- Morty Jnr: I'd rather breathe poison than live another day with you!
- [He can breathe fine]
- Morty Jnr: My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government is lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus' birthday wasn't on Christmas, they moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!
- Beth Smith: [Morty Junior's book is called "My Terrible Father"] It's a thankless task, Morty. You did the best you could.
- Morty: ...I hope he's eating enough.
- Jerry Smith: I'm intervening.
- Beth Smith: Intervening in puberty? You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon!
- Rick: Where's the sex robot, Morty?
- Morty: [points to a floating metal sphere] That IS Gwendolyn! I, I mean, the robot! She started beeping, transformed, and tried to fly away!
- Rick: Strange, that's usually the man's job. You know what I'm talking about, Morty? Wubba-lubba-dub-dub! Morty! That's my catchphrase, remember? Remember, remember how I, how I cemented that catchphrase?