dcb-4's Reviews

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

3/10

Dreck. A few highlights keep this from a zero rating.

24 May 2016

Warning: Spoilers

SPOILER. A near-total train wreck of a movie, saved by a very few highlights.

THE GOOD. Almost every actor does the best they can with the material. It's not Eisenberg or Fishburne's fault that their characters are written wrong. The final showdown between the heroes and Doomsday is pretty nifty, as is the first half of the fight between B and S. I look forward to a Affleck-helmed Batflick, and I thought Wonder Woman was handled very well. Definitely a first for live-action. (As much as I love Linda Carter, that take was seriously campy. Fun, but campy.)

THE BAD. HC? Kind of bland. No, make that very bland. Perry White is too mellow and, though it's cool they have him as a scientist/tech guy, having Lex be basically insane, rather than cold and calculating, is a serious misstep. Also, the fight between Bat and Supes should have ended in the middle, after S got the upper hand. After all, his mother's life was at stake. Why the hell would he just wallop on B? Petty revenge? Silly.

THE UGLY. The whole first hour plus. Unbelievably ham-fisted. We get to hear over and over about how we can't trust S over and over. Oh, did I repeat myself? Over and over. The set-up in the desert that is supposed to push everyone over the edge? Does no one actually think in this film? If S wanted to kill everyone, he wouldn't need a gun. That's the whole point of being Superman. But yeah, a bunch of guys get shot. Terrorists. And we're supposed to believe that the really strong, bullet-proof guy did it. Or that we care about the fate of terrorists.

Zero joy. Less than in the last movie, and I didn't think that was possible. Cramming in the cameos from The Flash and Aquaman (and whoever else that was) merely padded out the running time. Did we need to see them again and again as well? Probably not.

The dialogue. For the most part it's either contrived, trying too hard to be poignant, or just plain bad. People are simply repeating each other or saying things that make no sense, but are there to move the plot forward.

Doomsday. Not that it exists, but how it was made. WHY?! Why would an advanced civilization place the ability to make an ultimate weapon like that on a penal colony ship? Or any ship at all? And why.... WTF???... would they allow a non-Kryptonian to simply say "Oh yeah. Let's make that?" Oh, there's so much more I could get into...

For the most part, things happen in this movie simply to happen. It's dark, ugly and meandering. I had zero expectations for this going in and, aside from those few points above, it still disappointed. I paid a buck and a half at the discount theater to see this. I asked for a dollar of it back.

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Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: Happy Thanksgiving, Miranda (2014)

Season 5, Episode 4

3/10

A Serious Misstep of an Episode

22 September 2015

Normally, I love this show. Even when I'm not familiar with the comedian, of not a fan, there's something enjoyable about the banter between Jerry and his guests. I like the stories of how it was starting out, and some of the funny stuff that happens along the way.

This was reminiscent of the episode with "Kramer," from the old Seinfeld show. That didn't work too well, but it had it's moments. Sadly, this one does not. I smiled/lightly chuckled five times in twenty minutes. I counted. The character of "Miranda Sings" (or whatever) just doesn't work.

The only time the show really came alive was at the very end, when the actress underneath actually started talking about how the character affected her life. Could have flipped the show. Had one minute of Miranda, and nineteen of Colleen.

A rare, but serious misstep of an episode, in an otherwise fascinating show.

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Hobgoblins (1988)

2/10

They hope you saw Gremlins 1 & 2, and still crave more!

24 October 2014

Remember Gremlins? Wasn't that a fun movie? And Gremlins 2: Electric Gremlinpoo? Or whatever? Wasn't that one fun, too? Well here comes a movie from some people who hoped you saw Gremlins 1 & 2, Ghoulies 1 through 4, Troll 1 & 2, and even some of the lesser Muppet movies, and yet still crave more!!!! Somehow, a bunch of hobgoblins have been locked up in a film vault in a film studio (coincidence? I don't think so...), and they must be kept in there or the mayhem they cause will destroy the earth.

So, someone is constantly leaving the door open.

No, seriously. Every time they go towards the vault, the door is already open.

The hobgoblins mostly do things to your mind, that way they don't have to actually interact with people, because....Well that stuff's expensive! There's also about five people in the movie, and all of about five sets. Not much happens. Perfect for riffing. I saw this as part of Elvira's 13 Nights of Halloween on Hulu, but MST3K did a much better job. Either way, don't watch it without a guide. It could be dangerous to your mental health.

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Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)

6/10

Dr. Black and Mr..............White

22 October 2014

Warning: Spoilers

SPOILER Having, in years past, seen Blacula, Blackenstein, and Scream Blacula, Scream!, it was inevitable that I would get to this. It's the story of Dr. Pride (Wait! I thought it was Dr. Black. Maybe Dr. Black-Pride?), brilliant research scientist by day, and also by day, a volunteer at the Watts Free Clinic & Thrift Shop. Yes, you read that right. You can't make up the Seventies...

When one of his serums turns a blackish rat white and makes it so violent that it attacks and kills the other rats in the cage, the good doctor takes it as a sign that this may just be the cure for psoriasis of the liver. Oh, did I mention that he's looking for a cure for psoriasis of the liver? Yep, he's looking for a cure for psoriasis of the liver. Anyways (that's for you, Debbie), Doc BP decides he needs to try it out on humans to get real, useful data...rules, regulations, and ethics be damned. So he tries it out on a patient that's been brought in for liver failure and is not expected to live out the night. She turns white, lunges at him, and promptly dies.

This leaves the doctor with no choice but to try it on himself, which is strange, because he's never mentioned that he's even got psoriasis of the liver. Nope, not even an inkling that he's got psoriasis of the liver. This, of course, turns him into an angry white man with incredible strength, who decimates any brotha who stands in his way. Oh, and he also kills hookers because.....well.....um....psoriasis of the liver!!! Bernie Casey is actually pretty good (probably because he's an excellent actor) and the whole thing is a lot of fun. There's a really cool stunt involving him throwing a store clerk through several rows of vegetable bins--no CGI, and all done in a single take, and a bravura finale in which the evil Mr. White...er, Hyde (never called that) climbs the Watts Towers.

For some reason.

Oh, just go with it!

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Monk: Mr. Monk and the Three Pies (2004)

Season 2, Episode 11

9/10

You have a brother?

11 March 2014

John Turturo guest stars as, and wins an Emmy for playing, Monk's brother, Ambrose, in a powerful, masterful, and, ultimately, heart-breaking, bravura performance. Sure, there's the usual, somewhat silly mystery that needs to be solved, but the real meat of this episode is the tension that exists between the two brothers. Usually, when a character in a series "suddenly" has a new sibling, (The Cosby Show, I'm looking at you...) the reasoning for never being mentioned is silly. Not so here. The reason is simple, and very understandable. Ambrose's quirks make Monk look downright normal, and the secrets he's carrying are a heavy burden, indeed. My two favorite, stand-out scenes are when Sharona asks Ambrose what it is that Monk has, that he doesn't. And when Monk confronts him about the reason Adrian has denied his existence for the last several years. Bot scenes broke my heart. Watch this. He'll break your heart, too.

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White T (2013)

2/10

I really wanted to like this

21 August 2013

I really wanted to like this. The brothers are a pair of likable guys. They just have no script to work with. K-Dawg and Rodomski are broad characters who almost get laughs out of their laugh-less characters. But again, no script to work with. Gerry Bednob is the only one who gets any consistent laughs. Even Chyna is funny for the first minute or two. Then they ran out of things to have her say, but kept going anyway. There is no dramatic tension, really, which would be good to have. There is no finale, per se, the film just runs out. There are precious few laughs. At all. And whoever "wrote" the script basically just hates fat people. And apparently, so does the director. "Hey, I know, we'll just show fat bodies in hyper-slow-motion and it will be funny." That's sort of how I imagine the script meetings going. Gerry and the brothers will survive this mess, as I suppose the rest of the cast will. I would like to see Jason and Robbie in better roles. I think they deserve it. Avoid this turkey at all costs.

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Ma and Pa Kettle at Home (1954)

8/10

A fine swan song for Pa

13 September 2008

If you actually take the time to read the trivia sections for these films, you will know that this is the last of the series filmed with Percy Kilbride. Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki was shot three years earlier, but it's release was held until after this one. This is a wonderful send off for Pa and I wish Universal had been wise enough to quit while they were ahead, but that's another story all together.

This is one of two personal favorites of the series, the other being Ma and Pa Kettle at the Fair. The things they both have in common are the look at small town life and a better sense of humor than the first two pictures. There are a couple of early pratfalls with Ma that don't work, but the rest of the film is a nice mix of sincerity and hilarity. Geoduck, Crowbar and the rest of the men in their tribe steal the show when they try to help Pa out of the jam he has created. It's nice every once in a while to slow down, relax and watch a Ma and Pa Kettle film. It's one of the not-so-guilty pleasures of life.

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Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood! (2008)

8/10

These Mutant Vampire Zombies have bite!

4 April 2008

I was one of the fortunate few who got an invitation to an advance screening of "Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood." Like so many of you out there I have been waiting for this one for about a year, and with much trepidation. I think we were all hoping for the best, but fearing the worst. Well, I'm happy to report that these Mutant Vampire Zombies deliver. KeiKabou Holland and Maxie J. Santillan Jr. practically steal the movie, while Johanna Watts and Tyshawn Bryant ground the film with strong, believable performances. In fact, all the gang members are terrific--my only caveat is that their screen time is too brief. The script by Thunder Levin and George Saunders is fun--think more along the lines of an R-rated "The Mummy" than "Shaun of the Dead"--and Thunder's direction keeps the story going at a hurried pace. There's never a dull moment. The zombies look great, the action is crisp and the laughs work in all the right places. After all the waiting, I was happy to see that "Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood" lives up to the pure hokum fun its name implies.

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Tarzan and the Amazons (1945)

6/10

You know what's missing? Action!

9 January 2008

Warning: Spoilers

SPOILER ALERT! Come on. When I watch a Tarzan movie, I expect some action and there's hardly any in this film. Johnny is near the end of his reign as Tarzan, getting flabby and more than a bit bored. Brenda Joyce is pretty yet bland as Jane. And there's just way to much walking around and talking. Would have killed the filmmakers to find a way to have an exciting finale? All we get is Tarzan yelling "Boy!" That's it! Tarzan even chases off a lion rather than fight it when it threatens Jane! There aren't even any serious rope swings in the film. What happened to the good old days when Tarzan swung through the jungle? Now he swings down from his tree house and spends the rest of the time running.

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Michael Winslow Live (1999)

6/10

Pretty good 30 minutes expanded into an hour and a half

28 December 2001

Michael was always the bright spot in the Police Academy movies and he's very funny here, as well, when he does what he does best--sounds. He does a great Jimi Hendrix--the guitar, that is--and a hilarious bit involving a monster truck and Cheech and Chong as hitchhikers.

Then he goes on a bit too much about a character he did in "Gremlins 2" and does stories where he talks about doing sounds more than actually doing them. This all would have been okay if it were a thirty or forty minute set, trimmed here and there to keep the pacing up, but they pad this baby out to feature-length with shots of Michael at a Hard Rock Cafe and other places.

Best bet is to watch this sucker on tape and fast-forward all those pace-killing bits.

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Moonraker (1979)

7/10

Bad Bond, but still fun.

17 February 1999

Moonraker is not quite the nadir of the series--that distinction is left for View to a Kill--but it comes close. Made to capitalize on the Star Wars craze it is a virtual remake of The Spy Who Loved Me turned silly. Bond now seems along for the ride as the special effects take over. Jaws is back, but now instead of being menacing he's just silly. And yet there are still a number of exciting scenes, just enough to make the whole mess worth while. It may be bad Bond, but it still manages to be fun.

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