- Jeanie Cooper: Now, you're either with me, or you ain't!
- Carol: Shit, Jeanie! You know, fuck it! We've already shared everything else in life. We might as well share a prison cell too.
- Jeanie Cooper: That's my girl. Now take me to church.
- Carol: Seriously?
- Jeanie Cooper: Shut up.
- Carol: We gotta go to the sheriff. We gotta tell him.
- Jeanie Cooper: Tell him what, Carol? That my husband's been abducted by a giant furry rabbit? And I just... just shiskebabed one of its demon minions?
- Carol: Fair point!
- Jeanie Cooper: Agnes Turner. Listen to this: "Dearest Lord, my poor sweet children are riddled with the pox. Each day short and precious. Easter is but a week away and I'd do anything to make it special for them. I confess... I've bartered my soul to Satan."
- Carol: Shit, that's a good mom right there.
- Mary Lou: Another successful fish fry?
- Annie Sue: No one even noticed they was frozen fish sticks from the Food Mart.
- Mary Lou: And no one even noticed your Botox, Annie Sue. Maybe by next Easter, eyebrows will be able to move again. Now go feed Big Jackie before you leave. He must be hand fed, he doesn't eat off the ground unlike you, you dirty, dirty tramp.
- Annie Sue: I may be a tramp, but at least I don't covet thy neighbor's husband. Pretty sure that's one of the big ten.
- Mary Lou: You know what, Jeanie, maybe you should spend a little less time playing detective and a little more time saving that failing marriage of yours. Lest Lance comes looking for greener pastures.
- Jeanie Cooper: You know what, Mary Lou? You're right.
- Jeanie Cooper: Where's my husband, rabbit?
- Megan: I ain't no rabbit!
- Carol: Prove it, bunny bitch!
- Megan: We hunt the same game. Now put those scissors down, Jeanie, before I alter your ass like a loose patching gown.
- Jeanie Cooper: Megan Jennings?
- Megan: In the flesh.
- Jeanie Cooper: I thought you moved to Wyoming.
- Carol: I also heard you're vegan now. And you know what else is vegan? Rabbits!
- Megan: I came back to kill that motherfucker. But if y'all wanna stand in my way, go right ahead. I ain't got no problem starting with the both of you.
- Carol: Oh, Miss Teen Walburg over here talking shit.
- Megan: Come with me if you cottontails wanna live.
- Carol: Uh-huh. Whatever you say.
- Jeanie Cooper: Yeah, okay.
- Pastor: I warned all of you. Now have a taste of of God's justice. I implore you all to cease your sinful ways.
- Mary Lou: Sinful? We've been celebrating His glory.
- Pastor: Open your eyes, Mary Lou. God is not happy.
- Mary Lou: God better be happy 'cause I have been working my ass off for him.
- Pastor: We will be all punished. It is the end of days.
- Carol: Hey! Stop it! Or I'm gonna shove these baskets so far up your rectums you would shit liquid for a month.
- Carol: Oh, Mr. Mayor. Just the scumbag we were hoping to see.
- Mayor Lou: Ladies, to what do I owe this pleasure?
- Jeanie Cooper: Hi, Lou.
- Carol: Oh, Lou, is it?
- Jeanie Cooper: We're here as concerned citizens.
- Mayor Lou: Oh, I see.
- Jeanie Cooper: I... We think you should seriously consider postponing the Easterpalooza this year.
- Mayor Lou: That's a good one. Thank you for that. I needed it. Now come on. Join me for a drink. Hmmm?
- Jeanie Cooper: I'm serious, Lou. People are dying, there's no time for a party.
- Mayor Lou: Ladies, ladies, I hear what you are saying, but people die every day. I mean, Walburg Easter only happens once a year.
- Sam: Lance? Lancelot! Nicey! I know I'd find you.
- Sam: Oh Sam, you beautiful asshole.
- Sam: Oh, I missed you, buddy. Hey, looks like the jackalope has chosen you for a special execution. Dude, are you lucky or what?
- Lance Cooper: Yeah, I'm a real lotto winner, Sam.