Schitt's Creek (TV Series)

Housewarming (2019)

Noah Reid: Patrick Brewer

Quotes 

• Patrick Brewer : [playing Spin the Bottle]  Yeah, it actually looks like it sorta landed between two people.

  Ted Mullens : No, no, no, no! I know exactly who it landed on.

  Alexis Rose : Oh, Ted! That's not okay.

  Ted Mullens : Man, come here, big guy!

  [kisses David on the lips] 

  Alexis Rose : Oh my fucking G-d.

  Patrick Brewer : It looks like the punch needs a refill.

  Ted Mullens : Oh hey, I could use a refill too, big guy.

• Patrick Brewer : [Putting his arms around David's neck and David puts his arms around Patrick's neck]  I wonder what would have happened if we had met in high school?

  David Rose : Well, unless you were into candy ravers with asymmetrical haircuts and a lot of pacifier necklaces, I think our paths crossed at the right time.

  [David and Patrick kiss each other] 

• David Rose : What's going on here?

  Alexis Rose : Mm, things got effed, and we're not having fun anymore.

  Stevie Budd : For what it's worth, I'm having a great time.

  David Rose : You're like a tsetse fly. Where's your cell phone boyfriend?

  Stevie Budd : On my cell phone.

  David Rose : [to Patrick]  Okay. You're not having fun?

  Patrick Brewer : I don't know David, sure.

  David Rose : What exactly did I do wrong here?

  Alexis Rose : Oh, I don't know. David, mmm, was it the time you kissed my boyfriend? Or... was it the time you kissed my boyfriend?

  Stevie Budd : I think it was the time you kissed her boyfriend.

  David Rose : Okay, he kissed me! And I was just told to have some fun. So I played the game. I'm sorry that the bottle landed on me.

  Patrick Brewer : Hm, technically it landed between you and Stevie, so.

  Alexis Rose : Yeah.

  David Rose : Okay, so you're upset about this as well, then?

  Stevie Budd : Looks like it.

  Patrick Brewer : No, I'm not! I'm not upset. I just, I guess I wonder how you would react if the tables were turned.

  Alexis Rose : Yeah David, like, what would you do if Patrick and I suddenly kissed at a party?

  Patrick Brewer : Yeah?

  Stevie Budd : Or Patrick and me?

  David Rose : [to Stevie]  Okay, we're done with you.

  [to Alexis] 

  David Rose : It was spin the bottle! If Patrick was wasted, and spun the bottle, and it landed on you, and you guys kissed, I wouldn't care.

  Alexis Rose : You're lying, David.

  David Rose : Okay, is that what needs to happen to clear the air here? You guys need to kiss?

  Patrick Brewer : David, let's not be dramatic.

  Alexis Rose : Yeah, maybe it does.

  David Rose : Well, by all means.

  Patrick Brewer : I think it's actually more the principle of the thing...

  Alexis Rose : Okay, here we go.

  [Alexis takes off her shoes to get closer to Patrick's height] 

  Patrick Brewer : Is that really...

  [Alexis and Patrick share a very awkward kiss] 

  Alexis Rose : Mmmmmmmm! Yum! That was fun!

  Ted Mullens : Hey, are we spinning more bottles?

  David Rose : Uh, was that fun for you guys? That like, satisfying?

  Patrick Brewer : I was never not okay. So.

  Alexis Rose : It was really good for me!

• David Rose : Okay. How long did you envision this game going on for? Because never have I ever been so bored.

  Patrick Brewer : Aw, I'm sorry, David, when I suggested the game, I didn't expect that you'd be drinking quite so much. Eating out of the garbage?

  David Rose : Okay, I did that in front of you last night. Now, as a participant, if we don't change the game soon, I'm gonna get very drunk.