The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (TV Series)
Carl Reiner/Catherine Deneuve (1981)
Johnny Carson: Self - Host, Carnac the Magnificent
Photos
Quotes
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Carnac the Magnificent : [holding envelope to forehead] Soak the poor.
Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "What is the goal of the jacuzzi salesman in Bangalore?"
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Carnac the Magnificent : [holding envelope to forehead] Cash in their chips.
Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "What do buffaloes do at the savings and loans?"
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Carnac the Magnificent : [holding envelope to forehead] The Elephant Man.
Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Who stole my peanuts, man?"
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Carnac the Magnificent : [holding envelope to forehead] Mechanical bucking bull.
Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "What do you get for a mechanical politician?"
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Carnac the Magnificent : May your daughter become betrothed to a Bedouin bed-wetter.
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Carnac the Magnificent : May a crazed supermocket- market-
[audience laughter]
Ed McMahon : What was that?
Carnac the Magnificent : May a crazed supermarket box boy double bag your sister.
[Ed and audience laugh]
Carnac the Magnificent : "Nobody can do it like McDonald can."
[opens envelope]
Carnac the Magnificent : "Why does Macdonald Carey's wife stay married?"
[groans from audience]
Ed McMahon : Would you like to pick up the one you threw away?
Carnac the Magnificent : ...Good night!
[runs off stage and behind the curtain]
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Carnac the Magnificent : [holding envelope to forehead] Screwdriver.
Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "What do you call a guy who delivers gas to your gas station?"