- Roseanne Conner: I should've gone with you to the doctor.
- Becky Conner-Healy: It wouldn't have changed anything, I can't have kids.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, maybe the doctor's wrong. I had a kid in my 40s. It usually happens when you're least expecting and least prepared. Hell, all my pregnancies were like that. Well, one I wanted.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Which one was that?
- Roseanne Conner: You.
- Roseanne Conner: Dan, did you know if you go on the Internet you can find everybody's addresses and their phone numbers?
- Dan Conner: No, but I know if you're looking for an online job, DON'T go to FantasyPosition.com. Those people are working but it ain't a job.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Why don't you pet him?
- D.J. Conner: I can't, I'm allergic.
- Darlene Conner: No you're not. Mom just said that so she didn't have to get you a dog.
- D.J. Conner: I could've had a dog?
- Darlene Conner: Yeah. You could've had seafood too, except it's expensive.
- D.J. Conner: Damn it! I love dogs!
- Darlene Conner: Why are you getting a dog?
- Becky Conner-Healy: Because Andrea's going to pay me for having her baby. I'm going to be her surrogate. As soon as the baby's born she's going to pay me $50,000, then I'll be able to buy my dream home with a big yard, and since I'm gonna have a yard, I need a dog to go with it.
- Darlene Conner: So you decided to do the last thing first. You've inspired me, Becky. I'm going to go jump in a swimming pool, then fill it with water.
- Jackie Harris: [filling out Becky's medical forms] Hep B, Hep C, HIV, and STDs.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Nope, nope, nope, and
- [knocks on wood]
- Becky Conner-Healy: not anymore.
- Becky Conner-Healy: This wasn't supposed to be my life, serving white people 'fa-gee-tas'.
- Darlene Conner: Well, take some advice from a 40-year-old woman with 2 kids who's still living at home with her parents, who was just told today she's not Build-A-Bear material.
- Andrea: This is a little gift for the gift you're giving me.
- Becky Conner-Healy: [opens box] Wow, a Bedazzled egg.
- Jackie Harris: Becky, that's a Faberge egg, those things are worth a lot of money!
- Andrea: Actually it's Fabergé.
- Jackie Harris: And what did I say?
- Jackie Harris: Don't get mad, I took Becky to the fertility clinic, but it's all right, she's not going through with it anymore.
- Roseanne Conner: That's great, how'd you talk her out of it?
- Jackie Harris: I didn't, the doctor did. He said her eggs are too old.
- Roseanne Conner: That's great! How'd you get him to say that?
- Jackie Harris: I didn't. It's true. He says her chances of having a baby are slim to none
- Roseanne Conner: [Armani walks up to her] No! I am not giving your organization any money, I am tired of seeing your ads on TV, you're ruining my snack time!