- Malcolm: [Watches the "WB Yourself" commercial from Kids WB] "Dear god. I dress just like this kid! And Ace Ventura."
- Malcolm: "Hey there lady! Is that a mirror in your pocket? Or can I just see myself in your shorts?"
- Chris the Redneck: [Walks into a river]
- Malcolm: [Sarcastically] Is it cold down there?
- Chris the Redneck: Why don't you get your fat ass down here and find out!
- Malcolm: [Excited] Oh look, another letter!
- [Opens up a letter from Santa]
- Santa Claus: Dear Malcolm. You don't get the one ring of Sauron. You Get NOTHING! All you have done is swear and slap people around. That is by FAR the naughtiest thing I can think of! i hope you've learned your lesson. Santa Claus. Ho ho ho!
- Malcolm: WHAT A FAT F***!
- Malcolm: Gak made a comeback, Surge made a comeback, French Toast Crunch made a comeback, Gas is under $2, the Cowboys are in the Play-Offs! Is time going in reverse!
- Nickelodeon Announcer: And now, back to Nickelodeon's "Breadwinners"!
- Malcolm: Nope, Nickelodeon still sucks. When was it that Nickelodeon just GAVE UP?
- Rhino: Until then, Nickelodeon... we will keep making fun of you until you return to your former glory.
- Chase: Well... you guys are pitiful.
- Malcolm: How?
- Chase: You are grown ass men!
- Malcolm: Yes. Yes, we are.
- Chase: But yet, you're... complaining over a... children's channel?
- Rhino: You're defending Nickelodeon?
- Chase: Oh god no. I'm just saying that Nickelodeon is trying to entertain the children of today. You know... modern times?
- Rhino: [Rhino and Malcolm have an epiphany] So...
- Malcolm: We have to move on.
- Rhino: We have to grow up.
- Malcolm: We have to mature.
- Rhino: And let the past go.
- Rhino and Malcolm: [They are silent for at least 3 seconds until they look at Chase] F*** THAT SH**!
- Malcolm: Hey, would you rather it be summer or winter?
- Rhino: [With enthusiasm] WINTER!
- Taz: [Sprays Rhino with a garden hose]
- Malcolm & Taz: Wrong answer!
- Quik: And then I said, "No! Don't stick your dick in the toaster! It'll make your toast taste funny!"