Community (TV Series)
Studies in Modern Movement (2011)
Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
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Annie Edison : You can pay me back by helping me get all my stuff from Troy and Abed's.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're moving again? How long was I out? Is Napster still a thing?
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Annie Edison : But what about the dreamatorium?
Abed Nadir : Oh, it's staying. The dreamatorium is more important than any of us. But you're more important than our bedroom, so we put the bunk bed in the blanket fort.
Pierce Hawthorne : This is all gay code.
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Pierce Hawthorne : I have brain damage. Nothing I do counts.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Hold it. Where's Winger?
Annie Edison : Sick.
Pierce Hawthorne : Pshaw!
Britta Perry : Yeah, I'm calling him.
Jeff Winger : [cell phone rings in changing room]
[fake raspy voice]
Jeff Winger : Hello?
Britta Perry : So you're sick, huh?
Jeff Winger : Uh, that's what they tell me.
Britta Perry : Cut the wit, Winger. Where are you, The Gap or Banana Republic?
Jeff Winger : Wow, Britta, you got me all figured out.
Britta Perry : Well I can tell you're not in bed.
Jeff Winger : That's right, Britta. I'm pretending to be violently ill to avoid lifting a few boxes. Because I'm 13.
Clerk : And who's your primary care physician, Mr. Winger?
Jeff Winger : Uh, Dr. Schroeder. S-c-h. Um, do you want to see my insurance card?
Clerk : Please.
Britta Perry : Wait, are you at a hospital?
Jeff Winger : No, I'm at The Gap.
[price scanner beeping]
Jeff Winger : You hear that? That's not a heart monitor. It's a machine telling me I'm low on khakis.
Clerk : [over intercom] Dr. Tarpenian to radiology, Dr. Tarpenian.
Britta Perry : Crap, I- I'm sorry. I just assumed...
Jeff Winger : Whatever. I don't blame you. I've lied before. It's probably karma that I'm sick. But believe me, if you had what I have, you'd rather be moving boxes.
Britta Perry : Okay, feel better. Sorry.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, I'll see you guys on Monday.
[fake coughs]
Jeff Winger : [disconnects] You are fantastic.
Clerk : So are you. What are you doing after this?
Jeff Winger : Probably trying a couple of boot-cuts. But after that... maybe, like, a blazer?
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Landlord : Your friend nearly killed himself.
Annie Edison : Yeah, that's me. Lucky Annie.
Pierce Hawthorne : I'm really sorry, Annie. I had some island girls over and one of them must have slipped me a Mickey.