Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (TV Series)
Kimmy Goes Outside! (2015)
Jane Krakowski: Jacqueline Voorhees
Quotes
-
Jacqueline Voorhees : [to Kimmy after showing up late for work] This is strike three.
Kimmy Schmidt : What were strikes one and two? Has baseball changed?
-
Jacqueline Voorhees : [answering her door] Thank God. Are you the dog masseuse?
Kimmy Schmidt : No. Ma'am, I found your son.
Jacqueline Voorhees : Buckley? Where's Hunong?
Buckley Voorhees : She never picked me up, so I was just walking home.
Kimmy Schmidt : Liar!
Jacqueline Voorhees : I'm sorry, and you work for the school?
Kimmy Schmidt : No.
Jacqueline Voorhees : So you're an Uber driver.
Kimmy Schmidt : No.
Jacqueline Voorhees : So you *are* the dog masseuse?
-
Jacqueline Voorhees : [giving Kimmy the details of her new job] It's $17 an hour cash, under the table. You'll need to sign an NDA and a DNR. Do you get sick in helicopters?
Kimmy Schmidt : I never have.
Jacqueline Voorhees : You'll need to be here by six every morning to get Buckley up for school. Then get me up at ten, but don't wake me up.
Kimmy Schmidt : Can I just say how grateful I am for this opportunity?
Jacqueline Voorhees : I'm sorry. What is your name?
Kimmy Schmidt : Oh, it's Kimmy.
Jacqueline Voorhees : Kimmy. Are you good at braiding hair?
Kimmy Schmidt : I'm awesome at it.
Jacqueline Voorhees : Fantastic! Of course, you'll have to meet the horses first.
[takes a bottle of water out of the fridge]
Jacqueline Voorhees : Do you want a water?
Kimmy Schmidt : No thanks.
Jacqueline Voorhees : Okay.
[throws the bottle into a wastebasket and gestures to Charles]
Jacqueline Voorhees : This is Charles; he's a tutor. He'll help you do Buckley's homework. Also, it's Buckley's birthday tomorrow, so you'll need to make a cake that's cute but also paleo.
[hands Kimmy her dog]
Jacqueline Voorhees : Swedish, ninety minutes, medium pressure. I'm going to bed.
-
Jacqueline Voorhees : Actually, Buckley, this isn't your worst birthday ever. Your worst birthday ever was when you busted my genitals.