- Leslie Knope: Today is Ted Party Day, where we commemorate the great Pawnee tea dump of 1817. Historical fun fact: When the founding fathers wrote the charter, their old-timey script made one of the As look like a D. So 'Tea' became 'Ted'. It's just one of those little things that reminds us of Pawnee's rich and vibrant past. Plus, we get to go find a guy named Ted and throw him in the lake.
- Ann Perkins: [after losing the online auction for the waffle iron] OK Tyrion Lannister, why don't you cast a spell and get us the waffle iron back?
- Ben Wyatt: Oh, OK, I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's going to bug me if I don't. The Lannisters, while very wealthy, do not possess the magical abilities of, say, the Warlocks of Karth, for example.
- Ann Perkins: This is why we don't hang out.