- [Oscar is trying to make Felix realize that his perfectionist mother is being overly critical of his efforts to properly host Christmas]
- Oscar Madison: Just don't drive yourself crazy for someone who's never going to appreciate it.
- Felix Unger: How dare you insult that wonderful woman! She made me the man that I am today!
- Oscar Madison: That's what I'm saying! It's her fault!
- [Felix's perfectionist mother is visiting for Christmas]
- Meredith Unger: Hello, Oscar. You don't look any worse than the last time I saw you.
- Oscar Madison: Hello, Meredith.
- Meredith Unger: [casually] Oh, please, call me Mrs. Unger.
- Oscar Madison: What should I offer myself to drink?... Shot of vodka? All right...
- [leaves]
- [Felix has discovered that his mother buys her supposedly-homemade baked goods, is not her garden club president, and hired a maid to clean house when Felix was at school]
- Felix Unger: I'm sorry, Mother, this is a lot to process. I think maybe perhaps you should go home and spend Christmas with Randy.
- Meredith Unger: Well, I can't really do that.
- Felix Unger: Why not?
- Meredith Unger: Randy left me six months ago.
- Felix Unger: What?
- Meredith Unger: He told me I was too judgemental. But he's just the type of person who thinks like that!