Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• [the episode is shot to look like a 3D video. Snob looks at the slightly distorted version of himself and exclaims] 

  Cinema Snob : Oh my God, oh my God, what has happened to me? I've become part of that 3D craze that I *hate* so much... even though it's incredibly easy for me to watch the 2D versions of things, I still feel the need to bitch about a gimmick that I don't even watch!

• Cinema Snob : Even the posters give me a fucking headache...

  [Posters of My Bloody Valentine and The Final Destination are shown] 

  Cinema Snob : Wait, no, not this era of 3D; I am talking about the early '80s 3D craze.

  [Posters of Friday the 13th Part III, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone and The Man Who Wasn't There are shown] 

  Cinema Snob : The most memorable instances, of course, being Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone and The Man Who Wasn't There! You hear that? Not even the Coen brothers could escape the 3D boom!

• Cinema Snob : But with this hi-tech camerawork, people on Youtube can stop complaining to me about the quality of my videos and instead they can complain that the video's not in 2D! Speaking of which, will there be a 2D version of this episode?

  [Grabs a bullhorn, points it towards the camera and talks through it] 

  Cinema Snob : NOPE! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, that's a whole lot of NOPE!

• Cinema Snob : The DVD comes with not one but *two* pairs of 3D glasses. Who cares about your third friend anyway? He sucks! I only have *one* pair of special 3D glasses... largely because I am very, very lonely.

• Cinema Snob : The opening reminds you that the film is rated R. I would say, "What the fuck else would it be rated?" but nowadays it's kind of a crap shoot.

• [Opening credit: A Jason Inc. Production] 

  Cinema Snob : What a co-incidence - it's a Jason Inc. production. The Michael Myers Inc. people wanted no part of this!

• Cinema Snob : Funny, too, how it's called Jason Inc. on the one Friday the 13th film where, aside from stock footage, no one calls him Jason!

• [the footage of climax from Friday the 13th Part II is shown] 

  Cinema Snob : [VO as Jason]  Wait a minute - this 20-something hot blonde thing isn't my mom?

• [the footage from Friday the 13th Part II - which is in plain 2D - ends] 

  Cinema Snob : That's it? Where the fuck was the 3D?

  [Points his finger at the camera] 

  Cinema Snob : I'm going to point at you to let you know how serious I am right now!

• Cinema Snob : Originally, at the end of Part II, Jason's mom's eyes were supposed to open but it was deemed too stupid. I'm glad this one goes the more realistic route by having opening credits pop put of her eyes!

• Cinema Snob : We open with Bob of Bob's Burgers knocking over a pole so he can do this:

  [the man is shown pointing the pole dangerously close to the camera] 

  Cinema Snob : [VO as the man]  Steady... easy... don't exactly want to hit the camera...

• [Bottom half of a man sitting on a toilet comes into view] 

  Cinema Snob : You know, I am sort of glad that not everything in this movie is thrown at the camera.

  [Referring to the crates of Coca Cola lying beside the toilet] 

  Cinema Snob : And Pepsi paid good money to put Coke next to the guy taking a shit!

• Andy (Jeffrey Rogers) : What would a weekend in country be without sex?

  Cinema Snob : Well, first of all, you would be the movie's survivor.

• [Debbie, played by Tracie Savage, mentions her pregnancy] 

  Cinema Snob : She's pregnant? Well, thanks, movie, now I know that she's gonna survive! Oh, wait... this is an 80s slasher film - she is so dead.