Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (TV Series)

The Seven Year B----... (2013)

Eve Gordon: Connie Colburn

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  June Colburn : [narrating]  Every relationship has its own dynamic. For example, my Mom and I still like to talk every night before bed.

  Connie Colburn : [Skype]  And then the dog found my other gardening cloth. And that's everything that happened to me today.

  Donald Colburn : And the day isn't over yet.

  [kisses wife] 

  Donald Colburn : Let's put on some Lyle Lovett and get horizontal.

  Connie Colburn : Ah...

  June Colburn : Okay, bye!

  [closes laptop with a grimace] 

  June Colburn : But I don't think I will ever understand Chloe and James' dynamic.

  Chloe : [as they enter, pretend-bickering:]  Good thing your face was so oily tonight. I could check my makeup on your forehead.

  James Van Der Beek : I wish you had. You look like a runner-up in a town's beauty pageant in Ohio.

  Chloe : You look like you just got back from the Douchey Awards, and won five Doucheys.

  James Van Der Beek : Only award you could ever win is for letting rappers touch you.

  June Colburn : I don't get how you guys can talk to each other like that. It's so mean. Especially before bedtime.

  James Van Der Beek : It's not mean, it's just us.

  Chloe : [to June]  What I don't get is what the hell you're wearing.

  June Colburn : Oh, they're my Midwest breakfast pajamas. I've had them since high school.

  Chloe : [to James]  When I was in high school, you were a grown man pretending to be in high school on TV.

  James Van Der Beek : Watching me pretend to be in high school on TV was as close to high school as you ever got.

  June Colburn : You're agitating me. I'm gonna need a second cup of chamomile to go to sleep.