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Akuma-5
Reviews
The Crow: City of Angels (1996)
The evidence is right in front of you....
I could go on a more-than-1000-word rant on the underrated good elemtsn of this movie versus the horrible ones....what misfired, and what should've been brought to light...and I was about to a few minutes ago. However, it was in the middle of this rant that i decided to check out the alternate versions section of this movie's info....And apparently, we've all seen a raped movie.
The scenes detailed there are PRECISELY what this movie required to make it work the way it should have. Of particular interest is the alternate ending, in which Ashe eventually chooses to stay on earth with Sarah than return to the afterlife, and is apparently punished forhis sentiments with eternity on earth. Even though I am one of the few who believes the ending is actually one of the film's strong points(except for the barrage of crows thing...unexplained in the film, but, according to the alternate versions section, has an explanation), this ending is a much more suitable one to The Crow's universe....so, the question raised is "Why?"
A biggert question raised is "Where can I see this?"
I'd continue, but i dont think any more should be said until someone sees this print in motion.
Blade II (2002)
To this movie's haters, I say this: To quote Blade himself, you obviously do not know what you're f***in' with.
Those who wound up not liking this movie all seem to have the same complaint....it wasn't as serious as the first....what these people don't get is that THAT'S THE POINT.....
Having purchased the DVD last week, and heard my theory proved correct straight from Guillermo Del Toro's mouth, i can say this with complete confidence....the first one was meant to be the establisher....the basis for which any and all sequels (and oh yes, a Blade III is coming...it's in David Goyer's contract) will work from. Hence, the more serious tone. Del Toro's take on Blade was meant to be more of an episodic anime/comic book feel. His main concern was to have fun, to make a movie in the Blade universe that would rock in every sense of the term, and not betray the universe set up in the first film...while I, like others, am disappointed that the character of Karen from the first film didnt make the transfer over to the sequel, about 10 minutes in, you forget she exists.
What we got in exchange is a new breed of vampire that's just about THE scariest cinematic creature creation since H. R. Giger's Alien....action scenes that rival some of Hong Kong's best, which is something a scant few American films can claim.....and a load of atmosphere and style that only a mind as in tune with what makes horror horror as Guillermo Del Toro's could've envisioned properly.
Looking for story? A continuation of the themes of humanity and breaking social hierarchy from the first movie? Lotsa luck. This story was meant to stand on its own two feet, and like the anime and comics this style of storytelling is based on, not every episode/issue has to advance the tale 3 steps. Expect that of X2 in May, not this flick.
The other big issue is with the CGI....are the CGI effects obvious? Yeah...although there are a couple of places where you think they used CG, and it's really a makeup/prosthetic....does it matter? To me? No. I honestly don't know where this idea comes from that ANY CGI is bad, and any effect can be done better using wires and miniatures. Granted, there have been massive failures of the idea, most notably in the form of a certain wrestler-turned-half-scorpion, but in the case of most "impossible" effects, i think these people are being far too harsh on the method. Case in point in this movie being the final fight between Blade and Nomak, with CG stuntmen making up the harshest parts of one of the most brutal fights in recent memory. Yeah, the CG stuntmen are obvious. I also think it wouldnt have worked any other way. People, youve gotta look at thhhings with better eyes than that.
In closing, i think the succeeds on every level it attempts to hit, and anyone willing to put some duct tape over the mouth of their inner cynic looking for more substance in their movies should be able to see that. Roll on Blade III indeed.
Tenshi kinryoku (2000)
Finding beauty in blasphemy
I'm going to say this right off the bat, so that we're all very clear....this movie WILL insult, repulse, and offend some people. This series touches on at least three of the most socially and even morally taboo subjects one can conjure up in any culture, incest, heresy, and bisexuality, and touches upon them in a way that many will see as glorification. Matter of fact, let's not sugar coat it; they ARE glorified. Those of you with highly strict, rigid moral/religious values, I tell you this for your own good. You have been warned. This anime will test, taunt, and challenge that which you hold so dear. I repeat...you have been warned. ...Still with me? Good.
That having been said, Angel Sanctuary is one of the most stylish, imaginative, story-driven, dramatic, tragic, and yes, even romantic anime series I've ever laid eyes on.
So, where does the whole mess from that first paragraph fit in? Let me try to explain...
Angel Sanctuary's main set up takes its cues from a number of religious texts, but mostly Milton's Paradise Lost. You have three levels; in heaven, you have the choirs of angels, in hell, the damned. And in between, the 6 billion humans on earth who either acknowledge or deny that either side exists, even though beings from both sides interact with them on a regular basis.
However, neither side is what they seem. Heaven is full of vain, self-righteous, elitist choirs of angels; Hell is a barren wasteland out of the sight of God, and more or less seems to just want to be left to its own devices. Sorta like a demonic Switzerland.
The thing is, God seems to be rather indisposed somehow. In his stead, the angels are now in charge of heaven. And they're almost all greedy for the throne.
One of the big exceptions is Organic Angel Alexiel, a high level angel who, tired of all the clashing egos and self-righteous slaughter, decides to defect over to the other side, and lead a revolt against Heaven itself. Eventually, though, her revolt fails, and after a climactic battle with her twin brother Rosiel, she is caught, and sentenced to be split into two parts; her body is trapped in an unbreakable crystal in heaven, her soul is condemned to an eternity of being resurrected on Earth in some sort of lowly existence, and to meet an inevitable horrible death each and every time. Her soul will be stillborn within a human body, and will have no choice but to experience existence laying dormant.
Enter Setsuna Mudo, the most recent incarnation of Alexiel, though he's obviously unaware of this. He's your pretty average hopeless romantic high school student in love....with his biological sister, Sara.
Here's the thing, though. This is not your expected "Yee-haw we're marryin' our own cousins while tippin' the cows" type of brother-sister attraction story. No, folks, seriously. Setsuna LOVES his sister. The way that Seth loves Maggie in City Of Angels. The way that Eric Draven loves Shelly in The Crow. The way that, i dare say, Romeo loves Juliet. How the hell that happened, i don't know, but it's the truth. Setsuna knows damn well he's going to hell for it, and doesn't care. When he loves, it's, as his best friend put it, "clumsy, but straightforward", and complete. Sara is the one true point of happiness in his life, and vice versa. Not even the threat of hell, the scorn of an angry parent, or the hand of God himself can render that asunder.
However, both sides are sure as hell going to try. See, in order to stop the conflict, beings on both sides have been trying to hunt down Alexiel and force her dormant spirit to fully awaken. In this search, bonds are made, emotions grow where there were none, and love is tested.
What follows is a very unique take on a love story, borrowing elements from various religions, fantasy/fiction, and even Greek tragedy, coming together in a divine tapestry that breaks so many rules, and is unlikely to be copied anywhere in the foreseeable future.
As I said, undoubtedly, this will freak some people out. Putting aside the sexually ambiguous look and character of the beings from both sides, the seemingly constant statements of blasphemy, and the depiction of wicked angels, sympathetic and emotional demons, there is the film's main love story between Setsuna and Sara. Yes, it's blatant incest. And yet, i daresay, if you arent cheering your ass off for these two by about 2/3 of the way through the film, check your pulse, you might be missing a heart.
The main problem I have with the series is the way it ends. It's a To Be Continued of the worst kind. And last I checked, Kaori Yuki, the original manga's creator, has no plans to make an anime out of the rest of the series, so the only way to get any sort of closure to the story, apparently, is to wait for Marvel or Dark Horse to bring it over here, or go import the manga, and learn much Japanese.
It's not often you have a film come along, let alone an animated one, and just blow every preconception you might have out of the water, and Angel Sanctuary does this in spades, and beautifully. But, when films like Dogma and Stigmata can offend some at the drop of a hat for their content, i also know that some will end up hating it for the same reasons. The open-minded will enjoy this story to the full hilt. The stagnant will find themselves challenged, and probably confused. To them, i say, just dont watch if you think you can't take it. It's simply your loss. But should you watch, and choose to be repulsed, well, look up at the first paragraph again...you can't say I didn't warn you.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Better title..."Final Fantasy: Misunderstood from Minute One"
Everybody knows it by now, its a proven fact...video games-turned-into-movies have a bad track record. To date, out of the approximate 10 games turned into movies, 2 have seen success...Mortal Kombat(which deserved it), and Tomb Raider(which certainly did not). Where did the others go wrong?? Simple...they underestimated their audience, eschewing the best parts of the source material, in favor of piling on the kiddie crap. Mortal Kombat remained stagnantly true to the game, and found widespread success. Tomb Raider, while it didn't exactly impress me much, did remain true to the image of Lara Croft, and at least managed to keep the action interesting while the storyline crashed and burned into an ugly gelatinous mess all around it.
So, enter Final Fantasy. Despite absolutely GORGEOUS visuals(anybody for a Cinematography Oscar? Does it even apply to animated movies??), this movie was destined for world-wide failure, especially in America. Why, you say? Glad you asked...
Square Pictures made goof number one by calling the film Final Fantasy in the first place. One could guess that they thought that respected name would help sell the movie, even when the story has precisely squat to do with the games, when it actually worked the other way around. Rule One of making a video game movie: Don't stray too far from the source material, or don't bother using the name at all. You just end up scaring fans away.
Goof two is, actually, the story. In the aesthetic sense, this movie is a CGI anime. It has every aspect of Eastern Philosophy you'd come to expect from sci-fi anime, right down to the "nature vs man vs the atomic age" argument we've seen before in Akira, Ghost In The Shell, and Princess Mononoke. As far as quality's concerned, that counts for brownie points in the film's favor. As far as appealing to a mainstream American audience goes, though, I'd be lying if I said that this wasn't one of the reasons the movie bombed here.
Part two to that issue is the execution of said story, which is where the most of the movie's detractors took aim. Personally, I do happen to like the film, because I do happen to be a fan of anime, so I'm used to a slightly scattered, enigmatic, "fill in the blanks" type of story and script. But in this country, ambiguity, as far as blockbusters go, kills(A.I. had the same problem, box office-wise.). Why are plants and animals chosen as the spirits?? Why is General Hein going about it so viciously? Where do the souls stolen by the Phantoms go? These are the holes that anime fans are already able to fill in. But its a bit too much work for the moviegoer who still has trouble figuring out if The Matrix is reality or not.
Not helping in that department, though, is that shreds of dialogue in the movie are very high in cheese value. A rather haunting monologue at the start of the movie is cheapened by an archetypical "will I be in time to save the world" line. Some of them are saved by professional delivery, particularly James Woods' General Hein. A speech about what happened to his family might have been very forced in the wrong hands. Woods saved it. On the other end of the spectrum, though, is a certain line by Donald Sutherland near the end, which is my nominee for the 2001 Halle Berry "Toads Struck By Lightning" Award. To quote a reviewIi saw for the film, it sounds like he's taking a bath in some warm boulliabaise. Trust me, you'll know it when you hear it. Discriminating ears will rip this film a new one 30 minutes in based solely on that.
So what's the verdict here? Well, anime fans will be in for a wonderful ride. Never before has a project like this been attempted, and with the team assembled to make the film(series creator/producer Hironobu Sakaguchi directed, Eliot Goldenthal was assisted by the series' score composer Nobuo Uematsu), there aren't many ways the movie will do you wrong. You just have to keep in mind, this movie has NOTHING to do with the games. If you want that, there's a nice 5-part actual anime based on FFIV out right now. The rest of you, though, won't be disappointed... Casual moviegoers, however, will have some troubles. To them, I compare the film to a hot supermodel with a 220 IQ who just found New Age religion. Extremely nice to look at, and study intensely in wide-wonder...but chances are, you're gonna get lost the second she opens her mouth. If you're open-minded enough, there's a lot to discuss with her. But, I doubt all that many have that much patience. But, hey, she's pretty, right? And the sad part is, this is where most moviegoers fall under....there's lots of great things if you're willing to listen.
Whichever side you fall on, though, I have one final recommendation....stick around through the credits. The Lara Fabian-performed/Eliot Goldenthal-penned end theme "The Dream Within" is well worth a listen, and, I daresay, may very well land her a "Best Original Song" Oscar nomination if she doesn't wind up running against herself for the equally beautiful "For Always" from the A.I. soundtrack...now I'm curious if the rest of her material is this great. Or if shes as underestimated as this movie.
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)
Vampires aren't the only anemic things around here...
For a film with such pretty packaging, its really a shame there isn't any other reason to view the film.
Sure, the animation is decidedly excellent, and as far as the DVD version goes, the sound's a godsend. But, indeed, this film is certain proof of the old saying that looks aren't everything.
First off, the film runs a paltry 45 minutes, even though the package misleads you into thinking it's 83 minutes(the rest of the time apparently comes from the documentary). And in that 45 minutes, there's absolutely no backstory, no reason to care about Saya's quest, no explanation of who and what she is.... the entire movie feels like we missed everything along the way, and by the end, there's no resolution. For anime fans, i compare this to the first part of Ninja Resurrection...like the first part of that film, by the end, you feel cheated...like theres a missing part of the series that will never come, to our knowledge.
But, yeah, like i said, the animation really is excellent, and it might be worth a rental. But i STRONGLY advise against a purchase. It's simply not worth your time...
X-Men: Evolution (2000)
Very simple principle: if it ain't broke, you shouldn't try to fix it.
Let's go through the history here of the X-Men in TV and Movies. Early 80's, we get the cheesy version, the original cartoon....it struck out in pretty much every aspect, right down to Wolverine having an Australian accent. 10 years later, we get its opposite, a version of the cartoon, faithful to the comics in almost every way, right down to its final season. After that, we get a live action version which does the same, in its own way. The changes made actually helped the transition. With these two things to draw inspiration from, why then does this TRAVESTY exist?! With X-Men: Evolution, we get all the elements of the comic, dumbed down for the kiddies to enjoy. OK, start with the fact that all the characters, with the exception of Wolverine, Magneto, Mystique and Prof X are now lifeless teenagers, and even Mystique has become, what, the school principal?! These are not the X-Men we know and love. This is the Marvel equivalent of Muppet Babies, wrapped up in a trendy, non-offensive package. Then you get down to the subtle things. Every episode seems to be the same, either one would-be X-Man, or a would-be villain is just discovering his or her powers, and the other X-Men just have to help...wow...lots of originality there. But just non-offensive enough to get on Kids WB....But then..I can't be surprised....this is the same network that forced the cutting of SIX WHOLE MINUTES out of Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, a film that is being hailed as the best Batman film since the original 1989 movie.
Gekijôban Poketto Monsutâ: Myûtsû no Gyakushû (1998)
Could've been for adults...but nooooo.....
I've seen great anime(Akira, Vampire Hunter D, Angel Cop, Dragon Ball Z, Fist of the North Star, Crying Freeman) and I've seen pure 100% crap(Digimon, Kimera, Devil Man vol 1, Cutey Honey). Pokemon hasnt been a favorite, but it hasnt been utter crap to me either(mostly because i am a fan of the games)...its had its cute moments, its truly cartoony funny moments, and moments when its bored me to hell. So when the movie came out, yes, i was there the first day, at a 5 dollar matinee. i sat through that self-indulgent BS "Pikachu's vacation", to get to the meat...Mewtwo Strikes Back...now, from the get go, Mewtwo was(and is) my favorite pokemon...game-wise, because he was powerful as hell...and because of his pseudo-storyline....the movie elaborated on it, and on that, they did a decent job(i believe im the only one to draw comparisons here to Magneto's origins in X-Men[the comic and movie])...but then comes the crap...an injection of pure sappiness, there to make the kiddies walk away feeling more righteous than they should....it felt dirty...honestly....and i walked off feeling that Mewtwo still rocked, but the rest of the film wasnt worth it....BUT, i believe i found the main reason why it sucked when it shouldnt have: Americans. See, a few weeks ago, i stumbled upon the original japanese transcript, translated into pure English to the best of the webmaster's ability...and wow, did my opinion of the film change. First off, the movie begins NOT with the worthless Pikachu's Vacation, but with a 10 minute sequence showing first the discovery of Mew's eyelash, and the intent to clone it, but also the first years of Mewtwo's life, which is, without a doubt, one of the saddest stories i've ever seen in an anime, or any cartoon for that matter, and thats coming from someone who didnt break a sweat when Mufasa died in the Lion King. The sequence discussed ideologies on life, death, the human soul, human nature...and it was an excellent sequence that should've been kept in...and even further in the movie, as Mewtwo discusses his motives for wanting to rule over humans and pokemon, theres much more to buy into with Ash's relationship with his pokemon, and even big-mouth Meowth's conversation with his cloned alter-ego was very much more philosophical (and on a shallow note, Ash is allowed a couple of harsh curses to say) The script was wonderful...UNTIL, that is...the WB, Warner Bros, and all the other american idiots took a ginsu knife to the script translation, and it became conservative, childish utter BS. To anyone reading this, look at this movie, and say a prayer for those who translated and edited it, for they know not what they do..this could've been a great piece of animation, and instead comes off as infantile
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Be better than the first one
And that mission was very much accomplished. But what do we expect? It's John Woo! Although, we can all vouch for the fact that his other works are still better than this, this is what a summer action film usually is: high paced action that rocks you out of your seat, and aside from some slow moments at the beginning(Once the team gets together, the movie truly gets into gear), this movie delivers. Now the biggest complaint of this movie by people is the plot. Well, let me settle things right now. The villain, Ambrose, almost has his hands on a super virus, and its cure, meaning he could make millions off marketing both. It's up to IMF to stop him. As long as you know that much, there isnt much else you need to think over. Go in just expecting that, not a work of art(if you need John Woo's work of American art, go rent Face/Off), and believe me, this movie will rock your world.
Mallrats (1995)
Kevin Smith's black sheep movie
The critics hated it, few people saw it in the theaters, kevin smith even jokingly disowned it? Why, one may ask? Very simply, the film was too intelligent and witty for the teenage, mallrat crowd it was based around, and too low brow for the critics who were expecting an independent style comedy piece of work like Kevin Smith's previous film, Clerks. I fall somewhere in the middle, being an intelligent, wicked minded teenager, and unlike most, i ended up enjoying the movie thoroughly, the only part that seemed a bit too weird to keep in being the fortune teller with the third....well, you'll have to see the movie to know what im talking about. Kevin Smith, at heart, has a great imagination, that only gets stifled when critics expect him to churn out drama/comedies all the time. He made this movie a straight up comedy, and if you go in expecting the dark comedy that Clerks had, some of the personal experience touches and social commentary that Chasing Amy had, or some of the religious retrospect that he managed to get into Dogma without the catholic church having a contract on his head, then yes, you WILL be disappointed. Kevin Smith's little black sheep is a movie about young love, comics, shopping malls, Superman's coital habits, and sailboats. Pretend it doesn't exist if you want to, but its your loss if you cant see it in its right perspective.
Digimon: Digital Monsters (1999)
if the makers of pokemon EVER had a reason to sue anybody...
face facts, everybody, this is a cheap attempt to cash in on the phenomenon known as pokemon, and a horrible attempt as well. one of the things that makes the pokemon cartoon fun to watch is the sheer charm of it, inside jokes, and antics which are sometimes overly silly, but still enjoyable, and on the other spectrum, beneath it all, pokemon teaches kindness to animals and a lot of little lessons about friendship. Digimon simply takes the basic principles of pokemon, and cheapens them into pure stupidity.come on, a talking eyeball, and a snowman who speak perfect english while being perfectly insipid in the process? trust me people, if you have a taste for the pocket monster phenom, go pick up a game boy, and a pokemon game(for the more advanced, go get pokemon stadium for N64)...if you need a weekday anime fix, turn to the cartoon network and watch some dragon ball z....but by any means, leave this cheap piece of under developed crap out the door