- Britta Perry: Pierce. So Gilbert knows a couple tricks. Big deal. We outnumber him. Most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, we're fighting for friendship. Which means we can't lose, okay?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Okay.
- Britta Perry: Okay!
- [Britta strikes and kills Pierce]
- Britta Perry: I guess there's no hug button.
- Blacksmith: I buy and sell weapons and armor.
- [opens a menu]
- Annie Edison: Cool. We need weapons.
- [looks through the expensive weapons]
- Annie Edison: Oh. Well, what's free? Can we have a torch?
- [she picks up a torch from the wall]
- Blacksmith: Thief! Thief!
- Shirley Bennett: Annie, put it back.
- Annie Edison: Sorry. Sorry.
- [she tries to put the torch back on the wall and sets the blacksmith on fire]
- Annie Edison: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Oh my God!
- Shirley Bennett: Oh, oh! Oh, no! What are you doing?
- Annie Edison: It was an accident!
- Shirley Bennett: He's dying!
- Annie Edison: All right, hold on, hold on!
- [She takes out an ax and hacks the blacksmith to death]
- Shirley Bennett: Now, what are you doing?
- Annie Edison: He was suffering!
- Shirley Bennett: Yeah, from axe wounds!
- Abed Nadir: I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda and help her rebuild her life.
- Britta Perry: Abed, she's a programme.
- Abed Nadir: People have said similar things about me.
- Jeff Winger: Oh, great. Gilbert.
- [gets shot at with ray beams]
- Jeff Winger: Oh, great. Evil-Jedi-Lightning Gilbert.
- Jeff Winger: Okay, look. I know things seem hopeless because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal and we're starting over. But here's the thing: we're better at this game now. We've died and been reborn, and makes us heroes!
- [Everybody cheer and move forward with new enthusiasm. They then move through the first door and get eaten by cannibals, dying again]
- Jeff Winger: What the hell, Gilbert? You're cheating, which I have no problem with, but you're getting caught, and that's not cool.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Yeah, don't be a knob. That inheritence is rightfully mine.
- Gilbert Lawson: Rightfully?
- Pierce Hawthorne: I'm his son.
- Gilbert Lawson: So am I.
- Pierce Hawthorne: What? That can't be true. You're half... white!
- Jeff Winger: Nice save.
- Troy Barnes: You still talking to this girl?
- Abed Nadir: Yeah. She only has three moods that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. I've never felt this way before.
- Gilbert Lawson: Once you're seated behind your computers, a photograph of you will be taken and an avatar will be made from your likeness.
- Troy Barnes: I didn't bring my likeness.
- Jeff Winger: Everybody, keep Pierce protected. We have to get him to the Throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. And don't forget, when you die, you go all the way back to the study room. So... Don't die.
- Annie Edison: Good pep talk, Jeff.
- Shirley Bennett: Yeah, I used to love dying, but that speech really turned me around.
- Cornelius Hawthorne: I designed this game to be played upon my death by you and whatever cabal of fruits, junkies, and sluts you call your friends.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Her name is Britta.
- Troy Barnes: Unbelievable. Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and *won*... and I lost my pants to a pair of nines.
- Abed Nadir: This is my family. Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. Each baby is capable of executing custom code, which means you can write a code that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, much like real children on a playground.
- Annie Edison: Oh, Abed, but...
- Jeff Winger: Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. Abed, how much stuff do you have here and what can we make with it?
- Abed Nadir: That depends.
- Jeff Winger: On?
- Abed Nadir: On what you can imagine.
- Abed's Babies: Cool, cool, cool.
- Gilbert Lawson: This game is more complex than you can imagine. And aside from its programmers, who have all been deported back to China, I'm the one who knows how it works.
- Troy Barnes: You can usually get supplies in a town like this. Man, why can't my mom be here? She always said my video game knowledge would come in handy. I never believed her.
- Jeff Winger: Don't we look comfy at a cauldron.
- Britta Perry: Check it out.
- [Britta's animated character starts putting things into the cauldron]
- Britta Perry: Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, and then that, and then I'll hit this.
- Jeff Winger: What is it?
- Britta Perry: I assume, like, a strength potion.
- Jeff Winger: Then I assume it's poison.
- Britta Perry: You're just jealous because we found a world where I know what I'm doing.
- Jeff Winger: This place is twenty cat turds and a Pixies poster from being your apartment.
- Hilda: The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here. You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, which you must free from the black caverns.
- Shirley Bennett: I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Right, "white crystal." You think dad was into meth?
- Jeff Winger: Britta, drink that super strength potion you made.
- Britta Perry: Oh, right, right, right, right.
- [Her animated character runs, trying to find her potion in the itmes inventory]
- Jeff Winger: Hurry up, Britta!
- Britta Perry: I'm trying, I'm trying!
- [Gilbert shoots her lightning and she dies]
- Britta Perry: Aah!
- Jeff Winger: Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta to not screw up drinking.
- Gilbert Lawson: This'll be fun.
- [He drinks the potion. Realises something's wrong]
- Gilbert Lawson: What the hell?
- Jeff Winger: Here's hoping we can count on her to screw up making potions.
- [Gilbert dies]
- Jeff Winger: Look, Buddy, I know it must have sucked being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, but Pierce is technically our friend, and we're not gonna watch you screw him over.
- Abed Nadir: h, if you Max out a character's trust and affection levels, you can gain access to a front-End scripting language. Watch.
- [Taps on Hilda, runs through various options until ""Make babyabed"]
- Abed's Babies: [Appears from Hilda] Cool cool cool.
- Abed Nadir: She can make babies for me.
- Troy Barnes: Oh, and I can't?
- [Sadly]
- Troy Barnes: I can't.
- Pierce Hawthorne: We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. You've been playing it your whole life, and now it's time for your reward, brother. So get in there and kill our dad.
- Gilbert Lawson: Thank you, Pierce.
- [Moves to put on headset]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Wait a second. Here, take this.
- [Pulls out gun]
- Pierce Hawthorne: You may need it.
- Britta Perry: Oh!
- Jeff Winger: Whoa! Oh, Pierce. You really don't know how this game works, do you?
- [Puts the gun away]
- Annie Edison: Are you always carrying that?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Not in the shower.
- Gilbert Lawson: You're not supposed to cooperate, you're supposed to compete.
- Jeff Winger: Thanks for the advice, but I think we can choose how we want to play.
- Gilbert Lawson: I suppose we can.
- Pierce Hawthorne: is he being ominous? Why are you being ominous?
- Troy Barnes: Um... Jeff, you just murdered Annie.
- Jeff Winger: Well, better than doing nothing!
- Abed Nadir: I'm not sure that's the case.
- Gilbert Lawson: 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, the weight sensors will recognize it as an automatic forfeit.
- Shirley Bennett, Jeff Winger: [Offended] Weight sensors?
- Gilbert Lawson: I'd like to thank you again for today and offer my apologies for my conduct. I wasn't myself. Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things.
- Troy Barnes: I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza.