Family Guy (TV Series)

Peter's Sister (2015)

Mila Kunis: Meg Griffin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : Hi, Dad. Look, I-I just want you to know, I feel bad about what happened with you and Aunt Karen the other day.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, you mean when she put me in that no-bottom James Bond chair and assaulted my grundle?

  Meg Griffin : I didn't even know about that.

  Peter Griffin : Well, that's 'cause it didn't happen. I'd kick her ass if she tried something like that!

  Meg Griffin : Dad, stop. Even I can see that your sister's a huge bully. And trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.

  Peter Griffin : You do? How?

  [flashback to various times he's bullied her, to the accompaniment of Kool & the Gang's "Celebration"] 

  Peter Griffin : Man, I love that song.

• Meg Griffin : Dad, what I'm trying to tell you is I now see why you've been so tough on me all these years.

  Peter Griffin : 'Cause it makes my friends laugh?

  Peter Griffin : No, because that's how Aunt Karen treated you when you were a kid.

  [he gasps] 

  Peter Griffin : That's right. And that's why you need to confront Karen.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, no. Oh, no. No, I can't do that. I tried for years to stand up to her. Nothing ever worked.

  Meg Griffin : What, so now you're gonna quit? You can't quit. What if Muhammad Ali had quit?

  Muhammad Ali : [cut to the living room of his house]  Ah, my grandchildren! Who would like me to read them a book, or maybe paint their name on a grain of rice?

  Muhammad Ali's Wife : [entering with a tray of food]  Honey, dinnertime!

  Muhammad Ali : Ah, my favorite. Hot soup.

  [eating a spoonful] 

  Muhammad Ali : Right in there.

• Lois Griffin : [Peter's sister wants to visit for the holiday]  Peter, Karen's coming and that's that.

  Meg Griffin : How cool! I didn't even know I had an aunt. I can't wait to meet her.

  Peter Griffin : Look, I'm telling you guys, it's gonna be a disaster. Just like the alternate ending of "Back to the Future."

  [cut to Marty looking at the photograph of himself with his siblings] 

  Marty McFly : Well, if I'm gonna disappear into nothing, I might as well bang my mom. Hey, Lorraine, wait up!

  [as he drops the photograph, a distorted, mentally deficient version of himself appears] 

  Marty McFly : Hi! My name's Marty! I'm in a picture!

  [the final title card appears] 

  Marty McFly : "To be contondered!"

• Meg Griffin : Dad, I know you can stand up to Aunt Karen. And maybe if you finally do, she'll stop terrorizing you and you won't have to take it out on me for the rest of my life.

  Peter Griffin : You know what, Meg? You're right. I'm gonna do it!

  Meg Griffin : You are?

  Peter Griffin : Damn right!

  Meg Griffin : Yay, Dad!

  Peter Griffin : I am gonna become a lady wrestler and defeat Heavy Flo in the ring.

  Meg Griffin : Wait. What? No! What? I meant go talk to her.

  Peter Griffin : Nope, it's gotta be a lady wrestling match.

• Peter Griffin : [starting the yearly family Thanksgiving football game]  All right, listen up, I'm the captain. The teams are chosen by a lottery system where...

  Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen, can I be on your team?

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, yeah, me, too!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Uh, yeah, sure, I'll take, uh, Meg, Skinny, Hot Chocolate, and the Bus. Pee Pee, you get the crumbs. Let's go.

  Stewie Griffin : All right, let's do it, Pop! I'm gonna make some sports points for you!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : We'll kick off.

  Stewie Griffin : [as she kicks off, Peter catches it]  Hey, time-out. Did anyone tape the parade? Please tell me someone taped the parade!

  [giving Peter a hard shoulder tackle, Karen then puts him in a wrestling submission hold] 

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, my God! She's doing the Toxic Shock!

  Peter Griffin : [getting to his feet after she lets him go]  Y-Y-You're a j-jerk, K-K-Karen!

  Cleveland Brown : What the hell was that?

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : That's his stutter. And whenever he stutters, he usually pees his pants.

  Peter Griffin : N-No, I... . d-d-don't.

  [doing so, he groans] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh...

  Stewie Griffin : So this is football. I like it.

• Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : And then so I'm like, "Peter, how was I supposed to know you didn't want your teammates to know you wore a bra?"

  Peter Griffin : [laughter from the table]  It was a custom-designed sports halter top.

  Glenn Quagmire : More stories! More stories!

  Joe Swanson : Hey, tell one where Peter is a nincompoop or maybe a silly Billy.

  [laughing] 

  Joe Swanson : Oh, man.

  Peter Griffin : Okay, let's just carve the turkey.

  Meg Griffin : Oh, Aunt Karen already carved it.

  Peter Griffin : She did? But that's my thing. I always do my "Are you a leg man or a breast man?" joke.

  Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen did that, too. It was hilarious.

  Cleveland Brown : I never really got it until she said it.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, come say hello to your sister.

  Peter Griffin : Fine. Hey, Karen, welcome to our...

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Bring it in, Pee Pee!

  [as she farts in his face, she and the rest of the family laugh] 

  Meg Griffin : I like her.

• Peter Griffin : [in a wrestling match with his sister]  Ow! Damn it, Karen!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Karen? Peter, is that you? What are you doing here?

  Peter Griffin : Something I should have done a long time ago. I'm tired of you bullying me! You're going down!

  [responding to a vendor in the crowd] 

  Peter Griffin : Butt-scratcher!

  [somewhat evenly matched, she eventually locks him in the Toxic Shock] 

  Peter Griffin : D-D-D-Don't, K-K-Karen! N-N-No! Tell... Stewie... he's in charge of the show now.

  Meg Griffin : [knocking her down with a solid chair shot]  Say hello to Teen LaQueefa!

  Peter Griffin : Wow, you really saved me! Thanks, stranger.

  Meg Griffin : [taking off her mask]  Dad, it's me.

  Peter Griffin : Meg? It was you who saved me?

  Meg Griffin : That's right, Dad.

  Peter Griffin : Wow, e-even after all the crummy stuff I've done to you? But why?

  Meg Griffin : Because you're my dad. And I couldn't stand by and watch you get hurt.

  Peter Griffin : Wow. Thanks, Meg. You know, that's something even my own mom and dad never did for me. They just stood by and let Karen pick on me.

• Peter Griffin : You know, Meg, I'm really sorry I treated you so badly over the years. I guess I was taking out all the pain I felt on you.

  Meg Griffin : I understand. Better than anybody. But I still love you, Dad.

  Peter Griffin : I love you, too, Meg.

  [as they hug, a car pulls up and Stewie gets out, dressed like a pimp, accompanied by a woman in her underwear and a fur coat] 

  Stewie Griffin : Did somebody order a hot-ass bitch and this lady? Oh, you're alive. Sorry, I was told I was in charge now. Well, if you die, this is kind of the creative direction I'm leaning toward.

• Meg Griffin : Well, I'm proud of you, Dad. You finally stood up for yourself.

  Lois Griffin : So, Peter, have you talked to Karen?

  Peter Griffin : I called, like, four times, but she's not out of the coma yet. Apparently, they usually use fake chairs, but Meg used a real one.

  Lois Griffin : Do they think she's gonna survive?

  Peter Griffin : It could go either way.

  [answering his cell phone as it rings] 

  Peter Griffin : Hello? No, I think I'm a different blood type. No, I don't want to check.

  [hanging up] 

  Peter Griffin : Doctors say there's nothing they can do.

• Chris Griffin : Any flyers of Hispanic women running for city council?

  Meg Griffin : [surprised]  Yeah, there is!

  Chris Griffin : Thank you.