- Jeff Malone: And who do you actually think is better at determining whether a guy is guilty of insider trading, Louis -- a career prosecutor for the S.E.C. or a monkey in some Italian suit?
- Louis Litt: [scoffs] A monkey?
- Jeff Malone: Monkey.
- Louis Litt: Well, you're nothing but a crowing cock -- and the last cock that walked into my office learned what all the other cocks learned: that I eat cock for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
- Jeff Malone: Louis, you're gonna let me in that deposition tomorrow whether you like it or not.
- Louis Litt: Why, because you're gonna run to Jessica?
- Jeff Malone: No, simply because I'm gonna tell everyone here in the office that you said you eat cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- Louis Litt: Yeah, that's right. It's goddamn delicious. Mm! Mm, mm!
- [licks fingertips then barks]
- Harvey Specter: Donna, tell Paul Porter he's meeting me for lunch. When he gets there, tell them to seat him with Jeff Malone.
- Donna Paulsen: Who's he not having lunch with?
- Harvey Specter: Jessica.
- Donna Paulsen: Oh, done.
- Harvey Specter: Aren't you gonna ask me why?
- Donna Paulsen: She asked you to go because she didn't want to. You're sending Porter because you don't want to, but you didn't have the balls to say no to her face. Is that it?
- Harvey Specter: The balls are debatable.
- Donna Paulsen: Balls are never debatable.
- Jessica Pearson: You are having lunch with Jeff Malone today.
- Harvey Specter: Come on, Jessica. You banged him. The least you could do is take him to lunch.
- Jessica Pearson: That is not funny.
- Harvey Specter: Wait a second, you want ME to take him to lunch BECAUSE you banged him.
- Jessica Pearson: Harvey... I want you to go ahead and say 'banged' to my face one more time.
- Harvey Specter: Okay, I'm not going to, but not because I'm scared of you.
- Jessica Pearson: Whatever lets you sleep at night, white boy.
- Rachel Zane: Saw you scheduled a meeting with Mike. I assume that means you're going to offer him a deal.
- Harvey Specter: It could mean I'm going to offer him a trip to Disneyland.
- Rachel Zane: But it doesn't.
- Harvey Specter: Of course not, he'd probably want to wear mouse ears, and then nobody wins. You're welcome.
- Louis Litt: Holy shit. What did... what did I just do?
- Katrina Bennett: I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna stop writing in that pussy diary, and you're gonna show Jessica you're the one who should be sitting in that corner office.
- Louis Litt: All right. Ready the dictaphone. We're gonna need it.
- Mike Ross: Where's your client?
- Harvey Specter: He doesn't need to be here. This fight started with you and me, so let's you and me settle it right now.
- Mike Ross: You mean you don't want him here because you don't think Logan Sanders and I can be in the same room.
- Harvey Specter: I don't think. I know.
- Mike Ross: Harvey, I'm a grown man. I can sit across the table from somebody who had a history with Rachel.
- Harvey Specter: Maybe, but you both have a brain and a dick, and if you get in that room together, the brains aren't gonna be leading that conversation.
- Louis Litt: I'm writing in my diary.
- Katrina Bennett: Isn't that what your dictaphone is for?
- Louis Litt: No, my dictaphone is for my singular triumphs, like when Harvey told me I was the man, and my diary is for my most agonizing defeats, such as when Jessica just told me I'll never make name partner.
- Katrina Bennett: Louis, she didn't say that.
- Louis Litt: Well, she might as well have. She just gave Malone the corner office.
- Rachel Zane: Wait a minute. If you... if you broke privilege, what are you gonna tell the judge?
- Harvey Specter: I don't know, but until i think of something, i'm going to confuse the shit out of everyone I can.
- Todd: Okay, I am lying to you, but, please, you gotta help me.
- Louis Litt: Well, we want to, but, T-Dog, you gotta be straight up with your homies if you want us to have your back.
- Donna Paulsen: How long you been working on that?
- Rachel Zane: Two hours.
- Donna Paulsen: You know it's called a brief, right?
- Rachel Zane: You know his name's Harvey, right?
- Donna Paulsen: You make a compelling argument.
- Louis Litt: He doesn't stop lyiin to me, I'm gonna cut him looser than Jared's pants after a Subway diet.