- Snow White: Welcome to the Princess Summit, where we address the complex political issues facing our kingdoms.
- Rapunzel: Hairstyles.
- Cinderella: Talking pets.
- Tiana: Hairstyles FOR our talking pets!
- Ariel: Crabs.
- [everyone stares at her]
- Ariel: I've got crabs.
- Snow White: And where is our newest princess?
- [Merida enters carrying a dead boar with purple blood]
- Merida: Ach! Sorry I'm late. I killed a boar on the way here.
- Aurora: [disgusted] Oh, you're so feminist and empowered. Great.
- Merida: 'Ey, wee beastie! Have we got to grievances yet? A bunch of wee dwarfs are illegally mining me territory.
- Snow White: Oh, Merida, you have far bigger problems. Let me tell you about them.
- Merida: Not a damn song...
- Snow White: [sings] Here's a list of things to drop / Your accent, bow, that tangled mop / Fifteen pounds from off your hips / Those ginger afros 'neath your pits / And no prince will want to mingle / With a girl with no hit single!
- Cinderella: And your pet's hair is a disaster.
- Merida: That's me mother! She's a bear! The trailer was very misleading! I came here looking for justice; instead, I found treachery. Prepare yourself for war.
- Mulan: [follows Merida] Someone finally said it! See you on the killing fields, round eyes.
- Belle: [follows Merida] Amen, sister.
- Tiana: [follows Merida] Stuck-up bitches!
- [Rapunzel follows too]
- Snow White: Oh, that Merida! I'll show her.
- Snow White: We need weapons.
- Cinderella: I've got a guy.
- [the Fairy Godmother appears]
- Snow White: Oh, good idea. We'll fight them with magic.
- Fairy Godmother: [laying bag of assault weapons on table] Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo, that's twenty grand.
- Ariel: Do you need thingamabobs? I've got thingamabobs.
- Jasmine: Nobody cares about the dildo collection you dredged up from the Atlantic, you fishy bitch!
- [Ariel runs away crying]
- Jasmine: ...Anyone else have cold tits?
- Ariel: [shows off a bomb] Look, everyone! I brought my thingamabob! My weapons-grade thingamabob!
- Cinderella: Oh, you just don't know what words are. That's NOT your thing.
- [the bomb timer goes off]
- Princesses: Run away! Run away!
- Sebastian: [singing] Bend over and grab your ankles!
- [boom]
- [Pac-Man is teaching a class in front of some Pac-Children]
- Pac-Man: The female anatomy looks like this.
- [Pac-Man shows a photo of Ms. Pac-Man who has a pink bow on her head. The Pac-Kids start to giggle]
- Pac-Man: Come on guys, let's try to be mature here.
- Pac-Kid: [referring to the bow] It's pink.
- [giggles]
- Snow White: Not all of us will live to wish upon a star tonight, but we give our lives for greater good.
- Aurora: [yawns] Oh dear, I think I'm getting sleepy. I'm gonna have to sit this one out, guys.
- Snow White: Don't you pull that shit now!
- Aurora: Just teasing.