- [last lines]
- Emily Locke: What a crazy coincidence? Batman came up with his own Jack-O-Lert.
- Teddy: In midnight black. Subtle. Powerful. Slimming.
- Ron: I wish we worked for Batman. I feel like *he'd* really get us.
- Emily Locke: Well, maybe someday we will.
- [first lines]
- Emily Locke: Just moved here for a new job. Really excited. How long have you lived in Charm City?
- Man: Long enough to know it sucks.
- Emily Locke: I don't know. I like it. A little bigger than where I grew up, but not that different...
- [sound of evil laughter followed by a crashing noise]
- Emily Locke: Except for that.
- Emily Locke: Wow. You don't see that every day.
- Man: Actually, you do. You see it every day.
- Emily Locke: I'm still gonna take a photo.
- Emily Locke: Thank you again for this opportunity, Mr. Wayne.
- Van Wayne: Please. Call me Van. Now, my cousin Bruce, he likes to be called Mr. Wayne. I call him B-Dubs. We're very close. And I just told him about you.
- Emily Locke: You talked to Bruce Wayne about me?
- Van Wayne: No, I texted him. He's hard to reach. But... look at his reply.
- Emily Locke: [reading text] Stop using my HBO Go password.
- Emily Locke: That's amazing. What is it?
- Ron: It's called the Wear Bag. It protects collateral damage from superhero battles. We're talking about projectiles, falling debris, direct blows.
- [Wendy punches Steve in his gut]
- Teddy: It's only good for one use.
- Wendy: I know. That's for taking my muffin, Steve.
- Emily Locke: This morning, my train was blown off the track, which apparently happens every day around here. Let's come up with something that solves things like that.
- Teddy: That's a brilliant idea. Let's just summon a wizard. Shazam! Ah, nothing.
- Emily Locke: Why are they shutting us down?
- Van Wayne: Bruce says we're obsolete. Gone are the days of a man in a bandit mask stealing a ruby from a museum. Now it's all just supervillains trying to destroy the Earth and superheroes fighting one another for vaguely defined reasons. Our products are powerless to stop that.
- Van Wayne: So he just gave up on us? I thought we were here to change the world.
- Emily Locke: Who told you that?
- Van Wayne: The company motto.
- Emily Locke: Oh, that. No, that came with the office. This used to be a diaper company.
- Ron: Okay, now, we all know that the number one cause of workplace accidents is Superman crashing through office windows mid-fight. That's a simple fact. But now... this glass is make of Kryptonite. So if he flies close to it, his powers will weaken, and he will softly bounce off.
- Emily Locke: Nice, and how does it work when the people inside need help from Superman?
- Ron: I had not taken that scenario into account.
- [drops Kryptonite glass]
- Ron: It's also not very strong against normal things.
- Emily Locke: I know what you're thinking. Yet another superhero battle. Well, my name's Emily Locke and I grew up in what's known as a flyover state - superheroes never stopped there; they just flew over. I didn't have any powers so I did what everybody else in my town did - finish school and get a soul-crushing job. I felt unfulfilled. Until one day, my dad reminded me that you don't need superpowers to accomplish great things.
- Emily Locke: Look, Wayne Security has stopped innovating. Our follow-up to last year's Joke Venom Antidote is exactly the same thing in a slightly darker purple.
- Teddy: Mm, it's not slightly darker. Okay, one's amethyst and one's sangria. You don't get it. She doesn't get it. She's not getting it!
- Emily Locke: No, I get that they're different. I just don't think that anyone cares about the color.
- Ron: Ooh. Kitty's got claws!
- Jackie: Bruce Wayne is on the phone for you.
- Van Wayne: Jackie, if you're lying to me, I'll put rocks in your pockets and I will throw you in the ocean.
- Jackie: You are going to make a great father one day. It's really Bruce!
- Van Wayne: Oh my God! How do I look?
- Jackie: Like you don't understand how a phone works.