- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: You think you've seen stories like this before, so you can guess what's going to happen. Who's important and who isn't, but that's because you're trapped in your POV. You have a classic case of white male protagonism Derek, and a Librarian simply cannot have that.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: When you file people away as sidekicks you don't realize their importance to the story, and this story belongs to a lot more people than you think. Where to shelve a book, it's not a little thing. You're telling the world what to value. Who to value.
- Derek: Okay, I think I'm starting to get the point of these stories. All women are just one emotional crisis away from a psychotic break.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Jesus, *no*. Whoa, you can't say stuff like that anymore.
- Derek: What, in the afterlife?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: *Anywhere*.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Where would you file them?
- Derek: Quentin and Alice "Star-Crossed Romances", probably, or "Well-Meaning Failures".
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: What about the others?
- Derek: Oh, "Side Characters in Epic Quests".
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [Bemused] I'm a side character?
- Derek: Look, no offense. It's just Quentin's the center of the whole thing. He's the one that knows everybody. He's the one the little British girl picked to save the world.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Or he's the one that looks like you.
- Derek: Not fair. Todd looks like me. He's not the center of shit.
- Baba Yaga: You live on my property under my protection, and your rent is due.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Okay, well, this isn't exactly my place.
- Baba Yaga: Well, you're here now, and the list is clearly posted on the premises.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Wait, Marina's weird grocery list on the fridge?
- Baba Yaga: It is not weird. *You* are weird. You reek of nondairy creamer and despair.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: So "Lovelady". huh?
- Pete: It's a title. When one guy's done with it, he passes it on to the next guy, kind of like "Dread Pirate Roberts" or "Senator".
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: That's not how Senators work.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Tracking spells?
- Gordy: Mm-hmm. I put them on pets. This one tastes like a real expensive Searcher. You hold it long enough, it kind of sends out a signal to whoever cast it.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Wait, a signal to who?
- Gordy: [Gasps] Aliens.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: I was thinking more like who makes Deweys. The Library.
- Gordy: Oh, yeah. That makes more sense.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Those books I lent you, you get a chance to read them?
- Derek: Of course.
- [Beat]
- Derek: Well, I skimmed.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: How far did you get?
- Derek: Alice, uh, opened a pipe, accidentally helped blow up the Modesto branch, and Quentin played Pictionary with a mummy.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: You said something's clashing with Pete. Like what?
- Gordy: Like a cursed object. I once treated a horse for strangles. Turns out jockey's riding crop interacted badly with a hoof-protection spell, so... Does Pete carry a riding crop?