Jessie (TV Series)
G.I. Jessie (2013)
Kevin Chamberlin: Bertram
Quotes
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Bertram : I never thought of anyone coming back for seconds of *your* gruel!
Corporal Cookie : [groans] I don't get it! What does your food have that mine doesn't?
Bertram : Hmm, flavour, texture, fewer fingernails.
Jessie Prescott : [coming to the kitchen, upset] I need 3 gallons of Neapolitan and a weapons grade spoon!
Bertram : Sorry, tonight's dessert is mini fruit compote.
Jessie Prescott : That'll do!
[Jessie takes one of the trays of compote and starts stuffing her face, and sits on one of the large food tins]
Jessie Prescott : You're not gonna believe what's going on!
Bertram : I'm not gonna care either, I'm busy!
Jessie Prescott : I came here to smooth things over with my dad, but all he seems to care about is if I connect with *Darla*! When all I wanna do is connect her face to a hornet's nest.
Bertram : [sees Corporal Cookie ladle the chicken with sauce] NO!
Jessie Prescott : I'm not actually gonna do it! It wouldn't be fair to the hornets.
Bertram : I meant, no, don't *drown* my chicken in sauce, *drizzle* it!
Corporal Cookie : Oh, you mean like this?
[she flicks sauce on Bertram and it lands on Jessie's shoes]
Jessie Prescott : Hey! You spilled that on my fake designer shoes! You owe me 20 bucks! Plus shipping.
[she stuffs the rest of the compote in her mouth]
Corporal Cookie : Does this one ever stop yakking about her problems?
Bertram : No. Just wait til she starts in about her ex-boyfriends!
Corporal Cookie : She's single? I'm *shocked*!
[Bertram and Corporal Cookie laugh loudly to themselves]
Jessie Prescott : [sarcastically] Thanks for the sympathy.
[stuffs another compote in her mouth]
Bertram : Hey, take it easy! I only made 3,000 of those!
[tries to take the tray away from Jessie, but Jessie pulls it away]
-
Bertram : [opening lines] No! No! *NO!*
Jessie Prescott : You just have to watch the kids for one measly weekend.
[begging Bertram]
Jessie Prescott : Please?
Bertram : No! Walking away. Don't follow!
[Jessie walks behind Bertram]
Bertram : You're following.
Jessie Prescott : Bertram, it's a big deal that my dad invited me home! He was *really* mad when I left for New York instead of joining the military.
Bertram : Just think how glad the military was.
Jessie Prescott : Please! This is my chance to clear the air with him and prove that I made the right decision!
Bertram : By being a failed actress and a mediocre nanny?
[Bertram chuckles to himself]
Jessie Prescott : OK, I may not have joined the military; but I can still still snap your windpipe with one finger.
[Jessie holds up her pinky finger at Bertram]
Bertram : [referring to the children] Better that than taking care of *those* monsters!
Jessie Prescott : Please! They're such good kids! What could possibly go wrong?
Emma Ross : [cutting to the Ross kids firing a rocket and beginning a countdown in the lounge room] Three!
Luke Ross : Two!
Ravi Ross : One!
Zuri Ross : BLAST OFF!
[Ravi launches the rocket, and then it hits the roof; and the water tower; getting Jessie and Bertram all wet]
Bertram : [pointing at the roof; and the water tower that got blown up by the rocket] That.
Luke Ross : [staring at the roof] I can't believe we blew up the water tower.
[pause]
Luke Ross : AWESOME!
[Jessie stares at the kids, shocked]
Emma Ross : Ravi, you said it would only go up 15 feet!
Ravi Ross : Oops! It turns out rocket science is as difficult as... well, rocket science!
[Jessie looks at Ravi, all wet, thinking "You think?"]
Zuri Ross : On the plus side, now we have a skylight!
Ravi Ross : [to Jessie, thinking she was going to send them to their rooms] Jessie, please do not send us to our rooms. Especially since the structure of the roof has been compromised.
Jessie Prescott : [getting every bit of debris and water out of her hair and letting the kids know about their punishment] Oh, you're not going to your rooms! You're going to spend the weekend on a military base. In Texas!
Emma Ross : [in horror at the thought of going to Texas and yelling at the roof and echoing] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[it echoes through the penthouse and throughout New York City]