Death Battle (TV Series)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Battle Royale (2011)

Chad James: Boomstick - Host

Quotes 

• Wizard : Leonardo, the leader of the team is smart, strategic with a strong sense of honor.

  Boomstick : Too bad he traded his sense of humor for that sense of honor! This guy always means serious business! His weapon of choice is the ninjaken swords: Shorter, sturdier and straighter than an ordinary katana, and designed for swift deadly strikes! Out of all the Turtles' weapons, the ninjaken is the only one specifically designed to murder people! What's better than one ninjaken? Two, damn it!

  Wizard : In many timelines, Leonardo's the one who ultimately defeats the Shredder, though always with plenty of help. As leader, he is usually the one with a plan. He spends most of his time training his body and mind under his Master Splinter's instruction and follows Bushido, a strict Samurai code of honor and duty. At one point, he even fought and killed a sort of physical embodiment of the Devil.

  Boomstick : Giving Keanu Reeves a much needed break!

  Wizard : However, Leonardo finds it difficult to accept failure. Should things go horribly wrong, his concentration can quickly slip away from him, leaving him sloppy and imprecise.

  Boomstick : Leo doesn't like to lose.

• Wizard : Donatello is the brains of the bunch.

  Boomstick : He does machines!

  Wizard : Right, Boomstick. Somehow, he learned to operate and manipulate both human and alien technology without any formal education or budget whatsoever. He also speaks 100% fluent techno-babble.

  Donatello : The resulting intermit multi-polar flux should create the electromagnetic pulse!

  Boomstick : What the hell did I just hear? All that gibberish means he's probably trained less than the others, using more of his time for science!

  Wizard : Fortunately, his useful bo staff makes up for his lack of constant training. Durable oak and six feet long, the bo gives Donatello far more attack range than his other brothers.

  Boomstick : The range is nice, but it takes a lot of time and patience to kill anybody with a stick!

  Wizard : He's no expert strategist, that's Leonardo's turf, but Donatello's considered the most level-headed of the Turtles. Even with his time spent tinkering, he's still a very capable warrior, easily keeping up with his brothers and even killing the Shredder in an alternate dimension.

  Boomstick : An ass-kicking nerd? I don't believe it.

• Wizard : Michelangelo is the youngest of the turtles. He's lazy, undisciplined and easily distracted. He spends his free time playing video games, watching TV, reading comic books and eating pizza.

  Boomstick : That turtle is fucked up!

  Wizard : What?

  Boomstick : Come on, you can't tell me that that turtle is not on drugs!

  Wizard : I don't know, I always thought he was dropped as a kid.

  Boomstick : Okay, look! He has all the signs! Strange eating habits, inability to pay attention, incoherent phrases...

  Wizard : Moving on, his weapon of choice...

  Boomstick : The bong!

  Wizard : No, the nunchaku, isn't really a weapon at all. It's a farming tool for threshing grain. These "weapons" are unnecessarily overcomplicated clubs with the effectiveness of a tattered flyswatter. Yet SOMEHOW, Michelangelo has been able to blunder his way through fights to victories he really doesn't deserve!

  Boomstick : He even beat Raph once.

  Wizard : Sure, I get it, swinging chucks around gives him momentum to hit with them, blah, blah, blah, but in the end, a baseball bat will give you the same effect and more with much less effort! Seriously, who came up with these things? They're preposterous!

  Boomstick : You're prepostemous! I don't know.

  Wizard : And, for some reason, in all his infinite wisdom, the great master Splinter gave the most complicated weapon to the retard of the group! WHY?

  Boomstick : Mikey's not gonna win this fight, is he?

  Wizard : He'd better not.

• Boomstick : Raph is cool but crude! Hell, forget crude, this guy's borderline psycho!

  Wizard : Sure to throw the first punch, Raphael is certainly the most vicious of the team. He's constantly butting heads with the others and challenging Leonardo's leadership.

  Boomstick : He uses twin sai, which is like a combination of a pitchfork, dagger and Wolverine's claws!

  Wizard : Like the nunchuk, they also humbly began as a farming tool but were re-evaluated to counter the oppressive samurai.

  Boomstick : They're best used as a close ranged offensive weapon. The triple prongs are designed to block, trap and control an opponent's weapon, while using the pummel to beat the enemy into submission. Raph's sai can even snap swords!

  Wizard : Raphael is not exactly the smartest fighter, usually rushing into a brawl without a plan and just overpowering a foe. Because of this, Raphael spends much of his time honing his combat skills. It is very likely he is physically the strongest turtle.

  Boomstick : Also, this guy's in some serious need of anger management!

  Wizard : He is naturally hot-headed and sometimes loses control of his rage. He is much more vicious than the other turtles and, at one point in the comics, even became the Shredder himself.