- Sheila Sazs: I didn't want to have to do this, but I'm fertile and I am ripe for the picking. So I don't care whether you have a meeting or not. I'm going to need your Johnny Appleseed.
- Alex Williams: And maybe I should have watched a little "Star Trek" growing up after all.
- Harvey Specter: What? How could you never watch "Star Trek?"
- Alex Williams: Because it's a stupid show with shitty effects.
- Harvey Specter: You realize I love that show, right?
- Alex Williams: I don't care how you feel about it. It's a stupid show with shitty effects.
- Harvey Specter: You know what, Alex? You may be a hell of a lawyer, but if you can't appreciate the original "Star Trek," you're nothing, because Captain Kirk is the best television character ever created.
- Harvey Specter: I've got two words for you, motherfucker. "Magnum, P.I."
- Harvey Specter: Those are fighting words. You know that, right?
- Alex Williams: They're not fighting words, Harvey, they're drinking words. So sit on down, and let's hash this out like two people who can both appreciate *M*A*S*H.
- Harvey Specter: Alex, you are one devious motherfucker.
- Alex Williams: Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.
- Harvey Specter: In that case, you're a real asshole of a guy, too.
- Robert Zane: I didn't ask you when you'd get here, Louis. I asked you where you were.
- Louis Litt: That's, uh, kind of personal.
- Robert Zane: Well, I feel kind of bad about that, Louis, but I've been standing here with nothing but my dick in my hand for the last 30 minutes.
- Louis Litt: All right, well, if you wanna know, Sheila and I are trying to have a baby and she's not getting any younger, and we're just trying to take advantage of any opportunity we can.
- Robert Zane: Why didn't you say so? Just get here as fast as you can.
- Man: Get on the ground, and don't you fucking look at me.
- Louis Litt: Okay, okay.
- Man: Wallet and phone. Where's the phone?
- Louis Litt: There's $1,000 in there, is that... is that not enough?
- Man: You think we're negotiating, here?
- Louis Litt: No, no, no, it's just that there... there's pictures on my phone that I haven't backed up.
- Man: I don't give a shit!
- Donna Paulsen: Zane already thinks I overstep my bounds. The last thing I need is for him to think that I can't hand in my homework on time, too.
- Alex Williams: Well, if that's what he thinks about you, you can have the copier, and Robert Zane can go fuck himself.
- Donna Paulsen: I mean you're in a Kobayashi Maru.
- Alex Williams: What the hell does sushi have to do with this?
- Donna Paulsen: It's not sushi, it's from "Star Trek," and Harvey's been talking about it for a hundred years. I always thought it was bullshit, but maybe it's not.
- Alex Williams: What do you mean?
- Donna Paulsen: I mean, sooner or later, everyone finds themselves walled into a no-win situation. This one's yours, and the way to prove yourself to both Harvey and Zane is to find a way out anyway.
- Alex Williams: Well, thanks, Donna. And here I thought going to Harvard was the way to get ahead, when really, I should have just been watching old "Star Trek"s. Well, I didn't, so unless the answer is in an episode of "Cagney and Lacey"...