Mad Buddies (2012)

Tanit Phoenix: Kelsey

Quotes 

• Kelsey : A reality show with these two idiots! I love it!

• Kelsey : Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show.

• Kelsey : Yesterday, at the wedding reception of the daughter of the newly appointed Minister of tourism, Silas Nda, two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, destroyed the event in a racist brawl. You're being charged with malicious damage to property and disrupting the peace. And Minister Nda here intends...

  Minister Mda : To see you both go to jail for a long time!

  Kelsey : Unless you both agree to some therapy.

  Beast Buthelezi : Yes!

  Boetie de Wett : Therapy is good.

  Beast Buthelezi : We need therapy!

  Boetie de Wett : We are real stuff-ups.

  Kelsey : So this is what you're going to do. You are going to walk from here to Gauteng together.

  Beast Buthelezi : What?

  Boetie de Wett : Walk? That's 600 kilometers!

  Minister Mda : It's a penalty for your racist behavior!

  Beast Buthelezi : I am not racist!

  Boetie de Wett : Nor me. I can speak Zulu.

  [subtitled] 

  Boetie de Wett : He's an idiot.

  Beast Buthelezi : And I find white ladies sexy.

  Minister Mda : But the country and the rest of the world believe that you are racist!

  Kelsey : So you are going to walk together to prove that you can get along.

  Beast Buthelezi : We hate each other!

  Boetie de Wett : I hate him.

  Kelsey : Would you rather stay here in jail?

• Kelsey : Okay. The rules. You may not catch a lift on anything. You have to walk. And you must stay away from all the major roads.

  [hands Boetie a map] 

  Kelsey : This is a map of your route. I'm sure you'll find a picturesque. Wallets and cellphones.

  Beast Buthelezi : Huh?

  Kelsey : Mm-hmm.

  Boetie de Wett : [as he and Beast take out their wallets and cellphones]  You want us to do this thing without money?

  Kelsey : Relax. This trip is on me.

  [takes Beast's wallet and cellphone] 

  Kelsey : Thank you.

  [takes Boetie's wallet and cellphone] 

  Kelsey : Thank you.

  [hands Boetie and Beast some money] 

  Kelsey : Here's R200 each.

  Boetie de Wett : R200? 200 bucks won't even fill this tank once! He's obese!

  Minister Mda : Uh-uh! He's Beast!

  Beast Buthelezi : Yeah, Minister!

  Kelsey : You have to cross the finish line together as friends. This is not a race. It's a test.

  Minister Mda : Yes, and my job is on the line.

  Kelsey : And we have got spies out there to make sure that the two of you do not cheat.

  Minister Mda : As Mandela says, "It's a long walk to freedom."

  Beast Buthelezi : What is the price?

  Kelsey : Hmm...

  [considers this very carefully] 

  Boetie de Wett : You.

  Kelsey : Well, you never know your luck. So we'll see you in Johannesburg, Gauteng.

  [walks over to Beast and kisses him on the cheek, then walks over to Boetie and kisses him on the cheek] 

  Kelsey : So good luck. Remember, this isn't a race. Bye! Well, go on.