Family Guy (TV Series)

Chris Cross (2013)

Mila Kunis: Meg Griffin

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : Well, how about I promise not to tell mom and dad about the money, if you do whatever I say.

  Chris Griffin : Meg, this is how a lot of porn starts.

• Chris Griffin : Ok Meg, I stood outside Planned Parenthood for 36 hours, and here are the pictures of every girl in your class who went in.

  Meg Griffin : All right, good. Now I want you to call them as if you're their dead baby.

• Meg Griffin : Here's a list of stuff I need you to do for me. Shouldn't have taken that money, Chris.

  Chris Griffin : Oh, she's right. I'm a horrible person. I'm only one step above those people who really like dive bars and really need you to know it.

• Carl : Hey, Meg, you here for the expired hot dogs?

  Meg Griffin : No, Carl, I'm looking for Chris. I've looked everywhere and I can't find him.

  Carl : Uh, I haven't seen him, but I'll keep an eye out.

  Mayor Adam West : [tapping on the glass and indicating his junk pressed up against it]  Hey, bozos, what do you think of this?

• Meg Griffin : Okay, Chris, I want to wear contacts, but I'm too squeamish to put them in myself, so you need to help me.

  Chris Griffin : Really? Is it that hard?

  Meg Griffin : My eyes are too sensitive. It's like they overreact or something.

  Chris Griffin : Okay.

  [as she takes her glasses off and he prepares to insert a lens, her eye rolls up into the back of her head] 

  Chris Griffin : Ah! What happened to your eye?

  Meg Griffin : Don't worry about it. Just put the lens in.

  Chris Griffin : But where do I put it? The pupil's gone. Your eye just looks like a ping-pong ball.

  Meg Griffin : I think it rolled up into my head. Look, just... just do the other one.

  [as he tries, the same thing happens] 

  Chris Griffin : Ahhh! You look like one of those blind jazz guys.

  Meg Griffin : Where are you? I can't see anything.

  Chris Griffin : [screaming, she runs around, knocking things over]  I don't like this. Just wear your stupid glasses.

• Meg Griffin : Well, well, well. Who do we have here?

  Chris Griffin : It's me, Chris. You know me. Why are you talking like a bad guy?

• Chris Griffin : I can't do this anymore.

  Meg Griffin : Well, you should have thought of that before you stole money out of Mom's purse. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go downtown and get the stuff from my PO box.

  Chris Griffin : You... you don't get your mail here?

  Meg Griffin : No, I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.

  Chris Griffin : Like what?

  Meg Griffin : Like, I'm part of a group that kind of trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

  Chris Griffin : You know what? No. That's it. I'm not... I'm not doing any more of your crap, Meg.

  Meg Griffin : Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell Mom and Dad about the money and they'll ground your ass for a year.

  Chris Griffin : I don't care, tell 'em. 'Cause I'm not even gonna be here. I'm gonna run away and no one'll ever see me again.

  Meg Griffin : Good, go. And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief.

  [following him down the stairs] 

  Meg Griffin : Where you going, Chris? Wh... who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends.

  Chris Griffin : [cut to him ringing the doorbell of another house]  Hi. I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?

  Mr. Herbert : Live with me? My goodness, I feel like I want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming.

  [pinching his arm, a vein turns purple] 

  Mr. Herbert : Hot dog, it's real.

• Chris Griffin : Okay, Meg, I've cleaned your room and I did your homework. Can I be done now?

  Meg Griffin : Oh, no, there's a lot more things I need you to do for me.

  Chris Griffin : There are? Like what?

  Meg Griffin : Well, now you have to watch "An Officer and a Gentlemen" with me.

  Chris Griffin : And that's it?

  Meg Griffin : [snickering]  No. At the end, when Richard Gere carries Debra Winger out of the paper mill, you have to read what's on this index card.

  [cut to them watching the movie] 

  Chris Griffin : [reading the card as Meg cries]  "That's gonna be you someday, Meg."

  Meg Griffin : I know it will. I just know it will.

• Lois Griffin : Oh, hi, Meg. Could you tell Chris breakfast is ready?

  Meg Griffin : [covering up that he ran away]  Oh, um, I-I-I think he got up early. He, um, said something about a fat kid rally at Little Caesars.

  Lois Griffin : Huh, it's not like Chris to miss breakfast.

  Meg Griffin : Oh, don't worry, Mom. I... I'm sure he'll be home later.

  Peter Griffin : Well, I hope so. We were supposed to go to the library to wipe boogers in fancy books. I like to wipe mine in Bronte novels. It's like a time bomb to gross out lonely chicks.

• Chris Griffin : [wanting new sneakers, he looks for money in Peter's wallet]  Oh, come on, Dad, there's no cash in here. Just a bunch of cards that say "I farted on your car" with his insurance info.

  Meg Griffin : [spotting him take money from Lois' purse]  Busted.

  Chris Griffin : Jeez, it's so weird that Mom and Dad would leave the house without their purse and wallet. I wonder where they are?

  Peter Griffin : [cut to them out on a date]  Could you excuse me?

  [going to a payphone, he calls Mike Damone from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"] 

  Mike Damone : Hello?

  Peter Griffin : Damone, it's Peter. I'm at my date and I left my wallet at home. Will you please borrow your mom's car, drive to my house, get my wallet, and bring it back here?

  [getting no answer] 

  Peter Griffin : Damone, are you there? Damone?

  Mike Damone : Yeesh, I'm really kind of busy.

  Peter Griffin : Come on, just do me this one favor.

  Mike Damone : All right, but you owe me for this one.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, thanks, Damone.

  [hanging up and breaking the fourth wall] 

  Peter Griffin : And that was the last we ever saw of him.