- Alaska Young: Let's make a deal.
- [lights cigarette]
- Alaska Young: You figure out what the labyrinth is and how to get out of it, and I'll get you laid... by a sexually liberated intellectual equal of course. Deal?
- Miles Halter: [shakes hand] Deal.
- The Colonel: It's like my mom always said, "You think you're waking on water, when it turns out you got piss in your shoes."
- The Colonel: No one calls me Chip.
- Miles Halter: [awkward laugh] I thought you just said your name...
- The Colonel: [interrupts] Call me the Colonel. We'll call you... Pudge.
- Miles Halter: Wait, you've got a girlfriend?
- The Colonel: Don't remind me. I can't stand her. But then again, she can't stand me.
- Miles Halter: Have you read all the books in your room?
- Alaska Young: God, no! But I'm gonna read them all. I call it my life's library.
- Alaska Young: When we first met, we were just a couple of scholarship kids with... a shared interest in... just call it booze and mischief.
- Miles Halter: I-I'm interested in those things too.