Lewis Black: Old Yeller - Live at the Borgata (2013 TV Special)

Lewis Black: Self

Quotes 

• Lewis Black : My father worked for the government for a number of years, retired at the age of 55, and then at the age of 60, began to paint, and he painted until he was 83, at which time, he quit painting. And I said, "Why have you stopped?", and he said, one of the greatest things I've ever anyone who's done art say, "I've run out of ideas."

• Lewis Black : I've got two friends. They live in North Carolina and they teach. Full-time jobs. Full-time fucking jobs. Friday comes, they get in the car with the four kids and drive them two, three hundred miles to stay in Motel What-the-fuck, okay? A place where you can get cramps and typhus and God knows what else. And why do they do that? So that they can wake up Saturday morning for THE SOCCER FUCKING TOURNAMENT! ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Eight-year-olds, ten-year-olds, twelve-year-olds playing soccer? Goddamn it! I would rather take a fork and scratch my eye! What a fun thing, huh? Hours of that shit! "Get up, Johnny, you fuck, get up!" Then if they win, they gotta stay around Sunday! Somebody shitting me? And then they drive home and they drive back to work!

• Lewis Black : My parents' generation passed onto my generation Social Security, and it seems that we were supposed to pass that on. And, um, I wish somebody had told us. There were no memos, nothing. You know, the big argument will be going on and on and on about how to make Social Security work. And the Democrats and Republicans will tell you whatever they want to about it, and you can believe whatever you want about it.

• Lewis Black : If you know anyone, and they tell you they work at home, you can tell them, "You're full of shit." I'll tell you what they're doing: they're masturbating. And how do I know this? Because I work at home. Yes. Yep, and it's nothing pornographic, and it's nothing erotic. The thing is, when you work at home, at some point during the day, you want to feel like you've accomplished something.

• Lewis Black : Three channels wasn't enough, was it? Hence, cable was born. And now, according to Time Warner Cable in New York, I have 1,997 channels and nothing to fucking watch.

• Lewis Black : Earth Day was created when I was in school and we were doing a lot of drugs. So we came up Earth Day, so we'd have one day every year that would remind us what planet we were living on.

• Lewis Black : Let's clear up some shit about Earth Day right now. Earth Day was created when I was in school and we were doing a lot of drugs. So we came up with Earth Day so we'd have one day every year to remind us what planet we were living on.