot of it's pretty hysterical -- and it obviously works since folks are complaining why anyone would make a movie like this.
The answer, of course, is: to annoy folks who would complain why anyone would make a movie like this.
Don't be fooled by those who would have you believe that there's some deep meaning in, or mark of genius on, this film. There isn't. There is, though, a kind of bizarre, kinetic and desperate energy to this nonsensical enterprise.
I didn't hate it. There, that's my review: I didn't hate it.
I tend to agree with Ebert in this regard: this film is an object. It simply "is," and no amount of explaining will settle your nerves after you've seen it, nor convince you to see it in the first place.