Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

The Haunted Mansion (2015)

Malcolm Ray: Porn Director, Announcer, Kanye West, Jim Evers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Seriously, Zod. What are you doing in this film?

  Zod : Well, remember when I said I did some movies in the past I wasn't very proud of?

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh. Well... yeah, but, I thought you meant, uh...

  Zod : What? Thought I meant what?

  Nostalgia Critic : I just kind of made the assumption that you... you...

  Zod : You thought I was doing porn, didn't you?

  Nostalgia Critic : It's just the way you're dressed, you know, I...

  Zod : No, no, no, no, no. I see. Just because a man wears all leather and exposes his man cleavage means he must be some sort of gentleman of the night!

  Nostalgia Critic : It's just most people outside of that industry don't usually dress that way.

  Zod : Well, according to The Matrix, all Houstonians dress this way. It doesn't mean I have sex for money!

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, okay. I'm sorry I made that assumption.

  [to his astonishment, a porn director and a porn actress walk by Zod] 

  Porn Director : Okay, Zod, ready when you are. Drop the pants, and let's get filming.

  [the Critic stares at Zod, who looks embarrassed] 

  Zod : Well, I'm doing it now! That's only because some opportunities have opened up for me!

  Nostalgia Critic : [incredulously]  Opportunities?

  Zod : Yes, apparently, when the Man of Steel lasers your balls off, everybody wants to see what it looks like. Might as well make a little cha-ching off of it.

  Nostalgia Critic : I'm gonna forget anything about your genitalia and get back to the review.

  Zod : Fine. I got work to do, too.

  [Zod leaves while zipping down his pants. The porn actress screams offscreen] 

  Zod : Well, I guess I should get used to that.