Reviews
Battlefield Earth (2000)
One of the Worst Films I have ever had the Pleasure to Watch
Wow was this film Bad: Acting = Bad, Script(?) = Bad, Effects = So So, Plot = Bad, Continuity = Bad, Camera Work = Tilted/Bad.
What was Travolta thinking, what was Forest Whitaker thinking; what were my friend and I thinking when we went to see this? This film is an insult to anyone with an I.Q over 45 - How do Harrier Jump Jets/Electricity/Flight Sim's etc work after ONE THOUSAND YEARS!!!! This entire film seemed like Stock Footage from other films. It also had a scene that ripped off the Matrix so directly there had better have been some sort of pay-off. John Travolta's (villain) character was ssooo over the top he might as well have worn a sign that read "Hi I am EVIL!" My friend put it best when he said that the only thing that Travolta did not do was kill a few Kittens. I am surprised that there was not a scene in the film where Travolta's Psychlo character tied a woman to train tracks and stood over her snickering and cackling while pulling on his air hoses like a mustache'!!! The film was so bad it broke 1/2 way through, and we missed about ten minutes and I got free tickets...I'll go see Gladiator.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
If you don't have Imagination and Patience..dont bother...
To appreciate this film you have to let yourself be drawn in, you have to use your imagination. If you can't do that and allow the film to worm its way into your mind, which it does masterfully--You wont get it.
This is not a film where you will jump and be cat-scared, nobody is in a mask with a knife, this film is about REAL Fear, human terror.
True horror builds up, it works its spell on you slowly...and it makes a lasting impression, which this film did...
There are points in this film that do drag a bit, but the END is worth every damn minute...I was truly afraid for those three people, and I thought of them as people not actors who I was waiting to see have die.
What a film!
Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
Funniest Film of the Year
Yes thats right, Universal Soldier the Return, is the funniest film of the year! If you and a few friends see it in an almost empty theater, and can MST3K it to death!
This film has it all!
1. Bad Acting
2. They gave a starring role to a wrestler, and a support role to an ESPN soft core porn...i mean aerobics hostess.
3. Ridiculous Science, Holywood style Computers.
4. Technobabble thrown in more gratuitously than a Star Trek Ep. (Nanotechnology!!)
5. American style Martial Arts..(Close shots and quick editing)
6. Nudity and skin thrown in just because..not a bad thing..."We need to find a internet terminal..Strip Bars have Them!!"
And this movie is perfect for playing Spot the Rip-off, and Spot the Plot Hole....oh boy!
All in all a great laugh out loud Time, but for gods sake only $5 matinee, don't pay $8.50...it aint as funny if you pay over 5 bucks.
Oh yeah, anyone know why its called The Return?
There were two made for TV sequels II and III!!!!....Did anyone see em?..Thats what I thought.
Six-String Samurai (1998)
Fun, Cool and Stylish
.....Ok this movie was just tons of fun...I thank the friend who took me to see it. The fight scenes were well done and well shot..not much of that fast cutting and camera trickery that some American Martial Artist use to look better...*J.C.V.D* It also looked great for such a cheap film. Some people are going to be scared off by the Camp and the Kid....Ah yes the Kid. I tolerate the kid by imagining a new ending for the film. ****The kid getting torn apart by a hungry pack of Coyotes...fade to credits and applause****