- Debbie Weaver: Mommy has to go outside and trick your brother into spelling stuff 'cause Daddy won't let her be a good Mommy.
- [walks out]
- Abby Weaver: ...She says to the 6-year old who she just left alone in the house.
- Reggie Jackson: If only there was a kind of film that didn't require a script, or fancy sets or real actors.
- Larry Bird: Like those Tyler Perry things?
- Abby Weaver: Wanna sit together, Miss Joyner-Kersee?
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: That depends. Are you ready to start acting like an impoverished 300-pound black man?
- Max Weaver: Guys, enough. I'm tired.
- Debbie Weaver: Well, you know what they say: Nothing wakes you up more than spelling.
- Max Weaver: Show me one person who says that. Show me that person and I'll spell all night!
- Larry Bird: Dick, I have some rather unfortunate news. You're no longer the star of my documentary. Son, I'm going to shoot you straight because I know that's how you like to receive information.
- Dick Butkus: No it isn't. I don't know why you decided that!
- Larry Bird: You aren't relatable, you're not all-American and you keep looking directly into my camera lens.