- Janine Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.
- Janine Davis: I'm a what?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, y-you, I-I'm just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle...
- Janine Davis: Whuh-ah! Woah! You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now.
- Alex Jensen: What did I do?
- Sheldon Cooper: You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy-juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
- Alex Jensen: What! I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yo, now there's no need to get defensive. Look, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. You- my father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
- Alex Jensen: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.
- Alex Jensen: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
- Sheldon Cooper: You and me both, sister.
- [last lines]
- Penny: I figured I could sit around and feel insecure, or I could do something about it. So I got a course catalog at school and looked at some of the scence classes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's great.
- Penny: No, it isn't; they are extremely boring. I mean, how do you not kill yourself every day. Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist; I could just look like one. So I bought these.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Glasses?
- [as Penny puts the glasses on]
- Leonard Hofstadter: I really don't think that's going to change- Oh my God, you look so smart and hot!
- Penny: I know, right? Watch this.
- [pulls the glasses down so she is peering over them]
- Penny: Molecules.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, come with me.
- Penny: Where are we going?
- Leonard Hofstadter: My bedroom, so I can take off everything but those glasses. And maybe the boots.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. She might find one in the back of my car. Or in her shower.
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you sure you should be drinking now?
- Raj Koothrappali: How else am I supposed to talk to the human resources lady?
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't know. Seek professional help?
- Raj Koothrappali: I did. The guy at the liquor store told me this goes great with coffee.
- Sheldon Cooper: The next time you fall prey to your reproductive urges, please feel free to leaf through this book of sexually transmitted diseases. For example, check out this oozy doozy.
- Alex Jensen: I'm afraid I have to go.
- Sheldon Cooper: So does this guy, but he can't without it burning like hot soup.
- Janine Davis: That's it. All of you, in my office, now!
- Sheldon Cooper: Thanks to you I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. And based on your behavior I don't have to.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Can I tell you a secret?
- Penny: Wha's up?
- Leonard Hofstadter: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
- Penny: Can I tell *you* a secret?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure.
- Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk and we're all going to stop.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [mimicking Shatner] Message. Received.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was skeptical.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I can't blame you. Tiny Twister was a complete bust.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh no, I was wrong. The looming threat of being crushed under a pile of lumber does add a certain spice. I've never felt so alive.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [singing] I'm sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. Sorry Alex hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute.
- Penny: Oh, damn it, you are.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex.
- Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Of course not. No. Why?
- Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You do that?
- Penny: No.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.
- Penny: Yes, Leonard, I am insecure. Happy?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, not happy.
- Penny: Why are you smiling?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry. I just never think of you having feelings like that.
- Penny: Well, I do.
- Sheldon Cooper: Actually, I'm here to file a complaint. Someone has used sexual language that I found to be offensive.
- Janine Davis: And who would that be?
- Sheldon Cooper: You, you dirty birdy! I've been thinking about those things you said to me yesterday, and I've come to the conclusion that they've made me very uncomfortable. So be a dear and grab me one of those complaint forms.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Did you tell something to Penny about me and Alex?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, and a fat lot of good it did me. It just made her angry at you.
- Sheldon Cooper: I needed advice about a woman, and I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh no, he's not uncomfortable at all. No, he's loving it. He's struttin' around like he's 5 foot 6.
- Raj Koothrappali: Leonard stole my woman and he knows full well I was only 6 to 8 months away from making my move.
- Sheldon Cooper: The university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future.
- Alex Jensen: Okay.
- Sheldon Cooper: Now unfortunately, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this. So, I'm gonna need you to take it for me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard Wolowitz, he spent 2 years using university resources building a six-breasted sex robot.
- Sheldon Cooper: You remember when you told me I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all and now Alex gets to comb through 8 hours of what I like to call "Sheldon After Dark".