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Martin and Lewis (2002)
This is awful!
Okay, tell me the truth....the people who have written these glowing reviews are complete Martin & Lewis fanatics. This is one of the worst "true" stories ever made. Sean Hayes stinks as Jerry Lewis. He doesn't look like Jerry, can't move like Jerry, and sure can't mug like Jerry. And Jeremy Northam as Dean Martin? Please...Dean was cool...Northam is not. Not only doesn't he look like Dean, sound like Dean, or move like Dean, he plays him with no charm or style. His acting is worse than Sean Hayes and thats sinking pretty low. Anyone who can rate this movie above a 1 either never saw the real Martin & Lewis or is a complete fan. I like Martin & Lewis movies....but by the REAL guys, not these fakes.
Solaris (2002)
Can you say "Wake Me Up When The Credits Role"
Do people genuinely set out to make really gosh-awful movies, while spending lots of money? Actually, the question should be why would anyone in his or her right mind throw away hard-earned, fiat currency to make a total train wreck of a flick? Hmmm . . . can you say "Solaris?" Do I sound redundant? If I do, please allow me to stop so I can start over and repeat myself. My husband fell asleep within the first 15 minutes of the movie, and I wondered if I shouldn't join him, seeing that even the lead actor, George Clooney (Chris Kelvin), kept falling asleep so his deceased wife (Rhyea) would return to him. I should have fallen asleep so this movie would go away sooner. But I resisted, and instead lapsed into a self-induced comma (aka: images floating before my eyes, while unable to generate any body movement, with occasional involuntary drooling and bodily excretions). So here you have Clooney, playing the role of a psychiatrist, who never really does any psychiatric work. (I've seen more convincing performances in a Mandy Moore film. She's more believable as a dying teen than Clooney is as a psychiatrist . . . and that's pushing the envelope - clean off the table.) Clooney shoots off into space to aid the commander of a floating space station, only the commander committed suicide before his arrival, but keep in mind a few years earlier Clooney's wife committed suicide, so it seems there might be a pattern emerging here, but noooo. Instead, the remaining two people on the space station (upon Clooney's arrival) are able to dream up people - dead or undead who cares - because you never really know if they are dead or undead or if anyone is really what they seem. Are they real or Memorex via the Solaris experience? Only you never see their dreamed creation - well - except for the one fellow who dreamed up himself and then murdered his real self. Or the space station commander's dream son, who is not really his son, who is actually back on Earth, but the dream boy doesn't do anything to make his character believable, which could have added an interesting story line to the movie to make up for all the dead, slow-paced script that fell flat from the first frame. The movie's core lies with Clooney's deceased, yet, unstable wife, who is even more unstable as a Solaris entity, and Clooney's dilemma is trying to keep her from committing suicide again, because she doesn't think she's the real Rhyea. But no one bothers to indulge the viewer on the true reasons behind her original instability, which makes no sense since her husband is a psychiatrist, but it is hinted that her mother was "Certifiable."
Instead of returning to Earth, Clooney elects to remain onboard the space station as it is sucked into the Solaris field. So does he die, commit suicide or return as a non-acting actor in the last frames, as Rhyea re-enters spouting some voodoo propaganda to mess with the mind of the masses about being "forgiven" or some such nonsense? Who knows, and by this time, who really cares? The title should be changed to "Soborus." Just wake me up when the credits role, please. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
Batman: Dead End (2003)
Very Good....just wish it was longer!
I'm not big into shorts, but this was very good! It was great to see Batman the way he was meant to be.....not the last few movies with Kilmer & Clooney. I would love to see Batman take on the Predator's. By the way, the two leads in this short were very good also. My hat is off to the entire cast and crew on this project.
Two and a Half Men (2003)
Boring !
I tried to watch this show...once! It's boring. Sheen & Cryer are not funny, and that kid.....Zzzzzzzzz. At least all three of the leads have one thing in common......they can't act. Sheen was good in "Platoon", but that was a long time ago. Cryer was pretty good in "Dudes", but that was also a long time ago. And that kid....well he hasn't had a long time ago, and the way he acts...he won't.
Rat Race (2001)
RAT DROPPINGS
How should I begin my comments on this movie, hmm.......let me think......stinks.....sucks.....awful....non-funny......how about crap! This is without a doubt the least funny, least interesting, least intelligent movie I have seen this year and maybe in the last decade. What happened to Zucker? The poor guy used to have funny movies, not this slime he offered to the public. Rowan Atkinson, can you say an Italian Mr. Bean? Wayne Knight, can you say Newman from Seinfeld? Jon Lovitz, can you say any one of his boring bits from Saturday Night Live? John Cleese, can you say the manager from Fawlty Towers? So on and so on and so on!!! Don't let me forget the leading romantic couple...its hard to believe they could be any worse than they were in "Road Trip", but guess what, they are in this garbage. Couldn't Zucker come up with any funny ideas? Oh wait, a cow tied to a hot air balloon....ha-ha-ha not! Wasn't funny. Wait, the dog and the heart....nope! The pierced tounge...zzzzzzzzzz! Ooooooo, I know, the Hitler car and the cigarette lighter....nada! I'm glad I checked this out from the library so luckily I didn't have to pay a rental fee. My only wish is that IMDB would allow you to give a "0" rating on movies, because that is the rating it deserves. Instead I gave it a "1". By the way, Mr. Zucker, if you are having nightmares in your sleep after making this dribble, its probably Stanley Kramer's spirit causing it. I think you owe his ghost a public apology.
Darkness Falls (2003)
"AWFUL" !
This movie is awful! The story is bad, the acting is bad, the photography is bad, the special effects are bad! The only thing good about this movie is....well....umm....wait, don't tell me....oh, I give up. There's nothing good about this movie. I'm just glad the computers were down at Blockbuster the night I got this piece of garbage and they didn't charge me for it.
Go Chase Yourself (1938)
Good Clean Fun
While this may not be the greatest movie ever, it is a lot of fun to watch. Joe Penner is hilarious, and Lucille Ball is also great. It's too bad Mr. Penner had to die so young, he was a bit of a comic genius. If you like good clean family fun, then this is a movie not to be missed.
Twilight (1998)
A movie for the retirement home
This movie proved that Geritol should work--as long as you take it when you are supposed to. Prime material to watch old Hollywood veterans act...old. And don't be fooled by Paul Newman's limp; he was hobbling about on screen long before he received a bullet in the leg from Reese Witherspoon's gun-wielding scene. Gene Hackman proved he was old by playing gin; James Garner proved he could stand in the same spot long enough to down his gin; Susan Sarandon proved she'll never-again be sought after for a musical by her singing talent (or lack thereof - unless someone is doing a sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show); and Paul Newman proved that if he needed a bathroom in a hurry during scenes, the best place to keep him was in one. (There were more bathroom scenes in this movie than in all the Porky's flicks -- combined.) And as it took Newman the entire movie to prove Garner was on the take, is reason enough to suspect Alzheimer's permeated through the script. In the final shoot-out between Newman and Garner, the goal was not to see who would be the quickest, but the slowest. To call it a detective movie would be something of a misnomer. More like a defective movie. Stockard Channing should be commended, though, for helping an old man down the sidewalk at the movie's closing scene. Yes, that was Newman she was holding up. (And I'll bet some viewers thought they were in a romantic embrace.) Look closely - she was helping him back to the motion picture retirement home.
Bringing Out the Dead (1999)
Forgetaboutit !!!
Let the Dead Bury the Dead on this one. Martin S's attempt to portray paramedics as Angels of Mercy / Angels of Death came across as lackluster at best (auras around the New York City Paramedic patches and the glowing light emitting from Nicolas Cage). By the slow demise of Cage's performance, one would think the Angel of Death had visited his portion of the script on more than one occasion. Cage displayed more emotion and personality in City of Angels playing - you guessed it - a deadpan angel. As for Marty S, he should stick to his old tried-and-true standby, gangster flicks, and let those with a sense of the morbid and gothic undertake such projects.