Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (TV Series)

Ocupado... (2013)

Michael Blaiklock: Eli Webber

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  June Colburn : [narrates as she luxuriates in foam bath]  Back in Indiana, the bathroom was always a quiet place. But now that I live in New York, like everything else, it's crowded.

  Chloe : [enters]  What's finger-licking, chicken?

  June Colburn : Nothing much, bud!

  [giggles, then, to herself:] 

  June Colburn : That rhymes more in my head.

  [narrates again:] 

  June Colburn : But I'm okay with it. The bathroom's actually become the place where Chloe and I download and catch up.

  Chloe : Just about to give myself a Brazilian.

  [High-heeled shoe goes onto toilet lid] 

  Chloe : Want me to do you first?

  June Colburn : [shakes her head]  No, thanks.

  Eli Webber : [nosy neighbor's window now overlooks their bathroom]  Are you sure, June? It's 20:13. Time to lower the deck.

  [June looks down self-consciously] 

• Chloe : [sitting mournfully in empty tub, Vodka bottle in hand]  Six guys all ruined and some bitch named Melinda's in my head and it's all Ben's fault!

  James Van Der Beek : [alongside her, another loser sits with a flask]  How could the crew choose Ben over me? I offered them my friendship. I would kill to be friends with me. Literally. If somebody was friends with me, I would kill them so that I could be friends with me.

  June Colburn : [enters with ruined novel]  Who ripped out the middle of my book?

  Chloe : [tosses missing pages onto floor]  I needed to talk to you. I tried to hook up with the other guys in my rotation, but I kept hearing them say "Melinda."

  June Colburn : Chloe, this is what I was saying before. It bugs you that you're not Ben's number one. For the first time in your life, you are jealous.

  Chloe : Please! I don't get jealous. I make jealous! In other people. I make other people jealous.

  James Van Der Beek : Yeah, so did I. Now look at us. We were once golden gods. Now... we're number twos.

  [takes swig from flask] 

  Eli Webber : [from his window]  Two number twos in a tub. I bought that DVD in Germany. Weird country.

  June Colburn : Chloe, there's a reason why you are sitting here in this tub instead of out with your five other guys. Benjamin is more than just someone in your rotation.

  Chloe : [takes swig of Vodka]  Maybe he is.

  June Colburn : I mean, do you wanna be exclusive with him? No more rotation? Just him?

  Chloe : [sighs]  Maybe I do.

  [takes another gulp from bottle] 

  June Colburn : [all motherly]  Well, then talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

  [Chloe scews the bottle top closed, gets up, climbs out of the tub, and smacks June through the face very hard] 

  June Colburn : Ow!

  Chloe : That's just me being uncomfortable with the truth.

  [sighs] 

  Chloe : Thank you, June.

  [pats her on the head, walks out]