Jessie (TV Series)
G.I. Jessie (2013)
Karan Brar: Ravi Ross
Quotes
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Darla Shannon : [sees Jessie splattered in food and approaches her] Jessie?
[walks over to Jessie's table]
Darla Shannon : Jessie Prescott, is that you?
[chuckles]
Darla Shannon : I see you're still having trouble with your table manners!
Jessie Prescott : [annoyed] Hey Darla.
[sarcastically]
Jessie Prescott : Nice to see you too.
Zuri Ross : *That's* Darla? She doesn't look like a witch!
Jessie Prescott : Oh yeah? Throw some water on her and we can send her home in a bucket!
Darla Shannon : [Jessie and Darla laugh slightly] I see you're still babysitting! What happened to that big acting career you were gonna have?
Jessie Prescott : Oh, it's... it's going well. It just takes time.
Darla Shannon : Talent might help too. Meanwhile, I've been travelling all over the world as a flight attendant!
Jessie Prescott : Really? Cuz, I heard you were on the Galveston to Amarillo run. Luckily, I don't have a job where I have to run around waiting on people!
Ravi Ross : Jessie, I need milk!
Luke Ross : Jessie, take my tray!
Zuri Ross : Jessie, my nose is still runny!
Darla Shannon : At least they're calling you. Unlike *all* the boys in high school!
Luke Ross : [approaching Darla, annoyed] Hey, that's my lady you're talking to!
Darla Shannon : You finally did catch a man! But this one's so small, you might wanna throw him back!
-
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : [Jessie's dad has caught out Jessie and the kids; after seeing Luke, Zuri and Ravi stick goo onto Darla and sticking her to the wall] JESSIE!
Col. Beverly Shannon : [seeing Darla stuck to the wall] Oh, my stars and stripes! Dar-Dar, is that you?
Darla Shannon : [stuck to the wall in goo] Yes, Mummy! Look what they did to me!
Col. Beverly Shannon : Oh, dear! You look like one of those hideous aliens from Area 51!
[Jessie, the kids, Darla and Jessie's dad look at her weirdly, with a brief pause]
Col. Beverly Shannon : Which completely does not exist.
[gives them a threatening stare and points at them]
Col. Beverly Shannon : And if any of you dare to mention this conversation, there will be a probing in your future!
[the kids look at each other]
Jessie Prescott : [Jessie looks at her dad, worried] Dad, I know what you're thinking; but, any time there's trouble,
[points at Darla]
Jessie Prescott : Darla is the one who starts it!
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : [looks at the kids, in the B.A.T; and Darla stuck to the wall] So did she start this?
Jessie Prescott : [looks at the kids and Darla awkwardly] OK, maybe this time is a bad example.
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : I've asked you to try and get along with Darla, but instead, you attack her with experimental weaponry?
Jessie Prescott : [Jessie has had enough of her dad forcing her to get along with Darla] Why do you care so much if I get along with Darla? After this trip, I'll never have to see her again!
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : Oh, yes, you will, because you and Darla are going to be *sisters*!
Jessie Prescott : [Jessie is shocked at the thought of becoming Darla's step-sister] WHAT?
Col. Beverly Shannon : [looking at Jessie and Darla] That's right, girls. My armored heart has been captured by this
[looking at J.W]
Col. Beverly Shannon : uniformed yum-yum!
[Beverly and J.W smooch in front of Jessie and Darla and both of them express looks of disgust]
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : So, we wanted you to become friends before we told you, but now, we're out of time.
[looking at Beverly, smiling]
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : Our wedding is tomorrow.
Jessie Prescott : [shocked and confused] Wait, tomorrow? As in... the day after today?
Col. Beverly Shannon : Yes, if I can wait that long.
[looking into space]
Col. Beverly Shannon : The only man I've had in my life for the last 10 years is Uncle Sam.
[doing the Uncle Sam pose at J.W]
Col. Beverly Shannon : Now I want *you*!
Jessie Prescott : [shocked] Wait, so, *that's* why you wanted me to come home?
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : Yes! And that's why I invited *you*
[looking at the kids]
Lt. Colonel John Wayne 'J.W.' Prescott : , not these little threats to national security! Now, get out of my B.A.T! I had the seat just where I liked it!
Ravi Ross : [the kids slowly start to get out of the B.A.T] We are extremely sorry, sir. Even though I did not do anything, and it was all Luke's fault.
[Ravi accidentally presses a button on the B.A.T and it foams both J.W and Beverly]
Ravi Ross : OK, that one is on me. By the way, for the wedding; can you put me down for a vegetarian meal?
[Beverly and JW look at the kids in horror, trying to get the foam off]
-
Bertram : [opening lines] No! No! *NO!*
Jessie Prescott : You just have to watch the kids for one measly weekend.
[begging Bertram]
Jessie Prescott : Please?
Bertram : No! Walking away. Don't follow!
[Jessie walks behind Bertram]
Bertram : You're following.
Jessie Prescott : Bertram, it's a big deal that my dad invited me home! He was *really* mad when I left for New York instead of joining the military.
Bertram : Just think how glad the military was.
Jessie Prescott : Please! This is my chance to clear the air with him and prove that I made the right decision!
Bertram : By being a failed actress and a mediocre nanny?
[Bertram chuckles to himself]
Jessie Prescott : OK, I may not have joined the military; but I can still still snap your windpipe with one finger.
[Jessie holds up her pinky finger at Bertram]
Bertram : [referring to the children] Better that than taking care of *those* monsters!
Jessie Prescott : Please! They're such good kids! What could possibly go wrong?
Emma Ross : [cutting to the Ross kids firing a rocket and beginning a countdown in the lounge room] Three!
Luke Ross : Two!
Ravi Ross : One!
Zuri Ross : BLAST OFF!
[Ravi launches the rocket, and then it hits the roof; and the water tower; getting Jessie and Bertram all wet]
Bertram : [pointing at the roof; and the water tower that got blown up by the rocket] That.
Luke Ross : [staring at the roof] I can't believe we blew up the water tower.
[pause]
Luke Ross : AWESOME!
[Jessie stares at the kids, shocked]
Emma Ross : Ravi, you said it would only go up 15 feet!
Ravi Ross : Oops! It turns out rocket science is as difficult as... well, rocket science!
[Jessie looks at Ravi, all wet, thinking "You think?"]
Zuri Ross : On the plus side, now we have a skylight!
Ravi Ross : [to Jessie, thinking she was going to send them to their rooms] Jessie, please do not send us to our rooms. Especially since the structure of the roof has been compromised.
Jessie Prescott : [getting every bit of debris and water out of her hair and letting the kids know about their punishment] Oh, you're not going to your rooms! You're going to spend the weekend on a military base. In Texas!
Emma Ross : [in horror at the thought of going to Texas and yelling at the roof and echoing] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[it echoes through the penthouse and throughout New York City]
-
Darla Shannon : [Darla stands up to the podium; delivering her speech] OK. Um, I am so glad that my mum is marrying J.W.
[looks at Jessie]
Darla Shannon : I have always admired his daughter, Jessie.
Jessie Prescott : [to the soldier next to her at the table, under her breath] Wait for it...
Darla Shannon : [continues her speech] Not everyone could fail so miserably at acting, and still has the courage to keep trying; even though she keeps getting rejected over, and over and *over*!
Jessie Prescott : [under her breath] And there it is!
Darla Shannon : Kind of like the way she was rejected by all the boys in high school! She was so unpopular, that even the vending machines rejected her quarters!
Jessie Prescott : [shoving Darla out of the way, delivering her speech] OK! Alright, thank you, Darla!
[sarcastically]
Jessie Prescott : That was fascinating! Just like your stories about collecting barf bags at 30,000 feet! And your "how to put on a seatbelt" speech is always a big hit at parties!
Darla Shannon : [shoving Jessie out of the way, continues her speech] OK, and I know whenever I need advice, Jessie will always be there, because Lord knows, she's never out on a *date*!
Jessie Prescott : [shoves Darla out of the way, continues her speech]
[clapping sarcastically]
Jessie Prescott : Let's hear it for Darla Shannon! If her name sounds familiar, it's probably because you wrote a complaint letter to an airline about her!
[Jessie and Darla mock laugh, and then scowl at each other]
Luke Ross : [while Darla and Jessie are trading insults at the rehearsal brunch, Luke, Zuri and Ravi are doing wheelies in the B.A.T] THIS IS AWESOME!
Zuri Ross : [Zuri whoops and shouts] THIS IS FUN!
Ravi Ross : [Ravi hands on for dear life in fear] THIS IS GOING TO BE THE DAY I DIE! AND I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO PUBERTY!
[the kids hit the brakes and they stop near the mess hall, where the rehearsal brunch is taking place]
Jessie Prescott : [10 minutes later, the insults between Jessie and Darla continue] You should've seen Darla's face in high school! The moon had less craters! Then again, the moon didn't eat four personal pan pizzas for lunch every day!
Darla Shannon : [shoving Jessie out of the way] OK, at least I didn't have to eat with the cafeteria lady!
Jessie Prescott : [shoving Darla out of the way] Olga was a sparkling conversationalist! At least, I assume so. I don't speak Russian.